[CLOSED] Review Swap

[enthu_reader]

Hi! I read the first 6 chapters of your novel and I love the way you have set up the intrigue and mystery in the first chapter. I liked the Director's character the most so far. I feel like she has more to offer and doesn't completely look evil to me. Cy and Ray's dynamics are fleshed out quite nicely too and I can see his cogs turning to understand this new world before him. The part I would like to highlight here is though I enjoyed Ray displaying act of pettiness, it felt a little too soon for him to catch onto such feelings like pettiness and sarcasm.

It's like he is a non-human being just taken over a human body and isn't aware of human feelings and notions in general like we do, so I think Ray getting annoyed at Francis as soon as he met him or getting back at him felt a little premature. I feel Ray's understanding should work in a way where it takes some time for him to grasp what different emotions mean that he starts to feel. It's like..he should slowly learn what it means to be petty or sarcastic. Yes Cy is there to explain things to him but it's a different thing to be able to understand them on your own and actually execute an emotion range like a human would. I just feel there should be a little more buildup before he actually gets petty ro angry.

That was the only discrepancy I felt. The set up of experimentation and the politics of it with the President was written well. Only in second chapter I felt some misplaced tenses but I don't think I saw them again in the later chapters. All in all, the plot is quite intriguing and it would be interesting to see how far Ray would be able to hide and if he will start to feel something for the real Ray's family too. Good job!

[enthu_reader]

Hello! Thank you so much for your detailed review! Honestly, yes pacing is always my weak point and I struggle to understand if I am going too fast or slow. But your points helped a lot and I will make sure to go back and edit those chapters and correct the pacing as much as I can! You are right about the info dumping too. I was really scared on how much I should reveal so I thought to bring it gradually over next chapters but I guess I made it very abrupt in that sense. So yes another thing to edit! Thanks a ton. Your feedback is super helpful and I will try to rectify as much as I can

Now coming to your comic, I read the first 5 chapters and the last two chapters. The art quality is really crisp and clear in the later chapters so loved reading those panels. The plot's progression is good, and I liked the awkward moments between the gang! It felt authentic to see that a bunch of strangers are just tossed into the same team and don't have a clue of what they are supposed to do. And then Harrison picking a fight with Pablo. It felt natural and I am sure they will become best buddies lol. I love how everybody has a different personality and none of the characters feels flat. Plus, even within the single group, they form like their own clusters, which is very natural in the real world too. So I liked how the initial dynamics is set between the gang! Though I did feel I had to track too many characters in 2nd chapter so it was hard remembering their names. I guess that's one thing you can look out while introducing the number of characters in a chapter. But it did get easier in the 3rd chapter!

One thing I was a little confused about was what the other worlds meant when Amethyst mentioned about going to different worlds and helping their people. I think there was a little lack in clarity in understanding the worlds that exist in your story. Like how many worlds are there, or how do people get to them? Which world do the protagonists live in currently? So yes just some questions I was wondering about. So I think a little explanation about the worlds would have been helpful!

But other than that, I enjoyed your story! You are a great artist and I definitely feel the art in the later chapters much more organized and cleaner. You have a solid story too with special ops, oracles and prophecies in the mix so I am sure you will do great!

[shriraa.sha]

Thank you so much!!! I'll have your review done by the end of the week (bit caught up in right now) but it will be done by Friday Thank you once again!

[delladz]

Thank you for the feedback, its much appreciated!! I do understand the overwhelming amount of names you need to learn very early on, but they are a package deal and I can't focus on a single character lol

I have the opposite tendency when it comes to info where I like to hold back a lot, but it's implied early on that this is a setting in which multiple worlds exist which I probably could've highlighted more before focusing on the characters themselves. The short answer is that there are an infinite amount of worlds with differing levels of cognizance and livability (think star trek when they visit different planets?).

The main setting takes place on the world of Elemental (which is actually more akin to an island/city thats remnants of a larger planet lol) and people can travel to different worlds via large Dimension Doors which are essential rips in the space-time continuum. All things that are very briefly explained but understandably easy to forget since I spent little time explaining...I very much consider 7SSC to be a sci-fantasy story lol

[enthu_reader]

Hello!

