Aromantic -> what do you put into this word?

[unknown_user]

I've seen people at forum, who call themselves or their characters "aromantic", but for me it's hard to determine a meaning of these claims. All definitions are vague, and lean on the so-called "romantic love", which aromantics don't feel. In practice, usually it's referred to repulsion or indifference toward things, which people "in love" should traditionally do.
But for me it's quite obvious, that you can feel love without so-called "romantic" attributes at all. Are you still "aromantic" in this case?
For example, I can surely feel tenderness, empathy, sympathy, lust, desire to have a physical contact in general, consistent desire to help the person to be happy, enjoyment of spending my free time with the person, strong interest and respect to personality of the person, attachment. When this all (or most of the listed) is presented toward the same person, I call it love. Also I can miss the person a lot and feel jealousy toward them - this two feelings I personally consider as an unneeded and undesirable side effect of attachment, but from time to time I can't overcome them, so they often accompany what I call "love" as well.
I also enjoy when sympathetic person gifts me flowers, tasty food or (wow!) jewelry, because: 1. Who doesn't like gifts?.. 2. When gifts are given from the sympathetic person, they remind that person and thus being even more joy...
BUT in the same time, I find the most other activities, associated with "love", either boring or irritating, or I don't understand how are they connected to love at all. Also I find the most depictions of love in romantic fiction very irritating, too. Particularly, I don't think that love should make a woman weak or make her disown her own personality (WTF?!). Or that if you are in love, you should hide your "bad" sides. Or that if you are in love, you should think that your partner is ideal. Or be ALWAYS blushed and embarrassed, when you interact with them. Or that good sex should always lead to love. For me, it's a complete absurd, as well as many other stereotypes on this topic. Many people called me cynical in romantic aspect because of these things and said that I "don't understand romantic things", despite I perceive it just as a rationality.
Does it make me so-called "aromantic" or "semi-aromantic" or whatever? I don't think so, because I don't even think that it requires a special word for it (especially so vague). I more just don't like stereotypes, that's all.
But what do you think? If you identify yourself this way, what meaning do you personally put in it? What is the difference between being aromantic and just denying traditional way of expressing love?

[nostalgicroxas]

My friend defines himself as aromantic and states it basically as "If I date, I'd treat my significant other, guy or girl or whatever, the exact same as my friends. They'd get no special treatment from me."

[silverraven0]

How should I said it... I can't really explain it but i can't really feel the "attraction" in the romantic part and I'm unable to feel affection or the like (I forgot what it's called).

It's not like I'm heartless but I just don't feel that attachment with other peoples.

[HGohwell]

For me it's basically summed up in 90% of my discussions with my older relatives:

"Don't you want a relationships?"
"Not really."

I've been told all my life "you'll find someone" and "there'll be a time when you want to find someone" and there just wasn't. The idea of dating is pretty meh. I don't miss it. I don't want it. I don't look at others and go "I want that". The relationships I had sort ended up as "I like you but I don't really feel anything warm and fuzz about this". As @silverraven0 said it does feel a big sorta detached from feeling romantic things.

Something that's also come up, and mildly off topic, when I bring this up trying to explain is "well how come you like romance novels and shipping if you're not interested?" and the answer there is because I'm attached to the character and like them. I'm happy for them when they get their warm fluffy love confession, not because I'm imagining it happening to me. Possibly why I've never got those blank protagonists you're supposed to project onto.

[Carossmo]

Yeah I heard just because you're aromantic, doesn't mean you dislike the idea of romance... You just don't like being involved in romantic relationships...

[Carossmo]

I've been researching about the term aromantic lately too, so bless this thread~

[Wumbl]

Aromantic just means the person can't really fall in love. They don't get those warm fuzzy domestic "let's get married" feelings, and you don't want relationships like that.

The way I explain my own orientation (being bisexual + homoromantic) is that while being attracted to and able to be with people of both my gender and different identities, I only really fall for guys. I've had relationships with both but I've never been able to bring a relationship with a girl to that full on domestic partnership level. It doesn't feel right for me. Most of the girls I've been with have either been very casual relationships or just friends with benefits. Most guys I've been with/attracted to, though, it's gotten to a more emotional level and I've wanted to actually spend my life with them.

Sexual attraction is just liking somebody, wanting to be with them etc. whilst romantic attraction is when you want to be with them for years and years, and live together/share everything with them.

EDIT:

Obviously you can also love someone totally platonically. (as a dear friend / family member) I think that sexual love is still valid. I've been able to get nice positive feelings and experiences out of relationships that never became romantic.

[SleepingPoppy]

It's not really about how you express love. Most of what you list are actions. I'm sure you're aware there is a distinction between your romantic feelings for a partner, and friendly feelings for a mutual friend, right? So even if you have deep feelings for your friend, it isn't necessarily romantic.

