@NickRowler I'm only half-serious about the clubbed thumbs. That was what famed Victorian palmist Cheiro maintained, but I like to think that the art has advanced a little since then. Clubbed thumbs may not necessarily indicate murderous tendencies. They could instead indicate heart disease.
. . .
@hotsubsandwich So this girl is about to marry a notorious bisexual. They make a great couple but the girl's mother is a little wary.
"Anna," she says. "I know you love him and everything, but if he ever asks you to turn over, well . . . just don't!"
"Okay Mama," the daughter says. And the wedding is a success, the honeymoon is lovely, and the first few months pass in wedded bliss.
"Does he . . . does ever ask you to turn over?" the mother asks one time. They're on the phone, the daughter is cooking spaghetti.
"Oh, no Mama," Anna says. "Everything is going just fine."
"Are . . . are you enjoying yourself?" the mother asks. And the daughter sighs over the phone line. "It couldn't be better," Anna says.
So a few days pass. Then, as the couple is going to bed, the husband rolls over and taps her on the shoulder. "Sweetheart, you want maybe to turn over tonight?"
And the girl is instantly in tears. "She warned me! She warned me about you. My mother warned me and I didn't listen!"
The man is confused.
"What's the matter? Don't you want to get pregnant?"