Great minds think alike!! I'm gonna do a thorough read through @hades' post as well cuz whenever I see them posting stuff here it's always super informative, love reading their stuff <3
I have definitely heard of elevator pitches but I haven't put much thought into mine--usually when I'm talking to people IRL about my comic who aren't really in the comic/art community, I usually just sum it up really simple and sweet--"80s inspired vampire murder mystery" haha! I don't think that loglines are necessarily the same as elevator pitches because when I think of elevator pitches, like... when you're trying to talk to someone who might not have time or interest enough to hear the longer/more technical logline, they allow you to kind of boil down the really unique or niche catching points. In my case, I'm lucky because 80s retrofuturism nostalgia/visuals is kind of popular right now so I'm able to toss that out and gather a little interest before even getting into the plot technicalities LOL But for other stories its all about finding that main draw or appeal that can be thrown into a conversation quickly to catch interest.
I think your logline works pretty well!! It gives a lot of information about what to expect from the characters and by putting the genre in your logline you paint a picture of potential visuals. Also, it just occured to me after your point about it being a mouthful that maybe formal loglines are more appropriate for writing/screenplay purposes or formal pitches (like in front of a committee) while the elevator pitch is better for on the spot conversations where you're trying to introduce your idea. Thanks for bringing this up, it made me think a little about my approaches in the future as well!
Also @ everyone else I got overwhelmed because lots of responses but I'M GLAD that I could make an informative post and I've been impressed with a lot of the loglines I'm reading!! Being able to pitch your concept quickly and in a way that can catch attention is an important skill as a creator so always be thinking about how you can improve in this area! <3