[CLOSED] I will read your first chapter and give feedback! NOVELS ONLY, SORRY [CLOSED]

Mountaintop 2024-01-02 05:50:03 UTC #165

Thank you for the feedback!

myklconforti 2024-01-02 06:02:16 UTC #166

Hey, thanks for this opportunity! I would love some feedback as I'm planning to publish my novel. There are no sexually explicit scenes but it does address eating disorders, so I understand if you don't want to read it.

MHSly 2024-01-03 03:18:29 UTC #167

Guevarra's Nirvana

Hi! Thank you so much for reading my short story, means so much that you liked it!
I read your first chapter and I really liked the premise of disappearing students and these investigators, I'm interested to find out more about them. I also really liked you're use of bold lettering to signify dialogue, I've only seen that used in interactive fiction , so it was an interesting style choice for a novel and I think helped to emphasize what was being said.

My suggestion:
Maybe instead of telling the reader how mean Megan is, find a way to show it. Perhaps have Megan stop by the classroom and scoff at Brielle's painting, or some other bullying action. In this first chapter I'm only told that Megan is mean to these girls, but I haven't seen any bad behavior so I'm not overly invested in seeing the main character retaliate against Megan just yet.
Hope this helps, thank you for sharing!

MHSly 2024-01-06 00:05:14 UTC #168

Dragon Cry: Reborn Remastered

Hi there! I think your story has an interesting start. It seems Troy lost a little of his humanity with the death of his parents and quest for revenge, or maybe he lost it before with his involvement with the gang prior to all this. It's quite disturbing that he's laughing while he's about to be executed. An interesting main character for sure, and an interesting start to an isakei.

My suggestions:
I wish I had more insight into his personality. This first chapter read more like a prologue, in that it just told me as a reader the events that happened before. It may just be my preference, but I would have liked to gone on the journey more with him, feeling his thoughts as he navigated his parents' deaths and imprisonment after he got his revenge.
My other suggestions is a little nitpicky, but when the AI first talks to him it introduces itself as a AI, and then Troy says "Let me guess, you're an AI." The AI already said it was an AI, so Troy saying this makes me wonder if he's not all there in the head or if him saying this was not your intention.
Hope this helps, thanks for sharing!

MHSly 2024-01-06 05:27:41 UTC #169

Reincarnated as a Rock in Another World

Hi! This story is so unique and charming, I actually read all of the chapters you have available. I really liked it, especially how things keep happening around the main character. I'm wondering if the rock will ever be moved from the lake and go on an adventure, or if it'll continue to just witness events as they unfold. I actually have no notes for you, this is well-written and a fun little story. Thanks for sharing!

badjonathan125 2024-01-07 13:25:22 UTC #170

Thank You for the feedback it has given me hope I can succeed

MHSly 2024-01-09 00:13:14 UTC #171

Love You To The Bones

Not gonna lie, this first chapter was intense and hard to read, but ultimately a great depiction of what goes through the mind of someone with an eating disorder. I'm left feeling sad but also hopeful that this new romance can help him overcome it. Your writing style is great and I have no notes for you, thank you for sharing!

myklconforti 2024-01-09 08:07:48 UTC #172

Wow that is like the greatest compliment/critique I have ever received!!!!! Thank you so much for reading and sharing your feedback of my book, it's the encouragement I needed to continue putting this story out there!

Love-Fight-Create 2024-01-10 22:11:37 UTC #173

I don't know if you are still doing this but I just uploaded my first novel

About: There is a new idol reality show that is the talk of the town. 'Star Finder' is a survival show that uses an open audition to find and narrow down Kpop hopefuls to create the biggest group 'Astra'.

Link: https://tapas.io/episode/3057059

MHSly 2024-01-12 23:46:15 UTC #174

I'm Gonna Be A Star

Hi, yes I am still doing this, I've been loving it actually. The variety of stories on Tapas is astounding! This is the first KPop novel I've read so far. I like this beginning a lot, the relationship between the two producers is sweet and I hope it stays that way. This confident girl that came late is intriguing too, and I hope she suceeds.

