Doubt and anxiety about being an artist? Feeling insecure? Want to rant a little?

[rajillustration]

The best is when I'm working with kids and I'm like "I'm an artist" and the kid is like "oh! you're good!" and in my head I'm like "they're just saying that to be polite" and it's like...

woah brain, that's a kid. They literally can't lie about their feelings.

The imposter syndrome that just kind of builds and builds being an artist on the internet really gets to you sometimes.

[kaiyaweird]

Hey, first of all, I think this thread is a good idea.

I went through a lot of these doubts myself recently. I don't really make any money as an artist (yet??????) but I got hired to do a commission not too long ago. It wasn't the most exciting project but it was so nice to think that somebody wanted my work, ya know? And then from there, everything that could go wrong, did. Or so it seemed. The person who commissioned me wouldn't talk to me, despite me being readily available for them to talk to in person, and having given them my email and phone number. When they finally did talk to me, they demanded a huge list of last minute changes, basically an entire paintings worth. Every step of this process was so frustrating, and now I'm left with a painting I don't want and never having been paid for my efforts. Ugh.

I've been trying to keep at it anyway. I love art, can't stop making. But sometimes it's easy to get discouraged when you are trying to build a following and it seems like it never really grows. But I know that's just how it goes....

Anyway, thanks for making a space to rant.

[gempompadour]

I hate that I almost always dislike the page I've drawn the minute it's finished. It's like clockwork. I work on it, am satisfied when I'm done and then... I look at it again and just... I hate it. All I see is flaws and maybe one or two good things.

I either hate the lineart, colors, composition or all of the above, and feel like I should work on it more, more, more! I'm never satisfied. I have to tell myself, girl, you're not getting paid to do this shit! Relax! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[komiktaksa]

@Kimoisempai I feel that so much. That's why I read more comics than I do making them

@rajillustration OH GOD YES. We artists and our loyal companion, Imposter Syndrome Being an artist at this digital age really demands a lot so I feel you

@kaiyaweird Yesssss I made this thread with artists like you in mind. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, some people (especially non-creative ones) tend to be inconsiderate Keep at it! It's seriously not easy and that's why some people don't do it because they don't even want to try. But you do and you're doing it! Thank you for sharing

@gempompadour I know right? I feel that way for almost every painting I made, too! In the end tho, we have to give ourselves a pat on the back for actually finishing what we started. We artists are so hard to ourselves

[Shanny8]

WHY ARE MY ARMS TAKING FOREVER TO HEAL?!?

I am literally going nutso looking at others' new made comic pages and art stuffs- I want to get back to doing stuff SOOOO bad, but I'm afraid that I'll ruin my arms even worse. I'm just getting back to the doctor, but I have to take of some other issues first before I can even tend to my arms.

I've been stretching, using a stress ball for my hands, wearing my compression sleeves and gloves- but it seems like it's not helping. My hands still feel arthritic af, my elbow area and my forearms are still jacked up and occasionally off & on hurting...

All I wanna do is work on my comic and draw other cool stuff I like.

[ButterflyEmpress]

I hate how slow I am. Time moves so fast and I can't get anything done. Going on instagram is starting to make me hate my art more. Artists there crank out masterpieces daily, while I struggle to post once a week and only 8 of my 50 followers seem to care. I'm trying to spruce up my web portfolio only to get stuck because I don't know much about JS as I thought I did, which means wasting more time on tutorials. Not to mention I worry that my comic will go on indefinite hiatus sometime in March/April if I don't pick up the pace.

[irene_addler]

I'm wondering what's even the point of continuing? I partly started my comic because I wanted to do something hard and stick with it, and be able to be proud of myself for doing something hard, sticking with it, and finishing (that and I fell in love with webcomics and really wanted to make one of my own). Yet here I find myself if it's worth it to continue because my work isn't good enough even though I spend so much time on it. Nothing I ever do is good enough. It eats into all of my spare time, and it's not good enough. It depresses me and makes me anxious and I'm sick of feeling worthless because of it, but I know if I quit it, I'll feel worthless because I quit.

