Let's talk about the leads in our romances

Animal508 2024-03-27 15:40:44 UTC #21

In that case, it's employee x employee, or employee/artist x commissioner/customer.

Leyelle 2024-03-27 15:41:42 UTC #22

I'll look it up. And yeah, I think the primary threat with employee x boss romances is that they give one party too much power and an opportunity to manipulate the other person. That's not the case when you simply make them both employees, even the artist or model a makeup artist works for has no power to fire them, change their pay or anything, so while one person may be more "important" to the company in theory, they are both just employees.

Leyelle 2024-03-27 15:42:58 UTC #23

yeah, and I can get with that better than employee x boss. even customer x provider makes a bit more sense, because one person isn't in control. I mean it's not a crime to like your boss or your employee, but it's risky

Leyelle 2024-04-11 23:15:11 UTC #24

The more I write about Kattar, the more unusual his childhood becomes.

How much back story have you written concerning the childhood's of your romance leads?

Leyelle 2024-05-08 01:36:50 UTC #25

Well my new story isn't a romance, but I might as well rank my leads anyway:

Riley is 5'6 (tho tbf he's 15 and still growing)

He's bulimic, so he's thinner than he should be for his height.

She's his sister, so he has no awkwardness interacting with her. He drives her up a wall by calling her "Licorice" but he also trusts her with basically all his secrets.

Definitely not lol

He doesn't really insult her often, though he does complain about her a lot. Sometimes justifiably

They are middle class suburban white American kids, so they'd be rich by most of the worlds standards but just normal for the people around them. They always have food and snacks, they have their own computers and phones, but their parents don't give them literally everything they want. His older sister has her own car, but it's not a super expensive car etc.

He is mildly possessive of his sister, but in a normal healthy "watch what you say. That's my sister you're talking about" sort of way.

He's not shy but legitimately scared a lot, and it shows by him just being quiet. nobody but his sister can tell that he's scared. she's also the only person he really talks to about anything. period.

He knows what she told him, and that's virtually everything. they don't even try to keep each other out of their phones. but they gave each other permission to know and do all the things they do. they respect each other's privacy, but they trust each other enough to share most of their secrets.

nah

he's known her for fifteen years. yah know. since the day he was born.

So now we move on to Leia

yes

this is difficult to answer. she's got a bit of a doughy stomach and thighs coming in because she eats the lunches her brother won't eat so no one will ask questions about it. she's not super happy that she's gaining additional weight, but she's also not doing anything to try to lose it. maybe just because she's trying to be a "good example," and trying to lose weight would confuse her current attempts to make her brother gain some.

hahaha

she has a very few instances where she's uncomfortable, but she's not shy.

her self-esteem is middling. She's not super happy about her body or appearance, but also doesn't spend a lot of time caring about it because she feels there are more important things to worry about at the moment.

again, he's her little brother. she's well aware that he's attached to her because they have a pact.

There might be two. I'm not sure that counts as several.

hahaha.

she dresses almost exactly like her little brother. jeans. hoodies. sneakers. occasionally eyeliner, and she calls it a day. honestly he wears more makeup more often than she does.

probably no makeover coming. she might wear something nice at some point, but not a long-term makeover of any kind most likely.

she's watching him almost 24/7 to keep him safe, but that was her decision, not his.

nope. she's an over-tired over-stressed high school student just trying to save her little brother from himself. she wasn't trying to avoid falling in love, but her attention is largely divided.

also no. she is a book worm, but she loves sci-fi, mysteries and fantasy.

