I just wanted to add some things since I currently study sociology (though please don't take this as me picking a fight or something! I just wanted to add my own two cents on the topic).
Systemic problems are very difficult as it's a complete web of overlapping problems. While I myself oppose violence, it's a bit difficult to say that revolutions with violent results throughout history haven't contributed to an overhaul of an oppressive system. Systemic change is not something solved by a singular movement, instead many of the changes society has undergone are results of countless years of actions, be they peaceful or not. In fact, things that seemingly seem so innocent can be a result of some form of violent struggle from the past. And even when forms of protests are achieved, be they peaceful or not, there is still a huge chance that only a different form of oppression take power (This is coming from a country that boasts a prominent peaceful protest, only to have equally corrupt officials and regimes follow in the next years) if no significant action follow.
The black lives movement is a result of years of systemic oppression that presents itself in so many facets of society. I can't say much more on their situation as I am in a completely far,far away country, but I can say that years of overflowing emotion can lead to rather drastic actions from the oppressed group. There are plenty of explanations that present why revolutions and riots come about, but one is somewhere along the lines of growing gap between the oppressors and the oppressed , and the political climate of which it occurs in. And from what I've observed, America's political climate is rather messy right now, especially with the virus thing going on. But this is doesn't even cover how things like political opportunities and resources affect how movements act.
In every political movement there is almost always some form of disagreement in how their respective issues should be approached. Nonetheless, there is something to be taken from viewing and understanding why and how it is they come to those conclusions. At the end of the day,it is important to listen to the people who directly experience these things. Their narratives are extremely important in identifying the multiple causes and approaches we may take both as individuals and as a collective. So I do hope that we should be careful in presenting different forms of protests as black and white, as there are a lot of nuances to the issue.
This is by no means an attack and invalidation of OP's feelings. And please don't say that you seem whiny! Those are totally valid feelings and no one has the right to tell you that what you're feeling is whiny or invalid! It truly is a terrifying position to be in, and I truly hope that no more violence will take place. I wish for you and your family's safety. I'm incredibly sorry you have to go through something as terrible as this
(I'd just like to say this isn't a form of attack or anything... I just had some things I wanted to add. Sorry if this ended up being long. The tl;dr is just that institutionalized racism is a very complex topic that can't be boiled down to a single solution)