Discussing polyamory in writing

[Wocalich]

I've never witnessed real life polyamory so I'll have to take your word on that.

[domisotto]

I wrote a reverse harem and ‘reverse roles’ fantasy in She Kills Elephants and Men, so I used existing historic harems as a model, since it is not a modern story. I enjoyed writing it, and felt the setting is unique.

One of my Wattpad friends write a modern paranormal polyamory stories that I think are along the lines of what you are looking for. Her book, Lead Me Astray, with a polyamory family in the centre of the narrative, won 2019 Watty award. I loved the book.

[paracosmosfiction]

@RiyeRose I thank you for your kind words. I'll admit, mines a bit of a slow burn in that regard. Mostly because I didn't know that this was the direction I intended to take this writing when I first set out to write it. But this is what it eventually evolved into. So as I'm posting these chapters, I'm setting it up with that eventuality in mind. Starting with one relationship, and slowly building the blocks from there.

@wocalichofficial They're certainly not perfect. No relationship is. But like with any romantic partnership, they require work, trust, and open communication. From a narrative standpoint, seeing how these relationships manifest within the group as a whole, opens up a lot of avenues for exploring character development and how your characters interact with each other.

@domisotto I didn't know that! I know you were turned off initially by the way I introduced my characters and some of the darker elements of my writing. And I completely understand that. But I'm hoping when I have more of the story posted and start getting into book two, you might consider going back and taking another look. I'll admit my writing is a slow burn. And I certainly don't claim to be perfect in portraying the story I'm trying to convey. But I am genuinely trying to create something that shows a new perspective to romance and intimacy in a way that doesn't feel like pure wish-fulfillment and power fantasies.

[domisotto]

I know you were turned off initially by the way I introduced my characters and some of the darker elements of my writing.

Your presentation of female characters was not my cup of tea, so I don’t see it changing. I am very strongly on the other side of the slider, i.e. the triumphant womanhood.

[HGohwell]

Wouldn't it be nice to see a Harem writing that doesn't feel so much like a competition and feels more like an environment that actually fosters genuine affection and care for everyone involved?

Last time I looked at Trinity Seven it was attempting something like this. There's a clear harem of the MC and the seven girls with one pair clearly standing above the rest. But flash backs confirmed it was always him and the seven together (it's a reincarnation plot). It's clearly building relationships between the seven girls who aren't already close and everyone was helping to improve each other and growing as a group. It has been a while though so I'm not sure if they manage to actually carry on that positively.

How many of you would like to see polyamory portrayed more accurately within a romantic fantasy setting?

I've seen 2 anime actually pull of polyaamory reasonably decently. Interestingly both are female centered mecha shows. Cross Ange doesn't hit it as well, but the relationship only really comes right at the end and it is a fanservice series, although surprisingly hard hitting for a fanservice series. While the main pairing is obvious with Ange and Tusk and is built up from their first meeting, towards the end it starts becoming obvious Hilda is also interested and it becomes polyamorous. And despite it being she's mostly interested in Ange, she has shown enough interest in Tusk to make it believable.

Rinne no Lagrange is aimed at an older audience and so it might not be surprising it handles it a lot better. The relationship is built up as romantic from about the midpoint of the series and does a pretty good job of building it naturally and believably from uneasy alliances to friendship to romance. It is adorable and soft and belieable and the drama and relationship issues come from external forces (aka that interplanetary war going on) rather than relationship melodrama over who's got one person's affections more ect.

What experiences do you have with the subject in regards to writing?

It's entirely unobvious at the moment apart from the fact that they're all on the cover together, because it's only just started, but Where The Sky Lies is planned to head in this direction with Francis, No1 and No11. It's pretty slow burn and builds generally from just being around each other rather than any sort of pushed romance. I'm aiming for it to be pretty natural and and it's basically there emotionally long before there's any real acknowledgement from the characters because I'm a sucker for "it's so obvious how do they not see they're in love?" (how successful that will be is a matter for the future).

[joannekwan]

Yep, would definitely like to see more polyamory or non-nuclear families just to see the range.

What came to my mind was the character Amanita Caplan from the show Sense8. She has a mother and 3 father figures, the background being that any of the 3 could have been her father but they all decided to take on the role and be a part of her life. While I don't recall any of the men being in a relationship with each other, one could easily extrapolate one and it would still totally work. It was just so nice to see an interesting family dynamic with no drama.
The show also has a couple of other poly throuples!

As for my own writing, my latest big project has character A forming a relationship with B and then bringing C into the mix. While it ends on a basic agreement between B and C, I plan on forming and establishing a romantic relationship between B and C in the sequel. Since the first book was devoted to A's relationship with B and C respectively, it definitely didn't have room enough to do much with B and C after the culmination of A's storyline.

[paracosmosfiction]

And again, I one hundred percent respect that. I'm not going to appeal to everyone. I'm merely extending the invitation because I want everyone to know they're invited. Even if my work doesn't appeal to everyone, I never want anyone to feel like they've been excluded by my work in some way either. So I always strive to find a happy balance.

[domisotto]

I am glad you aim at that, but from what I have seen, I could not extrapolate a happy polyamory you are describing in the first post. It felt like it was setting up for either a regular harem fiction or a multiple women male power fantasy to me.

[paracosmosfiction]

@HGohwell Mine is a pretty slow burn as well. Again, that's because this story was originally written back when I had no idea what it was eventually going to turn into. But I personally like what it's become. It's a journey. And you see for yourself how the layers form as each new step is taken. Whether I can pull it off in a way that's both gratifying and realistic enough not to come off as forced or ridiculous is yet to be seen.

