What am i drawing for?...(Huge self-doubt warning)

[Klaustasya]

First of all i'd like to apologize for the big spam of new topics i opened here on Tapas only in the past few days, i just have a bunch of questions and unrsolved complex i can't find a proper answer myself for now, so i'm sorry if i keep on relying too much on the community, but to be honest i don't have many people in real life who would probably understand me on this topics, so let me vent a little here and then i'll put my heart at piece ^^"

Recently i've been thinking that i don't know anymore if i want to be a comic artist or work in the art field in general. most of you could say "What the problem then? you can persue any other career that you find fitting for yourself, don't stress too much about it!"
But i DO really like drawing in general! I've been doing it as an hobby for my whole life because i don't like any other work field out there beside art, so suddenly leaving this path would be quite shocking for me...i don't know but i don't wanna totally forget about art or only tone it down to the hobby level again.

When i was 14 i used to draw for only myself: i drew comics of my everyday life, exoress my emotions into the paper and also writing fanfictions as well and video editing...i was quite a creative and i enjoyed that time just so muchh!! art in general was my great passion, for sure!

But i feel like after discovering the power of social medias like Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and found out that i could make my art visibile to the others and earn recognition from them became like a fatal drug.

I'm so obsessed now with self-promoting (till the point where i'm low-key stressing myself) and posting stuff everyday on instagram just to reach 1000 followers before the end of this year and i feel so hopeless about it! I'm in a position where every cartoon/manga/anime or tv show i watch doesn't give me the same feels or the motivation to genuinely drawing fanart about the anymore, and it feels like i'm only drawing and posting stuff just because i want to be like the bigger artists on social: FAMOUS.

It seems like i've been sucked up into this endless run towards becoming a FAMOUS artist, or a FAMOUS comic artist or a FAMOUS illustrator, but i'm mostly into becoming famous rather than drawing what i like!!! (Which i don't even recall, and this is so disturbing!) and improve my art?! Like...i just lost sight of what was truly important, right?

I don't guys, i feel so lost and sad right now, because i feel apathic towards the most existing fandoms right now, so i don't feel motivated or inspired to draw something for myself about those (well, you could say "It's fine, don't force yourself) and i'm just highly addicted to social media's popularity, till the point where i transformed my art into a sort of tool to gain that??! What am i drawing for then, now?

I'm so upset about this now and i can't stop crying because all this i thought art was career path because i really enjoyed it by the core, but i became aware that if nobody could see my stuff or wouldn't be appreciated at all, i woull probably lose ALL my motivation for drawing anything!! And i'm so broken and confused and upset because i still love doing art and don't want to give up on it or simply consider it as an hobby from now on......

Maybe the best thing i could do, would be trying to detoxify myself from the social media drugs, first? I need advices on this and comfort, Please don't tell me that i should give up about art, because i don't want to do that! I think i'm still determined about it, i'm just scared that i'm more motivated from the "becoming famous" thing rather than the pleasure of drawing itself....i need emotional help right now,

[frixelkind]

I'm sorry to hear about that! But I'll let you know that you're definitely not the only one who's experienced that. So, I think you should start by taking a deep breath and taking a break from social media for a while. You don't have to delete your account or anything, but maybe uninstall it from your phone or so for the time being. If you're still feeling stressed, maybe just take a break from art. Nothing major, just give yourself a day or two to be without social media or art. Focus on some other hobbies, and when you feel like you've regained your composure, then I want you to think about what you drew when you were still a kid. Back when you only drew for yourself. Make a list of the things that you loved drawing or doing. Was it a tv show? A video game? Immerse yourself in that media. Watch an old cartoon you used to love, make yourself a snack from your childhood, try and get into the headspace of being a kid again, and then try drawing, but tell yourself that you're absolutely NOT going to post it online. So there's no pressure for it to be perfect, or impressive. Make it weird! Intense! Experimental! Let your inhibitions go and try to draw instinctively rather than with a solid goal for a finished piece. Keep a notebook of silly doodles that are for your eyes only! But most importantly, never give up! It's completely normal to get caught up in getting recognized or famous, so don't feel guilty about that. But hopefully, taking a step back from everything like this can help you get back on track. Best of luck! And never stop drawing!

[ar-ninetysix]

To answer this super bluntly, I think you're burnt out on drawing art and using social media.

