True words! Completely agree.
I can talk very openly and uninhibited in appropriate circumstances, like if:
- I have a particular topic to talk about, interesting to me for one reason or another;
- I feel safe, relaxed enough, don't feel pain, am not afraid or pissed off of anything in the current moment, am not ill and am not too stressed in the current moment;
- I can understand the interlocutor freely enough.
I'm really able to communicate well and feel well - especially if I really like an interlocutor and the conversation itself - under such a conditions.
But these network sessions are something completely opposite:
- I should either "get accustomed" with the neighbour (how exactly? I don't know what do they want from me, so I feel awkward and can't find a particular topic to talk about) or ask them completely dull and not interesting (for me) questions from the list. When I'm asked dull vague questions myself, I strain my brain greatly to understand, what they expect me to answer, because I really have no idea. And when I ask other people these questions, I can't concentrate on answers, because I'm extremely bored, so I eventually plunge into my own thoughts unintentionally and loose the meaning of conversation.
- I definitely feel stressed and not safe, if I'm thrown into an ocean of a lot of bright colours and a lot of people talking loudly in the same time and am required to think quickly and do something quickly. Have mercy on me! I barely can understand, what's going on around...
- Painful tries to extract one voice from a bunch of loud voices is one of the fastest ways to overwhelm my brain completely and knock me out. How am I supposed to understand interlocutor and NOT be stressed, when my brain have to make such a hard, painful work constantly?
These are definitely not a conditions for my socialization!
Today is much, much better - I'm just sitting with my working computer either almost in silence or surrounded by quiet sounds and hear only zero, one or (very rarely) two not loud voices simultaneously. I'm tuning the computer, filling the papers, looking into repositories, going through tutorials and read documentation without any hurry. Sometimes I'm talking about work and asking my colleagues questions - not quickly and not loudly, but in the comfortable and understandable way. Just a normal working process, nothing too stressful.
So now I'm completely ok.