Ok, I read the first three chapters and skimmed everything up to the current episode posted.
First thing's first, it is pretty dang messy. The switch between first and third person, and back to first again was jarring.
And yes, the first paragraph of chapter 2 was very confusing due to its structure, at first I thought Mannis was saying all those things. When you have a new subject speaking, and a subject reacting to the words, they each need a new paragraph, especially since the dialogue didn't have any dialogue tags.
And to compound the overall confusion further is the time jumping. At this point I still don't know what the accident involving Jay is. It would be best to lay that out sooner rather than later. And then the tone jumps around too; you go from mission to kill, to sex scene. Like it can be done, but there sorely needs to be a segue or transition between the two. Right now it's just a scene switch with each new episode and it becomes very choppy.
Also the writing style and dialogue is pretty … teen-relating-to-teen? Especially when interjected with authorisms and comments. I personally can't really get into it.
As far as ways to improve, aside from what's already been mentioned, you have to ask yourself what kind of writing style do you wish to aspire to? Do you want to write for a more adult audience or for teens?