@mariusthered: This is a bit longer and not directly linked to the thread, so let me put it behind a spoiler:
Clarification
Since I know exactly what thread you are referring to: please believe me when I say that it was a simple misunderstanding, and you were NOT insulted by @DokiDokiTsuna (in fact, you were merely told that not agreeing with anyone doesn't mean that your freedom of speech is taken from you). I feel like a part of you is twisting the situation now, maybe even as a defensive mechanism?, because you misunderstood quite a great deal there. I didn't even understand why you deleted your post, which was at no point asked of you.
To reiterate: I thought your post attacked a woman you tried to help in the past, that was MY misunderstanding. You thought that "please don't say such harmful things" means the same as "your opinion is not wanted here", which is YOUR misunderstanding. We simply were both too blunt and riled each other up a bit, which can happen when people hit each other's sore points. That was it, don't take it to heart, and do try not to make a general rule out of it. You'll only trap yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy about people suddenly singling you out.
You know, I've been there, and it took me years to accept that a blunt comment didn't mean that the person in question attacked me. Don't make interactions here harder on yourself with that mindset, ok? People are not out to harm you. I understand the initial frustration, but making a big deal out of the situation like that is doing a disservice to everyone involved. Especially yourself, since you seem to trap yourself in the thought process that people have it out for you. They don't.
I also invite you to write me a DM if you still have reservations about that little misunderstanding. Believe an extended hand when it's offered to you. đ»
Uh. Yeah! That is me offering honest "criticism", if we want to return to the topic at hand.
I know what you mean, and I'm not autistic (that I knew of xD), so I don't think that you're alone in this!
I tend to come across too blunt because I am led by my emotions. I think it's incredibly toxic to use "brutal honesty" as an excuse, as @SleepingPoppy mentioned here, but that doesn't mean that my words don't sometimes hurt someone because they see something in them that reminds them of that toxic mindset.
People who know me also know that I am the last person to go around and put another down intentionally. It's not my style, never was. If anything, I tend to fight for people who I think are in any way disadvantaged or misunderstood. But that invites my emotional response, resulting in bluntness and people misunderstanding my intentions, especially when they've made bad experiences in the past with the WAY my thoughts may sound.
I get that, and I think we all have our weak points where we either are becoming too emotional or aggravated because of something in our past. Having lived through some incredibly abusive tactics myself, I am still unlearning a lot of my responses myselfâeven in criticizing people. "Don't be too blunt," I tell myself. "Don't sugarcoat, but the compliment sandwich is the best way to go" etc.
Which it is, I truly believe that. What better way to help someone than starting with a nice statement and ending with one? The critique in the middle might still sting, but the person in question is invited to feel valued by you. You wouldn't take the time to criticize them if you didn't care, after all.
Of course, that doesn't mean it should be the critic's responsibility to put the other person's feelings on their own shoulders. We're not made for that. But we can try to be more considerate towards each other, even when we might feel hurt.
tldr; A critique should never be aimed at hurting another person. If it still does after a lot of consideration how you could put your thoughts into words, it falls in the receiver's hand to sort out what they will do with the opinion offered to them, I think. (Which is also something I'm still learning, but that's the fun in life, the learning never stops. XD)