Should you give up on art as your career? Of course not! I think you just need a break from art and social media. Clear your head space for a bit. And while, yeah, doing anything in a creative field such as music or art or film is a great ambition, you have to be aware of the issues that a person could potentially face in that. The biggest one (in my opinion) being the burnout that can result from it.

Putting your art out there isn't bad. Wanting an audience isn't bad. Hell, the fact that you can recognize that there's an issue, that's a big first step towards getting back on the right track.

There's only so much exposure to the things you love that you can handle! You have know when to take a break, and that's not so bad either! Matter of fact, it's necessary at times! You won't be betraying your love for art or anything by taking a break, I promise you that. You'll be able to come back full of inspiration and a reinvented passion for the medium. Before you know it, you'll be back to drawing.

The thing is though, you have to come back wanting to do art for yourself, not for anyone else. It gets complicated when you overthink about how to best please others with your own creations, but you should never forget why you started in the first place. You did this for yourself when you started, not for fame or money or validation or whatever. Just try your best to go back to keeping your reason for drawing as simple as just loving art, you know?

[shazzbaa]

This is a super normal thing to be feeling! This doesn't make you a bad artist, it doesn't mean you've ruined anything. A lot of creators go through this!

For the short term, I really do agree with the others. Stop posting your work, and maybe aside your art entirely for a little bit. I think it's easy to get sucked into the mindset that you can never stop creating OR ELSE, but you can stop and rest, and sometimes you have to. The Oatmeal has a metaphor I like that compared creating to breathing --

"When you make stuff, you're exhaling. But you can't exhale forever. Eventually you have to breathe in. Or you'll be dead."

"Breathing in" is doing other things, things that refresh you, things that are fun, or things that teach you something new. And it can be however long you need, or however long is doable for you. Maybe a few days or a week is the longest you can step away before you're itching to draw again. Maybe you need a whole month to do other things, to give yourself time to Breathe In and remember that the world doesn't end if you're not constantly creating. This isn't giving up on art -- this is refuelling yourself and recharging yourself so that you're better able to create.

And I promise, it will be okay if you do this. I ended up having to take a 2 year hiatus from my comic once due to family issues, and while that sounds like it would murder me professionally... it was actually one of the best things I did for myself, and I'm really glad I did it. A lot of people were still there and happy to see my work when I came back, and I felt so much more confident and excited about the work I was making.

--

While it's important for the desire to create to come from inside you, I think it's okay to create art for other people. I think it's okay to share things because you feel good when others respond to them, and I think it's okay to be a lil bummed out if you share things that don't get much response. Taking some time to make art that you don't share with anyone is a good way to remember what you personally enjoy, but I don't think it's a corruption of your creative spirit to also make things that you're excited to share.

I think it becomes a problem when you feel like you can't stop or else you've somehow failed. You have to know that it's okay if it takes 5 years to get to 1000 followers. It's okay if you have to step away and not update for a while and you lose a few subscribers. Most comic creators estimate that it takes about 10 years of creating content before you get close to Making It. Becoming a well-known artist with lots of followers isn't something you can do in a year-long sprint of self-promotion... it takes a long time, and so you have to pace yourself and take breaks sometimes.

And I will mention, just from my own experience...... I think it's okay if you can't become a kid again. My motivation in creating right now is very different from when I was 15. Looking back at how I was then and trying to somehow will myself to be like that again ended up being kind of a trap, something that made me feel like I'd lost a necessary ingredient to being an artist. But what I discovered is that I can still have the same level of enthusiasm, but it doesn't come from the same place. I have to move towards new things that excite me, rather than trying to force myself to be excited about the things I used to be.

[alliascompany]

Might be a good idea to step back and take a break. Try to get your mind off art. Maybe go through a while without posting anything. Or even a day avoiding social media. (Don't be too hard on yourself if you can't)

Just relax and hopefully inspiration hits again when you least expect it.

[hjfsdh2222]

Let me just say this. This is part of why I am not going into an art career. So many artists I meet are so sad.

Just be practical. What does instagram fame matter? It doesn't even make you money. It just makes little numbers go up and down and occassionally poops out a dumb flavorless comment. It really is an impractical thing to spend time on unless you are just promoting something else (which is why 90% of artists are there, not to promote their social media, but to try to get contacts and work).
Is it nice to be told your stuff is good? yes. Does it suck to not have your talent recognized? of course, but that doesn't stop a successful artist from getting up the next morning and doing it all over again. The joy is in the process. 90% of what I draw (even my best stuff) I don't take a second look at after i finish. I even just give it to friends for free.

