Does this villain's reasons for being a villain sound interesting

Chronitis 2017-12-29 21:09:21 UTC #1

So I just want to check and see if this sounds like a solid villain. Also spoilers for what is to come up in the story later if any of you really care.

So he and his race if people live with the burden of disease and mortality. They didn't always live like this. They were one immortal however one day man got word of these immortals and also discovered they could trade their conditions with them.

When the immortals refused mankind took their immortality by force.

And now the villain learning of this is pissed and wants to cause mass genocide if the ones who cause for them to suffer.

SoFt 2017-12-29 21:28:44 UTC #2

Heh. Reminds me of the Aldmeri Dominion from The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. It's a solid enough motivation, though perhaps a bit too sympathetic; with that backstory, it seems like the humans are the villains here =P . Perhaps it would work better if the humans were somehow the source/fuel for his people's immortality, and humanity "stole" it by finding a way to flip the process?

DiegoPalacios 2017-12-29 21:30:52 UTC #3

This can be interesting if is well executed. So here are some questions that may help!

1- How did the villain learned about this?, was this information kept as a secret by humans?

2-Do the good guys know about this?, if they know, what have they done about it or what they will do?, will they try to compensate to the opressed ex-inmortals?

3-How will the villain commit mass genocide against inmortals?, what does he need?, why they can`t trade back the condition of inmortality?

4-Are there still humans trying to protect their illegitimately gained inmortality?, will they become antagonists?

indagold 2017-12-29 21:59:37 UTC #4

So is the villain a politician/figurehead or just a common man? Because if genocide is happening its usually caused by someone who has power over people. If its a commoner I guess it would work as a terrorist/outlaw type person, one who wrangles together supporters? Or are they just overpowered?

Is there also a moral/political/philosophical quandary going on too? Is there more of a drive than just being pissed? Is there almost some reasoning for something like this to happen?

IdiotWithPencil 2017-12-29 22:19:54 UTC #5

I've heard of worst motivations, but question, how is he gonna kill them if their all immortal?

sounds like normal human behaviour to be honest XD

XzynderVexymous 2017-12-29 23:01:57 UTC #6

Absolutely. He sounds more like an anti-hero, which is good! Make sure we understand that in your Comic/Novel.

SoFt 2017-12-30 00:37:17 UTC #7

You ain't lyin' x) .

Chronitis 2018-01-01 18:54:04 UTC #8

Okay so here it is, and let me know if this sounds convoluted or if it could work depending on pacing. The Villain learns of this through his father for only the royalty is to know of the past. He discovers that they use to be a race of phoenix made by a goddess sister to the creator of man. She always wished to make something as human, but her brother refused to share the recipe. Instead she made a race of phoenix.. Yet she still wished to make human, but she settled no of the less. One day people got wind from text of old that if they are able to spill the blood of immortals they will be granted immortality for only one race of immortals can exist in the world at once. To not upset balance.

The humans did this and all but a few phoenix were left. They ran and hid. Gods aren't suppose to interfere with mortals or their creations. The goddess knew she couldn't conture up new phoenix, but she could transfer the the immortal blood to the humans. The humans now live in a far off land as she took a piece of the earth and cast it away from her brother's other creations. She had the last reaming phoenix and humans on the land she casted off.

Like man evolved from monkeys the phoenix evolved into a more humanoid being. Yet losing their immortality they suffer from man's ailments more harshly than man has. The villain hears of this and want's to use the one thing humans didn't take from phoenix, magic, to get rid of them though manipulating other's and secretly gaining outside support of other races of creatures in the land.

So yeah. I know that, that might not follow the myth of the phoenix truly, as I am unclear if they had magical capabilities.

Natmundoesstuff 2018-01-01 19:09:01 UTC #9

Okay, so generally with villains, the reader has to be able to relate to their reasons; but more in a way of the reader knows why the villain did what they did, and it's a solid reason, but any sane person wouldn't go about it the way the villain did. (In your villain's case, mass genocide.)

It sounds like a very compelling reason, but it does need a bit more fleshing out. Why did the villain choose mass genocide instead of trying to take back immortality? Is the villain more concerned with their own health because of this, or the health of others they care about?

Otherwise, it sounds good! Keep going, I'd love to see more.

Chronitis 2018-01-01 22:57:51 UTC #10

Thank you I'll work out the kinks more. Also do you think that, that backstory sounded to convoluted or was it easy to follow?

DiegoPalacios 2018-01-02 00:50:02 UTC #11

I will ask some questions to help you figure out some important details in your story.

A couple of questions about how the inmortality works in humans:
I know they can`t get sick or die of old age, but they can be killed or hurt?
If they are incapable of being hurt, how can someone take their blood?, do they have a weakness?

Alright, that explains how the inmortality can be transfered. But now i have another important question. How easy or hard is to spill inmortal blood?. If it is too easy, inmortality can be easily transfered.

Why having only one inmortal race keeps a balance on earth?.
This must be clear, so it doesn`t feel like a plot hole.
Here is an idea for the explanation:
The inmortal race is the dominating race in earth and the one in charge of keeping the balance and order.

Why she kept the humans and phoenix away from her brother`s creation?. Why she transfer the inmortal blood to humans?, did she went against her own creation the phoenix?, and why?

Don`t worry,this is your story, so you can make your own version of phoenix.

Hope this helps.