How the hell do you make friends?

[Mic_Mac_Roni]

Yes, only blame yourself if it is a legitimate reason. People acting or reacting a certain way is never in your control, the only control you have is whether you stay friends with them or not. Easy to say so but this is the first step to building some confidence. Feeling guilty towards the things you can't control only waste a lot of time and energy. Best use that time and energy on yourself. Though it is hard to master, it does train on a more neutral outlook in the everyday.

He sounds like a big old jerk. Good on you removing him from your life! When people want to be miserable, they will take down anyone closest to them.

Yes, no biggie!

[clarissapattern]

This is a really good post, so much in life and the media is put on romantic relationships, but friendships can be just as difficult to find and maintain. Loneliness is so horrible.

[TheLemmaLlama]

Hot take -- you don't; you just do stuff which involves other people, and some of them might happen to stick :P

One thing to point out is that as someone looking for friends, you are essentially asking people to allow a random stranger into their regular lives for the intended point of becoming a part of it. In a way, it's sorta intrusive. If you start talking to people with already busy lives.. it's gonna be a uphill battle to try to awkwardly insert yourself into their schedule.

Tbh this is a good reason imo to not focus specifically on making friends, but just doing things that you want to do in their own right, which may just so happen to involve other people That way it's not about you but the activity; you're not inserting yourself into their life, but rather helping enhance an activity that they've already chosen to insert into their own life :]

I didn't have friends as a kid because I always worried I'd be burdening others by making friends with them :'D I'm now much more confident and satisfied with my social life after changing my perspective :] (There are certainly reasons why making friends might be tougher as an adult, but it was very much the opposite for me lmao XD)

---

Btw @barakothepirate, followed you on insta; feel free to talk to me about anything at any time :] If I ghost you, it's probably because I just haven't figured out what to say/have nothing to say; don't take that as a sign that I find you annoying, I'm unannoyable (and I will tell you explicitly but politely if that ever changes ) If you want to continue the conversation or say something else, just do it; I get it if it feels weird or awkward to you because it's not how people normally communicate, but I personally don't find it awkward at all

Probably someone who I at least hang out with in real life, and who would like to do stuff with me without me asking them or approaching them all the time.

It's reassuring to hear you say that; I'm always afraid of asking specific people to do stuff (as opposed to just announcing I'm doing stuff and letting whoever join) because I'm afraid of being creepy, so it's good to have explicit permission :'D (We probably can't hang out IRL though, for obvious reasons :P)

[barakothepirate]

Wow that's really good advice, about enchanting their chosen activity. Thank you! I'll keep it in mind!

Yeah, about burdening about other people by being friends, I can relate, especially as an adult in my mid twenties. Most of the people I hung out with I never invited out, they always invited me out first, was always afraid I might annoy them.

Cool! Yeah I'd love to chat on insta! You've got a cool artstyle just looking over it and your comic on tapas. Love to talk to you!

@clarissapattern
Yeah, I never really understood that. Although never really having a gf myself, it seems like having a good friend or two is like having one anyway, aside you never moving into together or having sex/a family. For me at least, I've always kinda prefered having friends over a gf. There's no pressure or anything with them, like having to be good enough for them (I have a low pay job), being attractive enough (also fat), being tall enough for them or whatever (I'm short). Although, don't get me wrong, would be nice having one, but yeah, so many problems with romantic relationships.

[Mic_Mac_Roni]

I agree on this statement, Clarissa. Part of me theorizes that the only reason why people focus on romance is because they gave up trying to get friends or keep friends. Finding their one "true love" seems more doable than keeping or getting friends.

Notice how some romance stories ONLY focuses on the main lead 's romantic relationship and nothing else? A good romance novel/comic will always mention how the lead character juggles the friendship, family, and work/school life with the romantic partner. Not drop everything for the romantic partner. Unless the mc was living under a rock or chose the hermit lifestyle, this isn't realistic.

Atleast, explain why the MC doesn't have a life outside their romantic partner.

[simplykit]

[ueonts]

Good thing about being older is that online friends can quickly become IRL ones.

[simplykit]

my way to make friends.

fight them in hand to hand combat.

after you've beaten yourselves up bloody and both fall down on exhaustion

you share your life struggles and goals

both laugh out loud at your differences but more on your similarities

you fist bump and become friends for life

[barakothepirate]

@simplykit
Lol. I've been in fights before. That never happens, anime lies. Sure you don't usually wanna kill each other after, but you usually too embarrassed to talk with each other after as well. I wish anime was real.

[clarissapattern]

having friends should like you say be less pressured than trying to make a longterm romantic relationship, but can be as emotionally fulfilling. You are reaching out, you are being honest, you will meet people that you click with

[Mic_Mac_Roni]

You forgot that friendship is magic.

[Headypigeon4180]

A lot of my friends online were made through comment sections or on forums. I like forums ^^

[simplykit]

@barakothepirate i was referring to fight club lol

oh yes! i wish anime was real too! then all the anime waifus would be mineeeeeee wooh! 🤣

[HarryM]

I'm in the middle of a fight with a friend of almost 30 years. We had a bad day, but instead of talking it out he chose to blacklist me. So... we're in the "giving each other some space" phase? I'm going to send him a hand-written letter in a month both apologizing and calling him out on his own bs. It does make you wonder if it's worth it, though. But then, what friendship would be, otherwise?

It's very disheartening. Then I look at my dog like, THIS is FRIENDSHIP!

Get a dog. Dogs are the best, haha.

[VividRunning]

For me, when I stopped trying to actually make friends, and started to just slowly talk to people more often and get to know them, I would find that some of those people had the same interests as me and then maybe we would become friends.