My suggestions:
You may need to practice more on punctuation. For example, there were a lot of long sentences that could use a comma or to simply be split into two sentences. There were also times around dialogue where there was either no punctuation or the wrong kind.
For example: "Because you take too long to get ready." She retorted.
This should be: "Because you take too long to get ready," she retorted.
When a dialogue tag (he said, she retorted, etc.) is used in this way, you would connect the tag to the dialogue by using a comma (,) instead of a period (.) and not capitalizing 'she'.
Those are my only suggestions, I hope it helps and thank you so much for sharing!

MiharuWrites 2024-01-15 13:46:27 UTC #175

Been working on this for months and finally got started on here yesterday. Your offer is much appreciated. Which of your works would you like me to check out in return?

MHSly 2024-01-16 22:21:40 UTC #176

Irish Dame

Hi there, welcome to Tapas and good luck with your first novel! If you like you could read the story I'm currently updating, Forty-Seven Flowers https://tapas.io/series/Forty-Seven-Flowers/info, or if you would rather have a quick read of a completed short story you could go for The Protector of Raelin https://tapas.io/series/The-Protector-of-Raelin/info. You don't have to read the whole thing for either, but I would sure appreciate some feedback as well.

Your story has a good beginning, however I did find this first chapter a bit short. While the descriptions of the injured man are good, I am finding it hard to picture the main character, and from just reading the first chapter I don't even know her name. It can be hard sometimes to get the right balance of description in first-person, but I do think giving a little more to the reader would go a long way. Other than that I have no notes, hope this helped and thank you for sharing!

lignorice 2024-01-17 01:33:41 UTC #177

Hello! Thank you for the opportunity! 🥺 Would you mind to check mine? I am new to writing novel in english and english is not my main language (bet gonna have a lot of review in terms )

Mine is a fantasy novel, set in sword and magic world.

MiharuWrites 2024-01-17 19:23:07 UTC #178

Thank you! I did debate putting chapter 1 and 2 together but bridging that time gap seemed tricky. The lack of self-description about herself seemed more natural given the context. She found someone injured and he became the main focus of her thoughts. Hope that makes sense. I hear what you're saying though.

Read chapter 1 of The Protector of Raelin. It was good! Lots of background info that integrated well without feeling forced.

MHSly 2024-01-19 00:11:47 UTC #179

Eigria: Lume

Hi there! I really like this first part of your prologue, lots of backstory that really grounded me in the story. I like the main character so far too, he seems thoughtful and compassionate.

My suggestions:
As you mentioned, English is not your first language and I could tell with some sentences. However overall it was very good, only a few minor things here and there. It may be helpful to find a native English speaker that could proofread your work for you. But you can also learn by reading other (well-written) stories. I have no other notes for you, this was well done and intriguing. Thank you for sharing!

MHSly 2024-01-19 00:13:55 UTC #180

Hi, thanks for checking out my story! I really appreciate it!

I see, yes it can be hard to jump around, but in this case i do think it would be helpful to combine chapters 1 and 2 for the reasons I shared before. Of course this is your story and you may do whatever you deem right with it, I'm really grateful you wanted to share with me

lignorice 2024-01-19 01:28:33 UTC #181

Thank you very much for taking your time, liking the story, and suggestion. You reply made my day

I'm taking your suggestion into consideration. I have one friend who proofread (better at me in grammar but she is also not a native speaker). It's after the first chapter released, though. She did give some review about grammar and vocabs, but she is focusing on upcoming chapters.

Planned to go back to fix the prologue and my grammar once I managed to settle my schedule. Also, to read yours. I'm still fixing my buffer chapters 🥲

lignorice 2024-01-19 11:57:19 UTC #182

@MHSly Btw I tried first chapter of Gaijan and it got me hooked. I also took a peek on Protector of Raelin. Your first chapter on both stories are good and flows without overdumping info Love both of them, gonna read it more when I have more free time

MHSly 2024-01-19 15:21:20 UTC #183

Thank you so much for reading, means so much to me!

And that's great you already have someone to help out! Thanks again for sharing!

Leyelle 2024-01-19 20:03:05 UTC #184

I don't know if I count for this, because you've already reviewed my first chapter once before, but if you're willing, this is the first chapter of the sequel to "Damsel in the Red Dress" (it's posted on the same page for clarity, but it's the second book, hence the different cover and title)