Writing an Aromantic Character

[CleverGoat]

Hi, I wondered if anybody could provide some advice and insight on writing an aromatic character. I have done some research but would like to hear from others. I plan to write an upcoming chapter where my main character, who is under the asexual spectrum like myself, has a conversation with one of her friends who identify as an aromantic lesbian after my mc was asked a question that made her uncomfortable.

If it is helpful, I could tell you about the character. Anais Lemaire is a senior in college majoring in political science and minoring in environmental studies and is dreaming of becoming an environmental lawyer. She tends to compromise in the face of confrontation but argues a lot with another character. Her favorite past-time is playing with her cat.

[fsarbolaez]

This might be of some help:

Sexual vs. Romantic Attraction: What’s the Difference?

[silverraven0]

I think providing a little bit of what kinda Convo the two friends will be having will help. What kinda uncomfortable thing are they talking about? I labeled myself as aromantic demisexual but as I'm awful at explaining my own self, i might not even be helpful at all lol.

[CleverGoat]

That's okay. I have trouble explaining myself as well.

I hope this makes sense. In a chapter before the chapter; the group of friends is video-chatting about some things, and somehow the topic ends up on sex and sexual experiences. My mc doesn't really relate to the conversation but doesn't mind listening to her friends talk about it. However, one of them asks the mc "What about you?". This catches her off guard and she kinda runs away from the conversation. After some time my mc end up talking with Anais who took notice of the mc's uncomfortable state. She is unsure of how to approach the mc shows she decides to share how she is aromantic. I was thinking about how they could end up talking about their own frustrations.

I am planning to write individual stories from each of the characters I introduced in the future so I would write more in depth then.

[silverraven0]

So, i doubt they'll be talking about any heavy stuff if it just happens to came up, in my guess they're just talking and teasing each other right? As you mc divert the Convo to something else, anaise notices but kept quiet, while the other girl i assume don't realize and just go with the distracted Convo or something. The run away part i assume mc just divert not leaving the video chat?

Now the setting is where will the follow up Convo with only mc and Anais happen? If it's straight out in the video call but the third girl gone early, Anais can sorta try to ask and dig a bit, but if it has gone sometimes after that, in a sense i honestly think it will be harder for the continuation of the Convo to happen if there's no other trigger that make Anais confront mc about it. I mean, don't you think it would be kinda awkward if Anais just sorta straight out ask mc about her being uncomfortable talking about sex and romance (?) out of the blue?

So if you would like to follow with the conversation with video caht, the two of them can talk a bit about some random thing before Anais tried to ask what or why is mc being uncomfortable with the talk about sex and romance. Mc might be very uncomfortable, but as i assume they're good friend with each other, she will open up a little about how she doesn't feel anything like romance or sexual interest with others. It doesn't need to be direct, maybe jest her saying that "they weirded me out" or "i can't relate to it", in which Anais can come in with how she also felt like that once and being unsure of her own self in the past, and opening up about her being an aromantic and such. And then they talk about their frustration like you said? (What kinda frustration tho?)

I'm just gonna say that i don't know much about your mc and Anais, so it is just how stuff played out in my head, so just take this as a suggestion with a pinch of salt. A talk like this can be very delicate depending on their situation, as the "i don't feel love, and this should be wrong" might be something that your characters experienced, and maybe mc did and hasn't really came to terms with it (another assumption because teh way shes running away from the convo like you said), so just take it slow.

I mean, i read tons of romace book (and wtote about it too) but i don't feel a thing for other humans. I do love my fictional characters but humans is something else, but it's different with every person so might need some more questioning with other aromantic you could find.

If you decided that mc wouldn't be ready to talk to Anais in the video chat, you can make another setting where the two talk about it more on depth while they're facing each other or something.

I can't say i expresses what i meant clearly but i hope you get the gist of it? XD

[CleverGoat]

Thanks, for the help. I am still not quite sure how I will write it out. I already know how the Mc will divert the conversation, but I am trying not to spoil that part. I don't have the setting fully developed yet but I was planning for the conversation between the mc and Anais to happen not on video chat but like one or two days later when they happen to run into each other on campus and eventually build up to that topic. Frustration was probably not the right word but more like how they don't relate or caused them to feel like an outsider in the past.

[zeitybitey]

I understand where you're coming from, being an asexual myself!
I think if you could imagine 'reversing' the discomfort of asexuality - it may be a bit easier to write out. We asexuals mostly don't crave the 'intimacy' people seek, whereas aromantics don't necessarily seek that romantic attachment in relationships! (though, I may be generalising it by saying it so simply).

So I guess if one of the 'friends' bring up about their joys of recently entering a relationship and then proceed to ask about her wanting to be in a specifically romantic relationship with a woman - moreso, when she expects it, I think that'd be an understandable situation to make her uncomfortable.

I think one small thing to note as well, is the frustration of others not understanding the ace spectrum since we only make a small portion of the sexuality spectrum. Especially since she identifies as an aromatic lesbian, this may be confusing to her friends, on top of not really understanding the lack of 'attraction' part in a romantic relationship.

I'd try to be a bit more subtle or delicate when writing this if you're not too confident about characterising this sort of character! Good luck!

[CleverGoat]

Thanks, I never thought about "reversing" I think it would help a lot.

[system]

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