Hi! I actually read quite a bit of your story in the last camp, but I of course re-read the first few chapters to refresh myself!
- So, I think the pacing for the first four chapters that I read is pretty smooth; I think the story is really well organized, and that your battle sequences are really well done and easy to picture. I really love the line in the first chapter where Julius' boat plows through the splinters of Ryo's--it left a really clear picture in my head as did the whole sequence. As I said, the story is really well organized and each chapter follows the next really naturally. However, I think the biggest problem with the pacing is in chapter two. I think the pacing here was a little too fast when you needed to slow down a bit.
For example, Ryo and Axel just met, and they're exploring the town together and learning things about each other and the town, but the ensuing battle sequence comes up a little too fast, I think, because we have hardly gotten to know the characters. I think, just as a suggestion, a good idea would be to spend two, or maybe even three more chapters, just exploring the characters of Axel and Ryo before that ensuing battle sequence so that we really care about what happens to them and the town during the battle sequence.
I think a really good opportunity to expand on Axel would have been the small dinner party the townspeople throw for Ryo's arrival. I think you went over it a little too fast when it would have been a good idea to slow down a bit and have some dialogue between the characters where we learn about them--what their personalities and wants are, etc. Other than that, I really liked your chapter afterward which switched perspectives to Rufus' perspective; I always find it really refreshing to see chapters take place from the villain's point of view.
I think they serve as a delightful break from the story and they are very well written! I also refreshed myself of the first memory log so I could answer your question here! The background info we get on Ryo in this chapter is really great! One thing I think you can consider is moving the memory log to be the second chapter so we get that information on Ryo right off, but it's up to you~!
Personally, I did want to know what would happen next and I think there was enough anticipation. The reason why it built up enough anticipation for me is because you have an interesting concept and some really well done battling sequences and the setup for some interesting character interactions! I think with enough fine tuning and expanding a bit more on the characters, the story will really shine! Great work~!
On a side note, Merry Christmas Eve everybody! XD