(this chapter is available for free on my Patreon for everyone to read

HostileFren 2024-05-08 02:01:52 UTC #26

I figured I'd add my characters in here. I used my MCs from the second part of my main book
Theodore (Teddy)
1. Yes
2. Yes, although he is one of the most elite soldiers so kind of only makes sense
3. Nope, he's a mixture of awkard/shy and confident (depending on the situation and his comfort level)
4. No, see above
5. Nope, he obviously finds her beautiful but he hasn’t been speechless yet
6. No insults here, he is a sweet boy
7. Actually not at all, FL is the breadwinner here
8. Nope, honestly the FL would not appreciate this
9. No, they have a talk about their feelings pretty early on, communication for the win
10. Nope, everything he knows about her has come from somewhere (chatting with her parents, herself directly)
11. Nope, I don’t think he’s given her a gift yet actually
12. Yep, but they’ve been through a lot
Alice
1. Kind of- She's got shoulder length curly reddish brown hair. If it was straight it would obviously be much longer
2. Yes
3. No, she’s tall with a curvy figure
4. Nope, she has no problem speaking her mind to anyone and everyone
5. Not at all
6. No, of course she knows, she also had no problem making the first move
7. No, actually just the ML
8. Yes, but only because she literally owns a clothing shop at the beginning
9. No, see above
10. Nope, actually the opposite over here
11. Kind of, but not really. She loved her career but always wanted a family. Without spoiling anything, she is no longer able to manage the shop and winds up with a more demanding job
12. Not at all, I imagine she wasn’t allowed to date when she was younger and just hadn’t found someone she was attracted to yet. Also, I can’t imagine her willingly reading anything that she doesn’t have to.

Leyelle 2024-05-08 02:09:24 UTC #27

ahhh, but is it coming tho?

n-not a reader? not a reader? what do people do without books, like stare at unpainted walls or something?

HostileFren 2024-05-08 02:20:41 UTC #28

Actually, I hadn't even thought about it until I read the prompt. But... I couldn't help imagine their wedding as soon as I read it. I definitely think that he'd be the type to cry upon seeing how she looks and I'm sure he wouldn't know exactly how to respond.

To be honest, I don't know what I'd do without reading either but her life is crazy at the moment. To be fair, she doesn't really have time for reading with everything going on and I imagine that she prefers spending her time socializing more than reading. However, her cousin (The ML of the first part) loves to read and owns a multitude of books that take up a large part of the living room of his house.

Leyelle 2024-05-08 02:26:36 UTC #29

You have planned up until their wedding?!

...I say as if i'm not already planning things for the fifth book of "Damsel in the Red Dress."

Well maybe talking to real people is almost as good as reading books

HostileFren 2024-05-08 02:37:16 UTC #30

Not exactly, just a rough idea at the moment, but they will definitely be married in the future. They briefly discuss the future in a few chapters, so it is kind of inevitable. Besides, I imagine my FL is impulsive enough to convince him to marry her despite not knowing each other for long.

Maybe for some people, but most days I think I still prefer my books

Leyelle 2024-05-08 02:42:08 UTC #31

Let's hope that doesn't hit any bumps in the road further down the line when they realize there are a lot of things they still don't know about each other

HostileFren 2024-05-08 02:59:54 UTC #32

As much as it would add plot to the story, both characters have been great about communicating even if it took a bit of prodding from the FL in the beginning. Honestly I'm enjoying their healthy relationship so far and I would honestly feel terrible about ruining it for something they could simply talk about.
I think that certain aspects of their pasts will definitely come up and play a role in certain situations in their future, but I intend for them to work through things together instead of allowing it to cause them to drift apart. They were originally intended to be side characters and the overall plot isn't dependent on their romance, so I don't feel the need to add in extra drama surrounding their relationship

Leyelle 2024-05-08 03:06:11 UTC #33

XD, of course more drama isn't needed that's not intended in your plot, but hitting bumps in the road doesn't inherently mean the relationship isn't healthy.
Most relationships, especially with people that are dealing with any sort of trauma will get messy even if/when you do talk them out.
And especially with trauma, there can be things you don't even remember until something triggers it, and talking it out doesn't automatically mean you can get past it immediately no matter how loving and supporting a significant other you have. It doesn't have to make you drift apart, but it can make things more difficult. But it still depends on the story you're trying to write. Depending on your characters they might never run into something like that.

HostileFren 2024-05-08 03:20:50 UTC #34

This is true. I do see them having their fair share of problems, but I imagine that they'll both put in the work to be better for each other. I guess I'm mostly just avoiding the miscommunication trope because I feel like it is so common and I want something different.