@joannekwan Feel free to check out my work if you want! You're already doing incredible artwork for it, so I'd love your opinion on what I've got so far. I'll warn you, it's still very very early in the story regards to any serious polyamory actually forming. And I don't know what your personal tastes are for fantasy and that particular genre, so I don't know if you'll like the other aspects of the story or not. But hey, the invites there!

[paracosmosfiction]

Which is honestly why I felt like posting this is in the first place. I didn't want my writing to be written off as just another Harem writing when I do intend to give it far more depth than that.

[vothnthorvaldson]

I would be unable to help in any way as I'm an extreme introvert who was not even sure to be able to handle one partner I did try a few times to write short stories with polyamory, but I feel it fell flat because it's too difficult for me to understand how it can work (not in term of emotional involvment of the different partners, but rather in term of emotional /exhaustion/).

However it's a subject I like reading about and I really appreciate what you are trying to do.
I'd like to see more geniune polyamory relationships in any kind of setting, really. I'd say I'd really like a fantasy or SF setting in the sense there is then more to discover than the relationship between the partners. I tend to find romance a bit exhausting just to read, and maybe more when there are more than two partners, so a fantasy setting with all the background lore etc will be more attractive that if it happens in a university cafeteria for eg.
But this is just my very specific case.
Again, thanks for tackling the subject in a genuine way

[domisotto]

Well, you send a strong signal that it is in how you portray every female character, that’s why I recommended Royal Road as a site to post it on. There is nothing wrong with your writing technically, it is the portrayal of female characters vs the protagonist and his attitude toward them, and his cronies.

[vothnthorvaldson]

Ah yeah, I did not read the story so I won't discuss that particular point, but that's another thing: I'm only interesting in reading romance with healthy power balance, whatever gender (or lack thereof), and it's even more necessary in polyamory, where things can get pretty ugly quick if the balance is not quite right. Otherwise it is drama and has to be presented as such.

[domisotto]

I agree. I definitely feel that my story was a fantasy adventure first, with the romances, clan building and harem intrigues folding into the overarching story of achievement and raw ambition.

[Crusoe]

I absolutely love polygamy stories! Not necessarily because I'm interested in being in that kind of relationship myself, but because I love being able to learn more about how other groups of people live and love. There's definitely not enough healthy representation for it in media and fiction, which is part of why unfortunate situations end up happening irl in which people are forced into a poly relationship by their partner, situations in which people think you are cheating while you're actually in a poly relationship, etc, etc.

Harem stories in themselves are in my opinion not inherently bad, because they can be the basis of interesting characters and stories, but I do think they can give rise to some nasty unrealistic tropes and stereotypes.

[paracosmosfiction]

@domisotto I have only introduced one main love interest so far, and as I know you read, it didn't work out. I've still got three more books worth of character development to go through here. If you don't want to read anymore that's perfectly fine. Though I will say, a male power fantasy was never my intention when I set out to write this, and it's definitely not what I consider my writing to be in any way.

@vothnthorvaldson part of what I'm wishing to explore through this writing is that balance. Not only that but the various different types of individual relationships that form within the group. That said, every relationship, poly or otherwise, has to start somewhere. So yes, I'll admit my work probably does look like it's setting up to be another Harem story, but that's not the payoff I want at all.

@MeLovesTacos I agree completely. I've never personally had a problem with them either, but I do see how they can affect IRL relationships in a negative way by portraying unrealistic expectations. Which is why I'm trying to subvert that by showing that poly relationships require effort and work just like any other relationship would. More so in some cases.

[domisotto]

I have only introduced one main love interest so far, and as I know you read, it didn't work out.

However, four out of four female characters that appeared on the pages, experienced immediate urge to have sex with the main character, 2 of hwom did, and one masturbated at length thinking about him, and the fourth he rejected. The moment the male main was brought down by a female character, he was immediately compensated by a submissive sex from a another female which he finished in a way that is humiliating for a female (and which she enjoyed). That's in the first 10K words or so?

EDIT: forgot to add, there was also not a single other male character attractive to females in the same piece of text. The only ones mentioned were specifically inept in gaining female attentions and one had a mentor role (old/priest)

[Penni]

Yass bring the polyamory stories.

I do wonder how difficult it would be to balance all of it though. I just finished a novel that featured a polyamory romance and, honestly, it didn't really feel like one. I only cared about the MC and the boyfriend while the girlfriend didn't make sense because their relationship wasn't really developed.

It got me thinking about how to execute that sort of relationship in a standard novel where word counts are important. On a webnovel you have all the time you want/need to build those relationships.

[paracosmosfiction]

I'm not sure what story you read but there are some major inconsistencies in what you've given. Firstly, my male main character has only engaged in one sex scene so far from what I've posted of this story. So I don't know where you're getting that second one from. Secondly, I don't know where you're getting any "submissive sex" scene from but that was certainly not in my writing either. I haven't got a clue what you're referring to there.

Also, that thing about there not being any other males on campus who the female characters don't find attractive is completely untrue. I specifically mentioned a male character who was later introduced into the series who is actually more popular than my male protagonist is. He was mentioned very early on in the series and was introduced at a point you didn't seem to reach.

I have to be a hundred percent honest with you @domisotto you're coming off as extremely accusatory towards my work, and you don't even seem to be remembering it correctly. Because half of what you just said is in no way shape or form affiliated with what I've written. If you can provide a clear example to me, then I'll accept your argument, but as it stands right now, your accusing me of writing something that I simply haven't written.

[paracosmosfiction]

From a technical standpoint, it can be a bit perilous. There's a lot you have to balance when writing this sort of thing. But that's why I really like Tapas. Because you can dedicate whole episodes to just the side narratives within your main narrative.

I honestly don't think the writing I've done could work for a standard novel format.