Im new, just posted my novel, is it good enough?

[Shinkaido]

here we go,

just shoot me, im accepting any critics

https://tapas.io/series/Time-Breaker

[Kelheor]

I'd say it definitely needs polishing. There are a ton of missing full stops, the tenses are mismatched, wrong grammar here and there. This kind of frivolous commenting is off-putting, because it reads like a casual rp, not a novel text, it just needs better formatting

[Shinkaido]

thank you for your input

[Elysee]

So, out of my personal taste in Novel i would work on the way you tell the story. For example explain the room your character is in like these white walls felt like choking me, making me feel the illness even more etc. or how your character get's out of the house. Talk to your readers as if they don't know anything about your character or they world they live in because they don't know it.
Also give your character more life, he got lung cancer therefore would be out of breath rather quick and encounter with military would stress the lungs even more.

Don't take my words to hard, everyone makes mistake!