Hey there! I'll try to give as much feedback as I can after I read through your work for the second time. I already subscribed to it and I can't wait to see more after the first read. I'll edit this post once I'm done, but keep up the good work! \o/
And hours later after a very long sleep, I return! \o/
WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE NOVEL BELOW
You seem to have put a lot of thought into this novel especially with the talk of wars, city creation, and a long-standing battle between what Vera knows and what she doesn't know. I like how each of the characters has an individual voice and sometimes what they do is a little surprising. Your pacing was good, and each scene fluidly moved into the next with ease.
Now on the opposite side, there was more exposition than there was description. The information about the war and the city's creation and such were told to us rather than shown to us. Sometimes, it is easier to reveal things through character interaction rather than providing a stimuli then shooting into exposition.
An example would be:
"Oh," Ana flushed from the sudden focus of attention and tried to act as if it didn't bother her. She failed, but attempted to deflect the concern, "Not really. Just everything, you know." She smiled weakly, coughing to change the subject, "Is it a strange sort of hot here, to you?" She looked around, hoping to avoid further eye contact.
Indeed, the city was built into a giant crater said to have been there for millennia. Legend said that a war between gods had taken to the mortal realm, and a stone thrown by one had missed and struck the earth with such ferocity that the landscape was changed indelibly. Who won the fight, who threw the stone, and what resulted from the event is all variable depending on which regional church you attend.
While the part about Ana being hot is okay, it immediately goes into exposition explaining about the creation of the city along with a legend. It's like a break in the story and takes the reader, or at least me, out of the story for a moment and into a different headspace. Then when it's over, I'm pulled back into the story and the details are hard to keep up with in the way they were presented.
Also, sometimes it's okay not to say things directly and just describe them.
Suddenly, Vera's heart panged with sympathy. Even though her clothes were dirty and she had also gotten wet, she was far better off than this poor thing. She moved quickly to help her up, motioning for Ana to help her with the task. Sniffling, the girl wiped her eyes of tears and quietly thanked them for their help. The small crowd that had gathered to ensure that everything was okay had dispersed.
Show that Vera was feeling sympathy. Maybe her heart ached, she was frowning and looked troubled. She was noticing how sad and downtrodden the girl looked and was wracking her brain to find out what to do. The emotion is what makes it believable and would make Vera an even more developed character to see how she reacts internally and externally to these stressors.
That's all that I could point out for right now, but I do want to go back and tell you what I loved about this.
I loved the way that Ana responded to Vera's interest in Angel.
There is a tension there, I cannot figure what it is right now, but I think there are some things that were left unsaid.
Nonetheless, keep up the good work and I hope to see more soon.