Hey! I love trading reviews with people. I've only read the first chapter, but here's what I got for you!
You're very good at imagining exactly what you want your scene to be and then putting it into words. Your images are very poignant. However, they come at awkward times, making your writing seem a little stilted. Instead of giving us description in between every piece of dialogue and every action, save it! Do a little bit of set up-- we'll forgive you for a little bit of narrative description. We want to be able to read the dialogue smoothly.
That's my main critique-- my other is that you might want to brush up on your use of commas. Just look up some grammar tips and go through to make sure that everything's being used correctly. Some of your sentences just have too many words in them! Remember: you're not just going for images, you're not just going for correct grammar: You're going for concise. You want your images to be crisp. Each sentence needs to be as short and as clear as you can possibly make it. Each sentence is its own work, in a way. If you've never read Ray Bradbury, I advise reading some of his stories to see what I'm talking about! Every single one of his words is perfectly chosen. He reads like poetry, and I think we should all aspire to that.
Also, your title is incredible. Just amazing. It makes me want to read more.
All right, here's mine!
Content warning: future episodes will contain horror, attempted/implied sexual assault, and fantasy violence.