LGBTapas! December Invite

[amortelito]

Hi, I don't mean to pile up. Since it's a private server you have all the right to remove whoever you want.
I have heard about the trash talk from different members. I'm glad that you acted. That's great to hear! It means that you care about your community. I know of lgbtq people who wouldn't join for that reason (me for example) .

Now, is being inactive is a cause to get kicked out? Can't you contact the member first. I mean, if Lgbtq people already have a hard time finding safe places to disclose their identity, imagine getting kicked out with no explanation. Literally for doing nothing . Is Azifri supposed to feel grateful towards your sever or why even say this kind of gratitude?
I'm not against you, I'm just surprised because regardless of what you think right now I think Azifri is one of the best people for discussing and supporting diversity.

[snailienz]

I did not say gratitude, I said attitude. Jumpong in here saying they were removed for "not being queer enough" was snippy and uncalled for when to my knowledge they have never even asked why they were removed or contacted any of us.

I am not going to be arguing about this here. We do a activity sweep every now and then because of problematic people on the forums that often try to sneak into places they are unwelcome by making side accounts and pretending they are someone else. We have had it every time we start recruiting, which is why we moved to a ask for invite system. We likely won't need to do it anymore because of this new system.

[TAMAnnoying]

I think that would be be beneficial idea; I mod a busy server and it can be really hard for new people to engage especially if there’s already a “friend group” of sorts who post memes and inside jokes that you have to be on the server for some time to get.

If the idea that you need to be active is presented in the OP it can help people not feel hurt later if they made the choice to join and then never posted anything for three months. They already knew that it was a possibility but where still able to give it a shot if that’s something they really wanna try

[snailienz]

I can understand that. We actually are trying a system that will fix the need for that in the future. If this goes well we won't need to remove inactives because we can vet new people manually before they enter. We had a couple of people who tend to say covert phobic things on the forums join in secret and then not post at all, so we were a little jumpy letting inactives stay at that point. Now that we can check them out, it shouldn't be a problem.

[UrMom]

Yeah, I know the already established friend groups thing is one of the big reason I don't jump in very often. For socially anxious people it feels like your interrupting a private conversation, also you don't really even know what they're talking about half the time. Lol

Jumpong in here saying they were removed for "not being queer enough" was snippy and uncalled for

To be fair, if Azifri is pansexual, non-binary, and/or ace I can understand them thinking that. I'm a transmasc non-binary aroace, and every Pride Month social media is relentlessly flooded with posts about how people like me aren't queer enough to be part of the community. Azifri didn't come off as passive aggressive in their post, more like just guessing, if they didn't contact you they probably weren't too bothered by the boot.

Either way, not telling you what to do, just making an observation on why they might have said that. You all can do whatever you want with your server, and it's really cool you're working out a system that works for quiet people. I don't know how Discord works still, attempted to run a server once, but I can imagine trying to build a good, inclusive yet careful system can be a pain in the ass. I wish you all the best of luck!

[Azifri]

@UrMom I was just writing about that!

Jumpong in here saying they were removed for "not being queer enough" was snippy and uncalled

I honestly thought this could have been a reason for getting booted, since I didn't disclose that much information about myself because I consider being queer a personal thing. In that context, I obviously didn't feel like contacting you. As a former forum mod, it's normally the mod's courtesy to inform (or at least send a generic message) about the reasons for banning, expulsion, etc. Anyway, don't want to derail your thread any longer!

[TAMAnnoying]

I don't know how Discord works still, attempted to run a server once, but I can imagine trying to build a good, inclusive yet careful system can be a pain in the ass.

You want LOTS of mods from different time zones so SOMEONE is awake when a fight inevitably happens

[Cronaj]

Heyo! I'm interested in joining, if you all will have me

[Bree_Mana]

Luckily we do have mods in different time zones, it works well for us!

[snailienz]

I got you friend. :3c

[UrMom]

YES! Luckily the server I had for that short period of time was tiny thanks to it being for my comic, if it had been larger I would have totally been in over my head.

Anyways, I'm done derailing the thread now.

[Bree_Mana]

A link has been sent you way!

[darthmongoose]

To clear matters up about this "toxic gossip", it was literally just some people complaining about a series of threads and posts in short succession on the forums that were repeatedly asking LGBTQIA+ creators to justify ourselves and our work. People were frustrated and wanted to just vent about how annoying it was.

Somebody apparently went as far as to report this to the Tapas forum mods with screenshots, who came to me about it (because... apparently I'm in charge of the server now? Seriously, I wasn't even a mod when the discussion they were complaining about happened), saying that the person who reported it was "worried it might be targeting certain users for bullying", completely blowing the entire thing out of the water. After a short and very polite discussion, The mods agreed that the screenshots forwarded from the server supported how I'd described them, "people venting about wishing some users would stop being jerks and making posts and threads asking us to explain ourselves, especially right after other similar threads had just closed", and that at no point had any suggested targeting or bullying anyone. The discussion was long over by that point and everyone had agreed not to discuss people by name any more to avoid problems in future.

I meanwhile WAS targeted. By a user we'd removed, using 3 different sockpuppet accounts, so they could keep harassing me even when blocked, accusing me of removing them like I was some kind of mastermind of the whole thing and insulting me and my work through both forum DMs and then site DMs. So maybe if you want to talk about LGBTQIA+ people being targeted and censored... perhaps you're targeting the wrong party? We've removed our vent channel because we're apparently not even allowed to discuss toxic behaviour without people trying to shut us down, and we remove lurkers because there's too big a risk of somebody who doesn't actually want to interact at all joining the server just to share "juicy gossip" with people outside of it, endangering the safety of everyone on there and stopping it being a place for free discussion.

[Namiar]

Hiyaa! I'd be happy to join!

[snailienz]

Yeah this exactly is why we started only sharing one use links to people in private. We can't let stuff like that fly. It caused our community way too much stress before.

[snailienz]

You have a link in your dms btw.

[Bree_Mana]

I've sent a ink to your DMs!

[Penni]

I'm interested!

[Bree_Mana]

There should be a link in your DMs!

[snailienz]

Got you! Check your dms.