Why Do Writer Keep Falling Into This Trap?

@DokiDokiTsuna Doki Doki Tsuna
Sun, 15 Nov 2020 19:34:36 +0000

@DokiDokiTsuna wrote:

HGohwell:

In Symphogear fandom, we call this The Failed Tomato Metaphor after an infamous episode where "tomatoes that grow in the toughest conditions are the sweetest" concept.

;_; I actually really liked the tomato metaphor...

And I didn't see it as 'failed' or think of it in that twisted way because...well, the tomato thing was kind of the most subtle message in there. ^^;
They practically went out of their way to say 'the unimaginable torture and pain and mental anguish we experienced due to our mother figure's actions (that led to one of us dying) was okay, actually, because she was trying to protect us and make us strong', and compared to that the tomato metaphor seemed rather innocent. 6_6;

HGohwell:

So why do so many episodes with a good message at heart turn out this way? Why do so many creators fall into this pit fall? I don't believe it's just too difficult a subject to cover, that feels like an excuse, but then why do so many experienced writers struggle with this? Any thoughts?

I think it stems from a widespread societal problem: people don't know how to deal with sadness and pain. They just don't, and they're never taught how.

A friend is sobbing on your shoulder? "Aw, don't cry." Someone is having a hard time with work or family? "Chin up, don't let it get to you; stay positive."
Like, these things sound kind and comforting because we're socialized to see them that way, but if you examine them literally they're just rejections of the other person's feelings. "You're upset? DON'T be." That's all we know. ^^;

This is why 'false positivity' and its fellow toxic mindsets are so prevalent and easy to fall into; even when the sadness and pain is chronic, systemic, or otherwise debilitating, all we know how to do is try to put a positive spin on it. The idea of understanding pain and allowing it to exist while focusing on the root of the problem is something people usually learn very late in life, if they ever learn it at all.

Naturally, this extends to stories about abuse...have a character feel horrible about what happened, and allow those feelings to be accepted and remain even after they get to a better place in their life? No way! It has to be ALL positive; good feelings only; people who are 'okay' don't feel sad about things!

So we end up with these twisted conclusions like "my abuse made me stronger", or "in a way, I'm grateful for the abuse", or even "THANK YOU, abuser: if you hadn't treated me so horribly, I wouldn't be the person I am today."

And from the sidelines it's easy to go "...Did you read that back to yourself before you published that? Do you not see how that sounds??"
But if you think about it in the context of a society that only understands happy=good, sad=bad, it makes sense. Despite how messed up it is, and how subtly it glorifies abusive behavior/situations, it's not that surprising.

This is why one of my favorite quotes from somewhere in Tumblr goes something like "my abuse didn't make me stronger; I made MYSELF stronger".
I'm butchering it; it sounds better than that, but the point is that you should attribute your personal growth to your own actions, not to whatever environment you were forced to grow up in, and certainly not to the people who made that environment harmful to you. Abuse IS harm, not a milestone...if you feel the need to thank someone for it, even indirectly, you should consider what the implications are.