First-time writer looking for constructive feedback :)

@fsarbolaez Fidel S Arbolaez
Sat, 12 Mar 2022 18:04:30 +0000

@fsarbolaez wrote:

Hey, I got to read your first two chapters, and just from what I read, I'll give to a few suggestions:

When writing a novel, you should describe the sounds that are being made. Avoid the use of onamonapias (e.g. bang, crash, etc...)

Maybe use a line to separate parts of the story, when you jump between different parts in your timeline, like from the present to the past or visa versa.

Try to clarify who is involved in exchanging dialogue, by mentioning the speakers' names for at least the first lines each individual character, so that it will be a little clearer on what's going on (i.e. "Talk," said A.
"Talk," said B.
"Talk." } Implied continued conversation between A & B
"Talk." } Implied continued conversation between A & B
"Talk," said C.
"Talk," A said to C.
"Talk," B said to C.
"Talk," C said to B.
"Talk." } Implied continued conversation between C & B
"Talk." } Implied continued conversation between C & B
"Talk," C said to A.
"Talk," A said to C.
"Talk." } Implied continued conversation between C & A
"Talk." } Implied continued conversation between C & A
C leaves conversation.
"Talk." B said to A.
"Talk." } Implied continued conversation between A & B
"Talk." } Implied continued conversation between A & B
Etc, etc, etc...)

I hope this was helpful