But let me say one thing. Art has always been about beauty, the raw pleasurable essence of beauty. When someone makes art, and really makes art, they are able to experience beauty fully. Focus on that. The romantic aspect of art.

Become absorbed in something. Try to find beauty in something obscure, something you have never been interested before. Find a famous artist whose art you don't like and find something you like about it. Try something new.

[lartianmartian1]

You just treat yourself to a vacation from the social medias, my dear. The social medias need folks like you and the rest of us to exist. You don't need them. Your talent transcends all that. If you were obsessed with solely becoming famous you would've tried other, easier stuff by now, surely. You obviously love drawing very much, no wonder you're so stressed out about it! xD You can afford to step back for a while, you deserve a break. Take care now.

[BTS]

in my own opinion, some people grow up and get bored, and will unfollow due to having so much stuff to do in real life or they could just one day get bored of seeing your art and would rather look at something else.

Or the artist can just one day go screw it, I've got better things to do.

I'm probably not much help, but I think I'm older than a lot of people here so I'm lazy tired and can't be bothered, plus working 9 hours a day, makes me go f**k everything. I follow so much artist and I don't know who's art is who's and I don't really give a damn.

[lunaartemisasama]

I think you need to focus and just write what your objectives are as an artist.
Watch some artists that you admire and how they made it. And just try.

I mean being famous in social media is cool and a good plus, but maybe you will meet more contacts if you go to a comic con with a good portfolio (I don't know so much how that works, tbh).

I know lots of interesting artists that are not so popular in social media but they are able to live from their work and some even show some artworks in local galleries and sell their stuff in local cons or libraries.

Just remember that there are different paths, just discover the best one for you and remember to always enjoy the route.

[SleepingPoppy]

You’re way over valuing internet fame, you’re over thinking other people’s opinions, and you’re psyching yourself out!

Look, you can pursue comics as a career, but you’re almost definitely going to work other jobs to support yourself. Maybe you’ll be a graphic designer. Maybe you’ll be a waitress. You gotta pay the bills. But that doesn’t mean any choice you make right now will define 100% of the rest of your life.

Unplug from social media (I don’t even have an Instagram), step back from combing the forums (because you let it trip you up), focus on your comic for a little while.

Regardless, I hope you catch your breath and feel better soon. If you are in college, don’t be afraid to talk to an art teacher about career paths, or counselor/therapists that might be able to help you! ((It doesn’t matter if you feel the problem is small, it is 100% okay to go, alway, always, always, big or small))

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I kinda wrote about this issue a few months ago in my DeviantArt journal, which I'm going to quote, but before I do that I'd like to try and say something helpful in real-time.

I felt a little like that, too, once. Earlier this year. I felt like I was spending so much time chasing after fame that none of it was fun anymore. But, y'know, I can't stop. I could never go back to just drawing for myself, not this late in the game. But hey, that's okay. The first thing you gotta accept is that it's OKAY that you're not only drawing for you. It doesn't make you a soulless artist or selfish or anything. It's fine.

After you got that, you gotta find a balance. If you haven't become famous overnight yet, it's probably not gonna happen anytime soon. So don't pressure yourself. Slow down your schedule, take a break altogether if you have to. Getting famous takes time, so there's no reason to go at it 24/7.

The point is to let yourself enjoy the work. Even if you can't bring yourself to do anything but fan art for others, at the very least you should enjoy it. And that starts with giving yourself enough "you" time so that you don't feel like a popularity slave. Binge a Netflix show, buy a new video game, start an exercise regimen. Do something non-art-related for a change, and once you're all rested up and the motivation comes back, you can return to battle. Hopefully, once you're having fun again, you may find your own artistic desires creeping back into the picture.

And here's my quote: "One last thought before I go: I'm thankful to everyone who's encouraged me to do art for myself, no matter what anyone else says. It is an important thing to remember...but, in all honesty, that isn't me. Since I was a little kid, I've always been AMBITIOUS. I want to do art for me, but I want to do it for everyone else, too. I want to share my talents with the world. That's my dream.

And I think visual artists should be encouraged to dream big more often. No one ever tells contestants on American Idol that they should be content to just go back home and sing in the shower. Budding actors and actresses are encouraged to go out and get tons of credits under their belts, not to resign themselves to doing celebrity impersonations at family reunions.

