Mind helping me out and doing a crtique on this novel?

[X237]

Yes this is inspired by a similar topic made by Essenic! So if you have time hop on over there and help them out too if you have time. Back on the original topic. Around 20 or so chapters have already been done and uploaded on other sites but I still would like for a few kind hearted people to give their opinion on my novel.

Such as how good is my beginning. Or maybe the unique factor of the overall story. Maybe just on my writing style in general. If you have any suggestions for my writing whether its on how characters interact (Not entirely sure if I've uploaded the chapters with it but when it arrives giving you're opinion would be nice) or how I describe actions and the environment.

Thank you to any awesome readers/writers/artists who help me out!

My novel: https://tapas.io/series/Tales-of-a-Killer-Flower

[Penni]

If you don't mind a little wait, I don't mind doing a review

My plate is a little full so it take me some time to get it done.

[X237]

Thanks a ton Penni! I don't mind waiting a bit.

[Penni]

Cool beans. I'll get started soon

[darkone4587]

I might get into it sometime later. For right now I have an early morning and it's super late where I am.

[X237]

Thanks for the help!

[ZFalk]

Hey, I just read through your first chapter, and I love your voice - it's good! If you wanted, you could do a minor clean up. There's some repetition of unnecessary words, such as

'Looking up I saw a couple of teenagers wearing thick coats and wearing beanies entering the gas station.'

You could take out the second -wearing- to make it read cleaner. Or switch up the adjective so it was a past adjective, as they generally read stronger.

ie I looked up as two teenagers entered the gas station. They wore thick coats and beanies.

Stuff like that.

But, dude it's good - I liked it!

[X237]

Thanks for the input! I was concerned my novel wasn't up to par since it hardly gets any views on this site.

[ZFalk]

No worries! It's good, you've got something there

And don't worry about the small number of views - the audience for novels on tapas is still quite small. Give it time, and it'll start building

[LovelyOtter]

Okay, so this is a great story idea! Here are my pointers:

• Information overload. Everything is happening too quickly, and we're getting too much information. Bam! Joe gets shot. Bam! Joe wakes up in a cave. Bam! There's a mysterious voice talking to him. Bam! He has stats! Bam! A beast is attacking him. We're just getting too much. I would suggest starting slowly. Maybe he gets to see his stats when he earns more points?

• I can't tell who's talking. Is Joe talking? Is Alfred talking? It's really hard to tell. I wouldn't use brackets (these: [ ]" to show when someone is talking. If you don't want to use quotation marks, then either put the text in bold or in italics. You have to differentiate it when Joe is thinking, and when he's talking.

• Joe isn't reacting. Joe doesn't really seem surprised at all or anything. He seems to be accepting what's going on. Normally, first he'd be in confusion, in denial, then in acceptance. He seems to know right away how to defeat the beast.

Overall, this is a really cool concept for a story, and you have lots of potential!

[X237]

Thanks for the input! I'll tell my editor to put that sort of stuff in when it comes to talking. As for pacing you'll have to bear through a number of more chapters like that since they're already made and published elsewhere. But I'll be sure to slow the pacing on the newer chapters.

[LovelyOtter]

Alright, cool! Glad I helped!