I just took a look at yours, and I love the premise! I think it’s a great start so far, especially with introducing the characters. The only suggestions I have are to break up the dialogue into separate paragraphs whenever a different character is speaking so that it’s more clear who’s talking. I would also suggest trying varying the sentence structures rather than beginning most sentences with the subject as it prevents them from sounding monotonous. Hopefully that helps! By the way, I love your character names!
