Sorry to hear that you're going through that. It's hard when you have a demanding parental figure in your life, especially at a young age such as yours. Despite criticisms that come your way, know that you at least have fundamental worth as a human being.
Have you and your sister tried talking things out with your mother regarding that behaviour? Maybe now wouldn't be a good time, considering your apparent exhaustion, but taking that time to sort things out wouldn't be a bad idea.
Jesus man, stay safe.
Aight, just gonna do some stream of conscious typing here--feel free to skip it.
God I wish I was never born--not because life sucks, but because after everything that's been spent on me, I still have nothing to offer to anyone. I could jump off a bridge and die, but I have too much manga in my backlog to read.
Even posting stuff in this thread makes me feel like a prissy shit leech--in that I'm not really offering help to anyone but more so just ranting about the inane and irrelevant problems I have--but something something impulses and god whatever just shoot me in the head--preferrably with a 44. magnum, have you seen what those things do to someone's face? God damn.
Seeing the things people have to go through here leaves me worried--however, the persistence and emotional strength y'all seem to have brings me to tears--it's kinda great to see people trudging through their problems and striving for life, no matter what--inspiring as hell. I've really gotta get my shit together--need to learn how to cook, how to clean and fold clothes quickly and efficiently and what in the hell am I even saying god just die diedj e anyway, something something reching the word limit o the post, but anyway--
I have never been of help to anyone in my life. In comparison to a lot of people in this thread, my life has been absolutely perfect--no major problems in my childhood (save for that one annoying kid in my class in Singapore but that's a story for another time), no major developmental problems, no harrowing financial situations--I live in a house, I have food, I'm going through tertiary education, all my primitve needs are met.
Yet why am I miserable? Never in my life--save for the few times I reached the zone drawing or doing some other fun activity--haver I ever felt fulfillment, nor been useful to anyone. All my life I've been an emotional leech--never been the kind of kid that stood up for himself, and even now I have a very weak emotional frame. Always went to others to be defended, cried a lot as a kid and still irrationally emotional now.
I want to help people and be a good friend to people, but beyond cleaning the dishes, cooking dinners, taking care of my sibling, and other domestic tasks, I have no idea how to go about doing it. I don't want to waste the opportunity I have right now, and the fact that I'm feeling slightly better writing about this is making me even more depressed god fck this shit it never ends damn it someone get that magnum if this doesn't end I'm just going to make things worse for every onE
Thus marks the end of the meaningless rant. As much as this is an emotional support/advice thread, I don't really want anyone replying to the shit I just vomitted out--it's enough consolation that it's out there. Hell, I'll actually feel worse if you voice any concern--I'll be so angry that I'll find your house, break into your room, slap your ankles, and then turn myself to the police immediately after. That's how serious I am.