I don't know what the first real food I learned to cook was. Probably some kind of egg dish. But I do remember the first..uh... recipe? My sister and I invented? It was a "cake." Simple recipe really, anyone can do it:
1 stack of 2-3 english muffins
1 large glob of berry jam
Too much maple syrup
Instructions: Stack muffins, apply glob and syrup, microwave just long enough to melt the glob into a sickly pool that should scald the mouth.
This meal is complimented appropriately by lukewarm water with a spoonful of coffee grounds stirred in.
We were very, very young and just trying to make a nice breakfast for mom. She did us the honor of having exactly 1 bite and she still remembers the horror of it to this day. I don't think she touched the coffee.