I read your first five chapters and I liked the story so far! My favorite is the AI assistant. Lol his sarcasm is epic. I found the pacing good. His escape, meeting the woman and then defeating that centaur in the planet were neatly panned out. Didn't feel rushed or anything so a good job! You set a good intrigue with the woman too and I feel she will have an important part in the story. Another thing is you write really good descriptions! Feels like it comes naturally to you, the imagination and setting, so writing is on point in that sense.

Two things you could work upon - there were some grammar and punctuation errors I found at some places so you can polish those to have a more refined prose.
Also, you can skip mentioning things in brackets because that isn't really necessary. Like in chapter 2, you write - After some time (maybe thirty minutes) - here you can easily write it as 'After thirty minutes' or 'Thirty minutes later'
The part in brackets feels like extra stuff that you can just easily add in your original sentence seamlessly and not make it feels like you are explaining something extra.

That's all! You have a great story. Though I don't read alien and galaxy sorts of stories that much , your story was really enjoyable! Best of luck!

[JollyMachen]

I found the pacing good. His escape, meeting the woman and then defeating that centaur in the planet were neatly panned out. Didn't feel rushed or anything so a good job!

Yes, thank you, I try to make things feel and naturally, not just a scene-by-scene.

Another thing is you write really good descriptions! Feels like it comes naturally to you, the imagination and setting, so writing is on point in that sense.

I try to explain how I visualize something, so that people can see it too.

Two things you could work upon - there were some grammar and punctuation errors I found at some places so you can polish those to have a more refined prose.

Yes, thank you, I keep trying to smooth everything out.

Also, you can skip mentioning things in brackets because that isn't really necessary. Like in chapter 2, you write - After some time (maybe thirty minutes) - here you can easily write it as 'After thirty minutes' or 'Thirty minutes later'

I actually fixed just that, because of your comments on the Episode!!!!

That's all! You have a great story. Though I don't read alien and galaxy sorts of stories that much , your story was really enjoyable! Best of luck!

Thanks a lot. The story is just starting. Right now, it's just a small part of something bigger.

[JollyMachen]

I'll put my opinion on your story soon, once I'm done reading the parts. Okay?

[JollyMachen]

Alright so I read the first five episodes and I must say...
It seems very interesting so far. I like how in the opening describes the setting's backstory. No overly long dialogue or waiting 30 episodes for it to be explained. From the dialogue, even in the first episode, we can tell Vivia's personality from the interactions alone. When she dies it comes out of nowhere... which is good, that's the point!!!

I love the descriptions fo what she goes through when she dies, it puts us in her position to imagine the pain and feeling. It's funny how she thinks he's a grim reaper saying "I didn't know they sent such handsome grim reapers" and "Maybe they show one last pity". It ends with a reveal that leaves you wondering what comes next. The story then explains what happened and how she "reincarnated" into a murdered princess. (Although it seems more like she simply took the princess' place once they both died.)

The sword scene showing VIvia/Princess Clairette isn't just a helpless victim was cool, another moment to establish the character's personality. Later we see the Realm of Harmony, which description I really liked. It captures an etherial or even dream-like feeling that feels oddly cozy, yet mysterious. It's great we get a valid reason for why Vivia just rides with this "demon" guy she just met. The whole death of the Princess makes one curious for the whole context. Why is Vivia in the Princess' body now? Who killed the Princess? Who killed VIvia and why? How did the people watching the spectacle react?

However, the fact that the text calls Zerath by his name before it's revealed in dialogue is weird. It works better if a character is unnamed by the narration until after the name is revealed in dialogue.

This world is familiar with the terms "Yin" and "Yang" which is interesting...

Also, it's oddly surprising too how neither are prejudiced against each other's kind... I can understand him not being prejudiced, but her too? But I like their interactions, there's already some chemistry between them.

Overall a solid story that really makes you want to know more. Good job!!!!

[enthu_reader]

Hello! Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate it! And you helped me so much with the name! I hadn't realized that I had added ML's name by mistake before his actual name reveal. That helped me a lot and I immediately rectified my chapters. Thanks a bunch!

[JollyMachen]

Welcome. I also rectified issues you mentioned. Thank you too.