I want to read this but no one has written it. Might as well write it myself
Context: I'm 31 and have been professionally making comics and assisting the creation of comics since 2015 (so like, 9 years?) and I'm working on a webnovel now too. And its nerve-wracking cause I'm not used to it lol. I've also been trying to reclaim the "creating for my self" thing too.
I'll start with this: You are not even 20 yet. At your age my only concern was making fanart, fanfic, and just getting better at my own craft. Longevity in creating stuff only happens if you have a core seed of enjoyment first.
Then you worry about putting art into the world.
But I don't think you owe the world everything you make. There is art and writing that none but my closest friends have seen and will ever see. And that's because they were truly made for just me.
Professionally speaking, if you make art to sell (or writing) then it's never just truly for you. It'll be made at least a little with an audience in mind. Especially nowadays. So when a professional in the field says they crest for themself, I take it with a grain of salt.
Being scared to share your work is perfectly normal. And when you're as young as you are and at the start of things, you'll feel more self-conscious than anything else. That too, is completely normal! What helped me early on is having an online name that was really unrelated to me. I could post art anonymously and get experience that way. It does not have to be tied to you, you know.
You can experiment and then delete that profile when you feel like it's served it's purpose.
As for the journals and sketch books, they're there just for anything you want. They are the playground that no one else will see unless you let them. I have over 15 sketchbooks and 25+ journals I've filled in the last 20 years.and i don't look at them but they are where a lot of my fertile creative foundation were formed.
In reply to your second post with more questions:
Do not stop watching and enjoying your favorite shows, movies, books, plays, whatever! They are the valuable inspirations and treasures that will keep your creative well full. And honestly at this point, I'd use fanfics to help ease you in to working with characters and story in a fun non-monetized way that will also teach you to become comfortable with feedback.
Writing stories is a long and windy road. It's going to be unique for you. I'm saying this is something that can take decades of time because as a creator you also have to grow and experience life to help inspire stories too. And to get older, wiser, and let your brain finish it's maturation too. (that happens around 25 btw).
Right now, you don't have to change if you don't want to. What's important, I think, is to step back and ask why you want to write in the first place? Do you have story ideas you just want to see manifest by your own hand? Or do you think it has to be shown to others because that's just how it's done (it's not btw, you can horde whatever you want and never show it to no one).
I can also relate to being sensitive to feedback. I've let it lead me astray as much as bolster my resolve over the years. I've had a lot of painful as well as exhilarating experiences in creating art, writing, and even a visual novel demo.
More than anything, give yourself some credit. You're on here talking about it and wanting to improve but you're focusing on a lot of different areas. You're also still learning about yourself, what you like, what you hate, what you're comfortable with, who you are, and who you want to be. That process itself is one that isn't a straight line. Sometimes you loop back on yourself to review and change, and that's okay. And sometimes you feel like you're chugging right ahead when something like burnout slaps you in the head. (went through that two weeks ago in fact and had to change my schedule so I got enough rest and it's genuinely improved my art; who knew). That's life.
Create only what you can create. Create on experiences you know. I'm not talking literally, though that helps, I'm talking emotionally. Even if all of your experience is school and childhood and adolescence, there are things that have made you experience happiness, frustration, sadness, etc.
Sometimes all it takes is latching onto an experience that you feel you can handle at a bit of a distance and putting fictional characters in your shoes and playing the "what if it turned out differently" game. Or writing a story that was solely made to comfort your past self; giving them something you wish you had at the time. I almost exclusively do this myself.
So here are some examples that I hope will encourage you:
1/ I once had someone I liked very much but I couldn't stay with them due to parental disapproval so I broke up. From that painful experience I've been working on a story for more than a decade that started with the question of "what if I had the opportunity and the strength to make it work out?" it's become a precious story that I've already torn down once and had to rebuild due to getting advice from a toxic writing friend. Its been a rough path but I've finally started making it again in the last year. It's called Running Fish. It's on hiatus but I've finished a chunk of chapters and that feels good.
2/ https://m.tapas.io/series/Cake-and-Coffee-Complete/info4 this was the first comic I put on Tapas. It's awful. Just...so bad. The only reason anyone should read it is to point and laugh. But it got done.
https://m.tapas.io/episode/32602385 this is a page from the most recent chapter in a sequel to a comic I made.
In-between these two pieces, there were 8-9 years of professional work, experience, and two of my College years learning animation. (From when I was about 22 to 31 now)
This is to illustrate that you don't get worse at something you're striving for every day. Thinking a lot about a thing is good, but so is just trying stuff and making it.
The joy is in the creating, not sharing, for me. Cause anything that happens when you're done is out of your hands.so it's not something to worry too much about.
I've rambled lol, but i hope this was helpful even in a small way. If anything here wasn't, that's okay. Throw away the advice that doesn't work for you. It won't hurt my feelings haha, I've got work of my own to do.
