Balancing friendship with attraction and 'butterflies' when writing romances (sfw)

Leyelle 2024-03-10 12:32:02 UTC #1

So obviously most romances should have an element of actually finding your other half attractive. While it can do without, it's not likely to be very enjoyable if this isn't the case. But you can't do without a proper friendship, as relationships, even when between two people who treat each other with kindness and respect, that are based solely on attraction aren't very likely to last and can easily go down hill quickly.

That said, how do you tend to balance the elements of your character's loving each other as people and forming an emotional connection with the all the "feels and butterflies."

My leads in "Damsel in the Red Dress" have been friends for over a decade before starting a relationship was even discussed, so the element of friendship and love through each other's hardest times was already well established. With my new series "Hushabye Prince" I'm working from a different perspective where the relationship is established in mutual interest first, and then an emotional understanding of each other is gradually formed. I think both ways can work, but this one definitely tends to move a lot faster, and thus, hit some bumps in the road pretty hard, when unforeseen personality and lifestyle clashes come into play.

Clashes like these are already well known by Kattar and Alicia so they are much less likely to become anything big, and are a little easier for them to deal with since they already have some understanding (despite how much Alicia realizes she DOESN'T know about Kattar) of how each other tic.

skidiggy 2024-03-10 13:12:38 UTC #2

Either way can make for excellent reading. I'm big on slow-burn type romances with initial interest/attraction and having foundational trust built before launching into anything physical, but personal preferences vary. I totally agree that mutual interest moves faster; I'm 70+ chapters deep into Apparent Secrets, and the male leads are so close to making their respective moves, after developing a fondness first. It's slow going, but hopefully believable and relatable.

Leyelle 2024-03-10 13:16:55 UTC #3

Looks like you and I are on the same page then. I personally think a foundation of trust needs to be built before the relationship moves very far. And most of my leads agree for their own reasons. I think only one of them doesn't see it in this light, which, if the story is able to go that far, I'd like to show from that person's perspective.

Can you guess which one?

lignorice 2024-03-10 13:21:26 UTC #4

As real life can be assessed case by case, so do the couples in writing.

I agree with @skidiggy that either way works.

Personally, in my stories, my characters mostly 'attracted then friendship'. But, I also have a few couple that slowburns from friendship into attraction. In the end, it's all about them and they have developed mutual trust toward each other before they establish their intention to move the relationship forward (in romantic context).

Leyelle 2024-03-10 13:29:39 UTC #5

I agree, i've written in both orders now

Leyelle 2024-03-31 12:17:11 UTC #6

I would venture to say that a couple that has already been friends for a while is more likely to hit lots of little bumps in the road, because they are already past the initial stages of getting to know each other and are closer to the core, where real issues are visible, while it's so much easier to not see people for who they are for quite some time when your relationship just started, especially when you're still starry eyed.

That's not to say my friends to lovers leads aren't starry eyed, but they can see the darkness between the stars too

Leyelle 2024-04-15 16:04:00 UTC #7

The chaos is escalating again with Kattar and Alicia - now they're getting closer to being a real couple - but not official - so the balance for where their relationship stands is a little weird. they're still best friends, but the fact that they are now best friends that are almost a couple, but not quite is causing some stress and over-lying anger/tension that leaks into (okay drowns) the friendship. They are fighting very hard to keep their heads above water though.

His eye is wandering over all four corners of this little LED-lit world, and for the umpteenth time, I shock myself as my mouth says faster than my brain-

“For heaven’s sake, what on earth are you looking at?”

He glances to the side like he’s pointing at the next table over with his daggers for eyes. “I think the other patrons are staring at me.”

I scoff and he looks quickly in my direction.

So now he pays attention.

I blow a gasket.

“Oh, big surprise. They’re staring. Did the prince just forget how hot he was for a second? I’m sure it’s such a pain. Too bad you left your paper bag mask at home next to the fan mail, and I’m not in the mood to fetch it for you right now. So if you could just try to think about something other than yourself for 0.2 seconds, we’re supposed to be on a date right now. Do you think you can do that for me? Do you think?”

Ho-

He stares at me dumbfounded - dazed. I read that identical expression in his eyes, more shocked and bewildered than it can be angry or even upset-

I see the night before his mother’s party - him weeping over the table and I want to take it back, cover my mouth, start to apologize, as my words finally seem to register with him and he turns from that colorless mask to a burgundy flush…

Leyelle 2024-05-07 23:33:29 UTC #8

Here I go jinxing myself by trying to write a more whirl-wind type romance for a competition...

I'm kidding lol. But I do usually stick to slow burn, but with the story I'm working on now, the male lead sort of challenges the female lead into giving him a chance, so their relationship is immediately a lot more romance focused than the romance novels (read: only one, XD) that I've written so far.

Since I only have one released so far might as well switch it up so I don't get pigeon-holed right?

I will say that this story has seen me having to make a much more active decision to figure out why they like each other than "Damsel in the Red Dress" did, because Kattar and Alicia's long standing romance spawned affection from lots of different scenarios, while this couple does not have that advantage.

Leyelle 2024-05-23 16:36:08 UTC #9

The irony of this is that after starting this thread I now have my story "Rigamarole" where one of her crushes is entirely founded in friendship and the other in butterflies. The conflict is real, but she honestly would rather just be in love with her friend, but she can't ignore the butterflies

Leyelle 2024-06-05 21:11:31 UTC #10

My male lead does not balance this well in the beginning and it's going to knock him off his feet when he runs into the rebound. He was so eager to try to date Essence that he was not at all deterred by how little he knew about her. But to be fair, she strays far outside what most people would expect, even from a stranger.