My characters have had some preliminary conversations particularly about the MLs trauma, and I definietly haven't delved into a proper conversation. However, I imagine that his respect for the FL and the care he has for her will prevent any major reactions directed toward the FL. Although things could get messy, I imagine that he will redirect his feelings to something else in order to cope, effectively reducing any extra strain on their relationship.
I haven't spent much time discussing his past due to the fast pace of events in the last few chapters so I haven't had much time to think about the topic.

But I do know that it isn't something I imagine resolving immediately or even relatively soon. Healing takes time and I imagine that his past will likely affect him in some ways for the rest of his life. However, I don't intend on him using his trauma to treat the FL badly or differently at any point. I feel like it is common in stories to use a MLs past trauma tojustify their rude/cold or awful behavior and I just don't picture my ML like that

Leyelle 2024-05-08 03:27:27 UTC #35

Yeah, this is definitely used a lot. I didn't want to use that in DITRD either where it's like "he said this but she interpreted it as this, and then they refuse to talk it out so it goes on..."

But as long as you choose to work through it, for yourselves and for each other, trauma doesn't have to end a relationship.

I will say, as someone who has experienced it/lives with it personally, that you can choose not to take your trauma out on people, but even if you find other ways to cope, that won't inherently take away any reactions you might have to other people, or get rid of any strain on the relationship. It'll still effect you emotionally, and you can't really choose to turn that off no matter how much you love someone.

I don't know what your character has been through or how your writing him, so i'm definitely not judging the execution, but from my personal experience, a reaction doesn't inherently mean that you're exploding at someone, but something as simple as a word, or being touched can trigger anxiety and things like that when you're suffering or recovering from trauma.

Definitely not. Trauma never justifies treating other people poorly. I can't stand stories that justify mistreating other people in any way, especially not when they call it "romance."

HostileFren 2024-05-08 03:40:53 UTC #36

This is definitely true, they are both still early on in the relationship so it mostly has manifested as low self esteem. My ML struggles with the things he's been through and done and is worried that he isn't enough. Although the FL provides assurance that he is and will always be enough, I intend to explore more on his emotions and feelings.
I'm not saying that there won't be any reactions or strain on the relationship, but considering he views her as his safe space, it is unlikely that the FL will trigger his trauma. He's not a particularly emotional person, but he is able to let his guard down around her. I definitely imagine that he will have reactions to other people or places/situations that remind him of his trauma.

These are great suggestions. I haven't really spent much time detailing his feelings in the book but I think it'll be something that is sprinkled throughout. These are great examples of ways to show that he still struggles and I definitely think I'll be using this as inspiration for a couple of scenes. I knew that an explosion of emotions doesn't suit how I'm writing him but I hadn't really had any specific ways to address the trauma aside from a planned confrontation with the source of his trauma

Leyelle 2024-05-08 03:49:58 UTC #37

Yeah. Depending on what the source of his trauma is it might be worthwhile to Google some different kinds of PTSD to help you write it if (don't know if you have, so I never assume) you haven't experienced something similar.

I have the convenience of mostly only writing the kinds I suffer from into my stories so I don't have to do extra research, but I think one thing that might surprise people is how subtle it really is sometimes. Of course in the end it still depends on how you want to write the story. Some people show it more overtly with things like constant trembling and things like that and others could seem "normal" until something makes them shut down emotionally, or get defensive.

Though, with a lot of kinds of trauma even someone you consider your safe space can trigger it. Trauma is often indiscriminate in that way, so it might be worth noting to avoid your FL saying any or doing any of the things that trigger him when other people say or do them if you want him to feel 100% safe around her

(I say as if he's a real person)

me and some of the people I'm closest with are still having to tell our triggers to the people we love the most when they unconsciously trigger or send us into panic mode

Leyelle 2024-05-08 04:18:06 UTC #38

@HostileFren So I'm curious. From what you've told me he probably likes her because she's such a safe and encouraging person to be around, right? Why did she fall for him? Or does he like her for an entirely different reason and her encouraging nature is something he learned later?

You mentioned her making the first move and stuff, so what made her decide she wanted to form a relationship with him?

