A feedback and review would be helpful

@noenoh Noh
Tue, 23 Feb 2021 03:35:52 +0000

@noenoh wrote:

Im not the most appropiate person to give a review since English is not my native language and Im too far from becoming a writer not even for tos ave my life (I admire writers for that)
What I felt is that the first paragraph was too short. Ive read books beggining the same way and its a good way to start a story but as I said I felt it too short. I needed to know something else either from olaf or the enviroment or what he was doing in that momment.
The second paragraph just need some more mysteryous description??? idk like it was too blunt too like a dictionary description. I think it can be fixed and you still say all what these monsters are in that second paragraph too.
The other thing I noticed is many sencences beging with "Olaf". Maybe you could play a bit with that??

I am sorry if Im not able to help much