Okay, so we ask Karen to take us to the nearest manager, we drink the emo tears (after desalinizing them, of course) and we send Florida man to deal with any wildlife we might encounter.
We eat the emo teenager first, after they die of dehydration, then the Florida man, after he inevitably meets a spectacular demise, and then it's just Karen and me... well, at least Karen will reach the town well-fed enough to complain.