HostileFren 2024-05-08 04:18:17 UTC #39

I don't have PTSD so this is definitely a topic that I am not 100% confident in writing. Looking up more information might be a good idea though. I know a bit of the basics of PTSD, simply becuase I'm a nursing student and we have a know a little bit of everything, but I definitely wouldn't consider myself an expert by any means
A bit of a spoiler, but it's relevant:
My MLs trauma is mostly related to the fact that as a soldier he'd been forced to do things that he hadn't exactly wanted to and that he was also subject to the abuse of the tyrant he'd been forced to serve
Since I don't intend the FL to force him to do anything he doesn't want to do (in fact I imagine she wants to shelter him as much as he'd let her) and she doesn't plan to abuse him nor does she resemble his abuser, I didn't think that she'd be likely to trigger any of his trauma. She is also aware of the trauma and for sure I think she'd be cautious to bring up any triggering topics around him.
She is also the reason that they were able to overthrow the tyrant, bringing him some peace now that his abuser is behind bars. Obviously this doesn't make everything okay but I do think it would contribute to him feeling that she is a safe person.
That being said I do imagine there will be situations where he gets overly protective or defensive but since his trauma is primarily linked to one person, I don't imagine any major outbursts directed at anyone else. I'm imagining that mentally he has identified the tyrant as the cause of his suffering, but still struggles primarily with self-esteem and self-worth. Especially regretting not standing up for himself and others earlier. I imagine that he primarily experiences nightmares and anxiety as a result.
So far, he's been primarily "normal" but he hasn't exactly been acknowledging his emotions due to the fast pacing of events as the FL overthrew the tyrant and assumed control. I imagine that in his case, the subtle signs and maybe using the nightmares will provide an opportunity to explore the depth of his trauma, but I imagine that his struggles primarily lie internally at this point in the story. (Of course, I do intend to do a confrontation chapter so I expect emotions to intensify there)
Instead of an emotional outburst where he lashes out at the FL, I imagine that he is more likely to instead enter a panic mode and deparately try to protect her from a threat that may or may not be there.
I plan for him to actually retire as a soldier, because I see that as his main trigger before he can properly heal.
I would normally have him join some sort of mental health support, but my fantasy world doesn't exactly have pyschiatrists and therapists

Leyelle 2024-05-08 04:35:38 UTC #40

don't worry XD, I think in the end, what matters most is intention. it is a story, so it's okay to learn as you go.

Definitely doesn't have to be the case. I certainly wasn't saying him being triggered might result in an outburst at her. Very often trauma doesn't mean an emotional or violent outburst, especially when it's fear based, and it is quite often internalized, so this makes a lot of sense. It also makes a lot of sense if she doesn't resemble the tyrant and is careful of his triggers for him not to be triggered by her.

Tho I'm not a soldier, so I can't judge the sort of PTSD they suffer from, so the only thing I can say about this is that very often, trauma is a bit like breaking a leg.

Any pressure on the injury will be painful to your leg, even if it has nothing to do with what broke it, so even if he mentally associates the trauma with the tyrant, there is a good chance little things that remind him of the tyrant could also be a risk.

For instance, she's assuming power in the tyrant's place, so it might be better to repaint the throne room, get rid of the old furniture, that sort of thing. Just an example of course, because not literally everything will be a trigger, it's often just specific subtle reminders. You can easily pick a handful of things most central to what he did that trigger the trauma, say the sound of a military bugle and things like that, and that be enough to represent his trauma, especially depending on how distant it is, though from what you explained I think this was in the space of a pretty short time?

I can just give an example of myself, because thank goodness, I've recovered enough to be able to share, but there was a point when the sound of a certain person's phone ringer (the individualized ringer set to that person's number) would give me immediate anxiety, and while in general, the idea of romance, doesn't trigger me (I mean, I write romances, and love it) being touched is still a trigger for me, so regardless of whether I'm interacting with the person who hurt me, even something as simple as someone gently moving me to this side I can't be comfortable with.

These are just my perspectives ofc, because everyone deals with it differently, but I think you'll be fine writing your story so don't worry XD. I definitely don't want you to get stressed out or worried

Unfortunately fantasy worlds usually offer no better help than hypnotism smh