Please give me feedback and advice on my "Hamster Rivals" story

[hamsterdude]

Wow, I thought I typed 1,976 words and was done for my first day of NaNoWriMo, but it turns out the program actually said I typed 1,976 characters, not words.. I still have a long way to go ^^;

Hamster Rivals :: A hamster on a cliff | Tapas

Please give me feedback and/or advice on my story as I write it!

I wasn't sure how to naturally introduce the hamster owner's name. I hate it when I read a story and the first time someone talks to someone, they mention their name. It always feels like its the author trying to let the reader know what the characters names are and it takes me out of the story and feels annoying to me.

So while other stories, it might have said:
"The hamster thought, "Hi Abu, my human owner who I never ever call by his first name ever but I'm incredibly awkwardly forcing myself to say Abu out loud just so that the readers know that my owner's name is Abu" or whatever, I just didn't do that. But I need to let the reader know that the hamster owner's name is Abu.

It's still a bit awkward that the owner randomly forgets about his hamster that he loves and cares about more than anything, and just completely forgets about him the next day and moves out without saying anything and he's never seen again ever in the story (until the "Human saga" way later, as a small cameo.) But I'm not sure if I should change that part of the story, its always been like that ever since I imagined this story fifteen years ago back in year 2002.

And I stopped where I did (besides because I thought I reached the first day's NaNoWriMo word count but ended up being horribly wrong) because now the second main character appears, the one that I've been begging for like a year on tumblr and other places for someone to please come up with a character design for him. But no one ever gave me a character design for him, and now I'm not sure what to call him or what he looks like. Also, after that the main character gets involved with a hamster clubhouse of like 16 different hamster characters, as I planned for years, but I have no character designs or names for any of the 16 extremely very important hamster characters that the first part of the story is about.

[joannekwan]

Firstly for your concern about the owner's name. You're writing prose in third person. It's perfectly fine to outright name the owner for the audience's sake. I actually find it more strange and awkward that Abu calls his hamster 'Martial Artist Hamster'. Does the hamster have a name?

It could easily go like this:

"Hey little hamster!" called a voice through the garden.
"Oh! Abu! He must want something!," thought the little hamster and he ran towards the familiar voice of his owner.

Secondly, yes, it is strange that Abu would forget about the hamster even though he cares for him. I recall you made a thread about the situation a while ago and a few people came up with suggestions. I know some of them did not work for you, but others seemed reasonable to explore.

Third, think of what roles each character is playing and how do you envision them in your head? Could be as simple as he looks like Naruto but without the whisker marks. As for the hamster character, I think 16 is a bit much. You say they're extremely important and yet they don't have designs nor names. Do they each have unique enough personalities to warrant keeping all of them? You could very well combine a few in to one or two characters and they will end up with more depth that way.

[hamsterdude]

Thanks.

Originally he was called "Martial Artist Ham" when I imagined this as Hamtaro fanfiction, but having "ham" in the name would sound too much like Hamtaro. So I went with "Martial Artist Hamster," instead.

The hamster's name is Abu and the human's name is also Abu.

I was worried since they both have the same name and it might be confusing, but then I decided a few years ago that very early in the story, after martial artist hamster finally beats the "Punk Hamsters" that are causing trouble, they ask him what his name is, and Martial Artist Hamster remembers his owner that's also a martial artist, and he calls himself "Abu" starting them, naming himself after his owner and his name becomes "Abu" for the rest of the series.

Yeah they did give some reasonable suggestions in the other thread of mine.

The 16 or so hamsters (not sure the exact amount) end up being split into two teams of "rivals" and they're against eachother. Until the end of "Rivals Saga Part A," where they learn that they must work together to fight the evil "Shadow Hamsters" (which is what the "Rivals Saga Part B" part of the story will be about.)

[hamsterdude]

I added a new section to the story ^-^ idk what to do though, I need character designs really badly.