There are some mistakes.
In the first paragraph "…despite the mountain is dangerous, although…" could be "mountain being dangerous" or "despite the danger"
Another is "but we peasants who doesn't have" should be "who don't"
A lot of commas could be replaced by periods and it'd improve the reading. Try replacing most of the commas before I, We, She/He, etc., with periods and see which reads better and gives more clarity.
Avoid being repetitive, remove anything that doesn't provide relevant information.
For example "I ran and ran while crying in sadness and fear after crying for a long time I haven't noticed that I already arrived at the main side of Oblitus Village, but something went wrong."
"ran and ran" it's strange. It'd suggest he had to run again, meaning he must have stopped because of external factors or to catch his breath. If he ran without stop, one ran is enough and expresses the idea better.
"fear after" It needs a period. "fear. After" If that's what you wanted to write, then "crying" is the wrong option. Crying isn't the event that lead him to the village, it's running. So you could put it like this "fear. After running for a long time" or avoid repetition like this "After a long time, I noticed…".
"I haven't noticed" doesn't make sense. If he haven't noticed, how does he know? The "already arrived" is kind of redundant and it reads better without the already.
"at the main side of Oblitus Village" could be "at Oblitus Village" and nothing would change. Knowing he arrived at the main side is irrelevant.
I hope this helps.