Performance artists are usually told to reach for the stars no matter how tough it gets, while visual artists are usually told that "fame isn't everything" and that they should be grateful that they have talent at all. It's an unfair double standard, if you ask me. Just because we rarely have our names up in lights doesn't mean we have nothing to offer to the general public. The entertainment industry needs us just as much as it needs everyone else.

That being said, it's totally okay if you enjoy doing art just for you. Congrats; your life will be a lot less stressful! I just think people who enjoy doing art for others should have their struggles acknowledged as bumps in the road to success, not 'defects in their artistic soul' or something similar. Some of us want more than just to look at our own pictures, and we shouldn't have to apologize for that."

[joannekwan]

Firstly, I agree with others above in that you ought to take a break from social media and detox a little. Keep your accounts, but just go on hiatus for a little bit.
First.5: Create for yourself first and foremost, don't do stuff just to get famous. Most famous people only get famous because they are passionate about the work they do. And if you do become famous for shallow work you aren't invested in, then you are bound to burn out faster and feel even MORE overwhelmed.

Secondly, sometimes when you do get on an art career path, it can burn you out as well. If you land a job in a creative field, be it graphic design, editorial illustration, etc., you are bound to receive assignments you will be less than thrilled about. A job is a job after all. So going back to what I said before, it's important to create things you want to create! Have your personal side projects get you through the day.

My friend had been a graphic designer for over 20 years until he was laid off, but he'd been drawing personal work on the side that he's really proud of. Now he has a different job totally unrelated to art, and is pursuing freelance illustration work on the side, he's never been happier or more excited about art!

So my point is, don't feel pressured to pursue something because other people have success in it, and because you like art you should get an art job. Find your own path, choose the happiest path that you can.

[Klaustasya]

Thank you so much, this answer really made my worries toned down, and i'm glad to know that i'm not the only who who mostly do art for others rather than myself (i still enjoy the process anyway). So thank you again

[Wumbl]

I think there's nothing wrong with having that little desire in the back of your mind to be recognised for your work - humans naturally crave attention and validation and love. It's just that we've been taught to be ashamed of wanting that because... dang I literally don't know.
People who are just looking to put themselves out there in the world often get labelled as "attention seekers" or "celebrity wh*res" or whatever. Sure some people want fame a bit too much, but wanting it somewhat is normal for a creator! You just want others to love your work and get something out of it. That's not a selfish or bad thing.

It's perfectly normal to feel frustrated sometimes if your work isn't recognised. So long as you don't lash out at anyone or act childish about it you're not being dishonest or a "bad artist" if you want people to see your stuff. Just take a break from social media once in a while so that you don't get too obsessed.

I find that there are ways of doing both - doing what you love while also making stuff others will like. I find that making fan OCs for existing fandoms is both fun and rewarding, and making content about them. Your audience get to see both fanart and original work at once. It's only one example, but just work on finding a balance between the two!

So long as you draw what you love there's no shame in sometimes drawing things that you know others will like. Just take time for yourself as well. Practice self care and all that good stuff.

[fleohr]

I think I had almost the same feeling when I started an instagram for my art, I remember me getting anxious everytime I uploaded something there, expecting lots of likes, comments, followers... What I did to not stress out with social media was taking a break of it, and I don't say something like a day or so, I mean over a month.

And I don't post there consistently, just three times per month or so

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I'm really glad I could help~

[Shanny8]

The MAIN reason you should want to draw is...that you love drawing comics and you want to do it. Any other reasons NOT motivated by those will destroy you; it's like working a job just for the money- and not because you have some sort of invested interest in it as well.

Just focus on making your comic be the best that you want it to be. Readers will sense your passion for your comic and take a peek into "what makes this creator so passionate about this comic"?

You also have to learn to tune out social media so that you can focus on working on your comic when you need to. Once it's finished, yeah go out and beat that drum for people to read and enjoy your work...but be patient; remember that this isnt going to happen in an instant- it takes time to grow an audience, so dont be discouraged if it isnt happening at the rate/speed that you imagined or the rate/speed that "so-n-so's" audience grows/grew at.

If you have views/subs- be happy; these are people who have decided to give your comic a chance- and if you see the same faces return with each update, then they've decided that your comic is something they want to invest their time into. Thank them every chance you get- also encourage them to spread the word about your comic in an attempt to gain new readers; nothing helps a comic grow like the power of "word of mouth".