I took at look at your story and seems you're off to a good start! It's ambitious to write a novel vs a webcomic because it's much harder to get the pacing right.
I think with some tweaking of your pacing, rewording some sentences, and fixing grammatical errors and run-on sentences your story has potential!
I recommend reading and emulating the writing style of your favorite novels. It seems like you might benefit from reading from the bildungsroman genre.