[Cavechan]

If there's one thing that frustrates me more than anything... it's coloring. I don't know what it is. I try and try but I just feel my coloring is never good enough. I'm working on a title page right now and it actually is going pretty well, but I still feel like the coloring overall is lacking.

I look at the coloring everyone else does and it's always amazing?? How do you guys do it? I don't know.

Like one swish of a brush tool and it's already amazing.

And the more 3D look and painterly effects. I wish I could color like that.

[MAHOUxNEKO]

Don't get me started
Me and my stupid self wants to make manga in Japan. I know it's pretty much impossible but despite knowing that I keep clawing back to try and do it. Nothing ever feels the same, so it leaves an emptiness if I don't pursue it. It's also the entire reason why I'm learning Japanese. Everyday I doubt my decision to do it but mentally I really can't do anything else no matter how hard I tried. I switched my path from programming, military, health care management, Industrial Technician, 3D Artist, and Biology but I always stopped way too early to get anywhere or failed miserably and went back to making manga like a weirdo.

However when it comes to actual drawing I'm fantastic mentally. I know I'm not the best but I know how to get better so I don't let that bother me, but the rest of being an artist destroys this and I end up wasting my time.

[MAHOUxNEKO]

Have you ever done master studies or painting from real models or still life? I guess you can do it digitally but I feel like it's significantly harder to understand forms and lighting without a physical object to study unless you have perfect photographs to use. I'm not good but this isn't much of a concern for me, but it was when I was trying to do concept art.
I feel like when people study art they always jump to the last step to study instead of all the steps leading up to it. For example studying anatomy, but they don't study the figure, forms, perspective, physics, or anything else. So while they can draw the details their work is flat and looks weird and stiff. It took me a while to get my sister to stop focusing on anatomy so much. This obviously is just my guess, but I've seen this so often. I think to study color in a 3D painterly style. You need to understand 3D forms, value, lighting, hue, composition, perspective and other things. So if you don't know how to do any of these really well doing 3D looking painterly works seems impossible IMHO or extremely hard. Also starting with a limited palette and getting good at value seems like a must before learning how to do it in color. I could be wrong but this is just my two cents.

[Jophiel]

Tfw you have an idea for an fan illustration series but when it comes to thumbnailing or drawing it, you feel like it wont turn out the way you want and by the time you may finish it, the fandom isnt active anymore. I fee like part of it is also me feeling some sort of unknown pressure when drawing fanart, like my expectations are higher bc it's not wholely for me.

I also want to keep an active presence in the art community but I cant commit myself to churn out decent drawings because Im a bit bound to compare it with my other works.

[Cavechan]

Yeah, see, that's the thing that bothers me the most. I'm a professional artist. I have a BFA degree, have taken many drawing classes, watched tutorial videos, try and emulate what others do, try out new brushes, practice. But I just feel it never comes out right and is very difficult to get semi-decent. ._.

The 2D coloring is pretty meh too.

I think I need to keep practicing more. I've worked a lot more in black and white than in coloring.

It's so frustrating.

[Shanny8]

One of the reasons why I dont do much fan art- it comes and goes so quickly; by the time i figure out what I want to do, the thing is no longer popular. I have to give props to people who can bang out 8 or more pieces within the time frame that the character is popular coz I cant do stuff like that on the fly- it's even worse when it's something that I dont really have that much of an interest in.

[ButterflyEmpress]

I don't bother with fan art at all either. I don't get much enjoyment out of it. When I used to draw fan art, it always felt disingenuous and comes across as attention seeking (which is kinda true, but it doesn't work). Also I don't feel that I can give the character any justice or know what I'm supposed to draw them doing. What can I do to explore this character's personality that hasn't been done better by someone else or within the show? I prefer to stick with original content.

[Callirai]

At the moment I don't really have any doubt or anxiety in any bad way. I am a bit anxious for the future. Though that is only because I will be starting my first semester as a Fine Arts major come this January. I'm excited to see what the future holds. I can't wait to see what new things I learn and what I can come up with. I'm just excited to see where the future takes me and my art and creativity.

