Hey SadSnake!
I just finished giving your novel a good read, and I have to say that I enjoyed every second of it. I can really tell that you have a knack for story telling. It's probably been something you've enjoyed doing for a long time in one way or another. Your passion for story telling really comes across loud and clear here in this Novel.
As much as I did enjoy your story, I must criticize your proofreading a little bit. There are a few too many instances where a sentence is run-on, or one too many commas are added. As someone who often does the same thing, I have three phases for writing a chapter, and they're rather simple:
Brainstorm -
Having a clear idea of where you're going to end a chapter and the events that will occur throughout is essential to creating a good novel. As I said before, I can tell that you have a knack for story telling, but placing your story into writing is a bit more complicated than it sounds. It's important to make sure a chapter is fluid and comprehensible. That being said, I didn't see too many problems in this area of writing. I think your chapters were quite fluid and comprehensible. The real problems lie in the last step.
Drafting -
Generally, I write a chapter twice. Once, to get my general Ideas down on paper, and the second is to clean it up.
Proofreading -
This is, unfortunately, where I saw your novel really begin to suffer. It's tempting, when finishing a chapter, to move on immediately to the next. In all honesty, when you finish writing a chapter, only about half of the work has been done. Or at least that's how it used to be. Nowadays, we have programs like Grammarly or simply Microsoft Office that do proofreading for us! All we have to do is paste our novel into these programs and make simple changes. I think you could benefit a lot from using one of these programs.
Overall I'm going to give it a 6/10, because I really did enjoy the story you had to share. I'm sorry for the harsh criticism shown above. It doesn't actually portray my feelings about your writing, I actually did like the story a lot. Like I said though, don't skip the last step of proofreading. Keep up the passion to make good stories!