(Not aromantic, just speaking from my general understanding if it)

[DokiDokiTsuna]

Aromantic just means the person can't really fall in love. They don't get those warm fuzzy domestic "let's get married" feelings, and you don't want relationships like that.

This is a good description...

I don't look at others and go "I want that".

This is also good. XD

Recently, I've been starting to think I might be aromantic...but since I'm still young and in school and no one has expressed an interest in that aspect of my life yet, I haven't had to think seriously about it. Maybe I'll start getting heckled after I graduate. ^^;

In any case, I really don't think it's objectively possible to know that about myself yet, because I just haven't had many close relationships with other people in general (with family excluded, I could probably count them on one hand). I don't seem to want those either...

It's not that I don't like people, though. I enjoy them! ^^ I just enjoy them the way most people enjoy...say, sharks. From a distance...and it'd be weird if you knew one personally...

[VibrantFox]

Quoting from the AVEN wiki (a great resource esp. for me trying to understand my own identity) an Aromantic person is defined as such:

someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction. There’s no need for an aromantic to pair up with another person for romantic reasons. Aromantics are capable of feeling love - platonic love such as that between a mother and child or best friends is still love. Aromantics do have emotions, we are not cold or heartless people. Aromantics can have squishes. Aromantics may or may not enjoy acts such as holding hands or having candlelit dinners or cuddling. They just don't have romantic feelings towards the people they do them with. Aromantics may or may not desire to be in a long term relationship with another person (or several persons), however these relationships would be platonic from their side.

and basically explains romantic attraction the same as some replies already have "those warm fuzzy feelings"

Personally i identify as asexual and demiromantic, so when it comes to any kind of romantic feelings the don't really come about until i'm more aquainted with and really gotten to know someone. formed a bond type o thing. i can find someone aesthetically pleasing, good looking or whatever but none of the "love at first sight" or sighing and feeling all soft or whatever.

aros can still form relationships but it depends on the person as AVEN points out here:

There are aromantics in relationships with another person or persons while not experiencing romantic attraction to them. Queerplatonic relationship, zucchini, and aromantic relationship are all terms used for someone who is in a close platonic relationship with another person. Other aromantic people are happiest on their own or with a group of friends.

as with a lot of things like it there's a spectrum and where someone falls on it varies from person to person

[indagold]

I identify as it, I think it just means you lack the romantic attraction to people and prefer friendships.

Also I don't like using the term qpr cause they use westernized ideal of relationships. Other cultures are more open to cuddling/kissing buddies and is part of close friendship while we define affection limited to dating. There's nothing inherently queer about cuddling a good friend, we just as a society stigmatizes it so I completely understand why people think its a more obscure relationship structure. Hot take I know, just my issues with it.

[Rei19]

It took me years to realize that I'm actually aromantic. I've had crushes before, but after analyzing them, I found out that it was only because I wanted to get to know them since I was attracted to their personalities. Romantic gestures of affection are only enjoyable when I'm reading about it in comics/novels, but when they happen to me, I become so uncomfortable. I once liked this guy, and when he started "reciprocating" my feelings through initiating hand-holding and everything, I disliked it so much that I just wanted to run away from it all. It wasn't his fault at all, but I just hated it.

It was then that I realized that I've never felt true romantic attraction to anyone at all. I can feel platonic love, and I care a lot for my loved ones, but I don't understand romantic love since I never experienced it before. And I don't want or need it in my life, anyway.

From your statements, it looks like you may not actually be aromantic since you might express romantic love a lot differently than others. However, I am still not sure since I don't have a lot of knowledge about this subject. I only know my own feelings.

[vfinnigan]

I don't think you're aromantic as much as you are repulsed by how romance is misrepresented in fiction and in society. I hate most of the stuff that's passed off as romance.

But my husband treating me especially kindly makes me feel things I don't feel when my other friends do something nice. And I go out of my way to help him far more than I do for others... and I work in health care! This is because I've allowed him a role in my life that he shares with no one else.

Some people might say I'm aromantic or semiromantic, but I just don't define romance the same way as they do. To me, there's nothing more romantic than forging a permanent life partnership with your absolute favorite person.

It's not glamorous. It's not rom-com material, nor much fodder for drama. But it's one of the best things I've ever done.

[Carossmo]

Recently, I've joined an aromantic group and I resonate with them so much! Guess it confirms too that I am aromantic as well.

Also the latest episode for my comic represents it in a way, as I was told :o

[Carossmo]

Possible example maybe of this episode? Those who are on the aromantic type of relationship?

https://m.tapas.io/episode/1820426