I will say, one rant I could have is more annoyed with the people around me. While everyone is supportive of my decision to switch from a psychology major to Fine Arts, many people also like to voice their opinion that I can probably get a good job with an art degree but that it probably won't be in the art field or what I actually want. But the thing is, if I went with a psychology degree, I wouldn't be in the art field either. And I would be much farther from it. If I am going to spend a ton of money on schooling, I would rather it be something that can not only bring me closer to the job prospects I want, but also to the future I want in general. Even of I don't end up working in the art field, or in the job I want, I would still be happy with a Fine Arts or art geared degree than I would be with something else.

[monotone_ink]

I was working on some storyboards today and suddenly scrunched everything up and ripped it apart. 40 pages worth of it.

@ladybugheart1998 keep going with that art degree mayn--you're better off studying something you have genuine interest in, since you'll be more likely to take on the opportunities that arise from it.

[Callirai]

Thank you! I am super excited for it and I am not going to let anyone get to me about it. I have done a lot more research than they have. And I have found that there are a ton of jobs that you can get in the art field with that sort of degree. Of course, I may not be able to get them. But I would have more of a fighting chance than if I didn't have an arts degree. I am going to stay optimistic about it!

[komiktaksa]

@Hodge I've read the entirety of your message. I would love to talk about it with you if you want to because I've faced something similar to that but of course if you'd rather not, I respect that decision.

@Shanny8 Okay so, my friend is currently facing something like that but with his back and your concerns are similar to his because it stops him from doing his tasks and projects. I asked him about what you're currently dealing with and wonders if you do anything differently with your diet? I'm not trying to solve your problem, of course but it's just because of the similarities with what my friend is having (he got REALLY depressed but is so persistent to want to be better) He told me that the moment he cut gluten from his diet, it improved his health because apparently gluten did something to his joints.
I hope you get to draw soon but please take care of yourself first! Health is so important and I'm sending you all the good vibes!

@ButterflyEmpress I'M WITH YOU AAAAHHHHHH it's really hard to not compare ourselves to others because of the doubt that we have within us. I also feel like a fool for going to tutorials a lot but it just shows that we want to improve tho and that's not a bad thing. I totally understand the times running out feeling because I feel that too hhhhh HOWEVER there's nothing wrong with going on your own pace. I hope I'm not stepping on a line by giving you an unsolicited advice in case you just want to rant and that's it.
I BELIEVE IN YOU!
KEEP IT UP!

@irene_addler Oh man, I'm sorry you feel this way. That's also the reason why I post that ZenPencils comic because it's so easy to feel hopeless after a while. It's like we do this for nothing and the days where we're passionate to do stuff don't stick around as long as our anxiety. I'm also struggling with that "I suck but if I stop I suck more" mindset. Please don't be hard on yourself it matters so much to you and that's why you feel this way

[Hodge]

Ahh thank you, I'm surprised someone actually read through that long nonsensical rant. I really appreciate it.

Idk I guess I just wanted to vent cause I really really love art. But its weird cause its a line of work that people romanticize and think they want to do, but their actions seem to say otherwise.

Its really frustrating, cause I got all excited and put in time and effort. But my old art buddy eventually just went "meh" every time, and is still complaining about the same stuff 1-2 years later. Even now I keep doing little things to help her, when she should just figure this stuff out on her own.

In reality, I think she's doing fine and she's just used to complaining to me, but its making me anxious when I'm kinda stressed about other things atm.

[DualDragons]

While i did feel the need to rant about something today, it's not purely art related. More action-related.
Plus i swear and shout a bit in that rant hence why i did it over on Deviantart and not here to spare you guys.

But yeah, it's mostly about the lack of interaction with people (in this case to make it more relevant about art and comics, readers). While there are always one or two people that regularly interact with me through the comments (i'm so grateful for them tbh) there's not really much chatting and interaction going on. That makes me a little sad.