Hi guys, I need to know your opinion about my comic. I'm going to use this poem for my final chapter of my comic and I need your help to give me opinion and correct me if i'm wrong. Of course, this is my first time making this poem and I know it suck. It's the final part where the character lost her boyfriend and found this poem written by her boyfriend:
The world that shrouded my existence was gloomy, gloomy as ever,
As I(1) am a stone wouldn’t move even an inch,
I exist where no light shall pierced through the empty darkness,
Lonely, pain, and frustration I felt,
I howled, as my voice echoed through the surrounding,
In return, the sound of stridulation are the laughter of my failure,
My city, my people, my king,
Vanished from my hands like sand.
As I am once saved, I met a human goddess,
Young as an immature bud of flowers,
Who showered a devil with love(2),
This love, so fresh, so real, that makes it feel whole again,
This goddess, gave me reason,
Why must I live,
Why must I protect,
Why must I be a stubborn knight who doesn’t understand the word “ give up” despite learning it over again,
That goddess, her name….,
Is Olivia Flynn.
Olivia, it’s been many years,
I’ve seen you how much you’ve grown,
You(3) have a crippled confidence,
A soul with hopeless courage,
A pen who cowers in fear,
Watching you like this,
Shatters my soul of joy,
As time move like a restless cheetah, you slowly become a swan,
A swan that was possessed by grace and beauty,
A swan who gets feisty for her love one,
A swan who is a wild card that never ceased to surprised me.
And now Olivia,
As you are reading this,
My words in here will be a voice speaking to you directly,
This is the time where I must ask you one question.
“Will you marry me?”
Will you be my queen in chess?
Where she fights in a war to protect her king,
Always staying by king’s side forever(4),
Unwilling to marry anybody but her one true love?
This ring is a prove to my love to you,
Our heart and soul binds together,
Where we spend for all eternity.
This ring will be my voice to you:
“ (1), (2), (3), (4) ”