I don't mean formal debate, I just mean disagreements in general. I thought it would be nice to have a topic to discuss how everyone handles them.
I've found that, the more you think about how people in an argument should behave, the more you embody those behaviors when you get into one yourself. And knowing how to have a good argument is key to being able to discuss sensitive and complex subjects without dissolving into flame wars. I'm sure the internet could use a little more of that. ^^
So here are mine:
1. Arguing is not bad!
Having an argument with someone should not be equivalent to hating someone; I think that's the golden rule. It's okay to disagree. The only time disagreement should be allowed to cross over into disdain is when someone disagrees with something that is generally deemed necessary for someone's well-being: as in, "I don't think suicide prevention should be a thing. Depressed people should just kill themselves; thin out the herd."
If you lose a little respect for someone who says something like that, I think you're within your rights. ^^
2. Don't namecall, and don't patronize
Namecalling is certainly out, and I shouldn't have to explain why. Patronizing, though, is what I see when someone says things like "Please get your facts straight, honey" and "Sorry, pal".
Pleeease do not. XD If you weren't calling this person 'honey' and 'pal' before the argument, do not start now; we ALL know you're not actually trying to be nice. And if you are, recognize that it will generally not be seen as such. I hear 'friend' is popular these days...it carries the same connotation. ;]
3. Stay on topic
STAY ON TOPIC
4. LEARN TO READ
The easiest way to make yourself look like a fool in any argument is to go down some erroneous logic path because you completely missed what someone said. And here on the internet where you're not usually arguing verbally, there is no excuse for that. READ.
And remember to consider each point the other person makes; it's not enough to just run your eyes over their words. If you want to argue with someone, you HAVE to understand what they're saying to you. Otherwise you're basically just screaming "I'M RIGHT, I'M RIGHT" into the void.
5. Don't get fallacious~
"If you don't think I should say things like that then obviously you're trying to control me and remove my right to free speech so you're basically Hitler."
^I hope you cringed while reading that. You should. Because it's so totally fallacious~!
A fallacy is reasoning that appears to make sense but is clearly illogical upon closer inspection. In debate, people often use them to "escape" a conundrum they don't care to think about by creating a new, over-simplified one, and arguing about that instead.
I should not have to explain why that is wrong. ^^
The thing about fallacies, though, is that they're everywhere. Look up 'logical fallacies' and start reading about all the different types, and you'll probably start recognizing them immediately. People use them all the time! They're so darn convenient, after all~
Fortunately, all it takes is a little self-awareness to rise above all that. Don't go to extremes, don't jump to conclusions, STAY ON TOPIC, and you'll likely avoid most fallacies without even trying.
6. Be humble
Even though it's #6, this is probably the second golden rule. Humility is the difference between a good debate and a shouting match.
If you don't know something, ask. If you say something wrong, apologize. People who are too proud to admit that (a) they don't know something, (b) their opponent might know something, or (c) they might even be wrong, are usually the ones who start getting fallacious, angry, stubborn and rude: the four horsemen of Armageddon for any good argument.
Don't let pride destroy your credibility! Always remember that you don't "know it all".
7. Support opinions with facts
"I feel like this because I hate these because I thought that..."
^See that? That's an opinion train. Bad, bad.
"I feel like this because that happened to me."
"I hate these because they caused this."
"I thought that because you said this."
^Better~. Every opinion statement should be supported by something in reality. ^^ It won't necessarily prevent you from having misguided opinions (believe it or not, misinterpretation of facts IS possible) but it will help you to form cohesive arguments instead of just whining and then saying "Now, why don't you agree with me?!"
8. Have fun!
When I'm in an online argument, I tend to use a lot of '^^' and 'XD'. It's not meant to be ironic; I'm often actually grinning and snickering while I write (not in a mean way, of course. I just get excited~).
Debate is exercise for the brain! It teaches you to think about other people's perspectives and re-examine your own. So treat it like you would any puzzle game, and enjoy the challenge.
Compliment your opponent for a good retort, even if you don't agree with it. Make fun of yourself a little; call out the whole argument as silly if you need to.
You're not gods deciding the moral code that all of creation should follow. You're just two human beings having a discussion. Keep that in mind, and chill out.
9. If all else fails, pretend you're a robot
If you're a naturally vitriolic person, or if you're just feeling really pissed off, it's easy to get mean before you even realize what's happening. When that happens to me, I just pretend I'm a robot.
I explain my point plainly and carefully, as if I were writing a textbook instead of a text. I remove all emotion from the equation until I've calmed down.
THEN, maybe I'll go back and add a touch of sarcasm, but only when I'm sure I'm not trying to insult anyone anymore. ^^
Humans are naturally emotional creatures, but emotion is usually the force that takes any list of etiquette rules and chucks it out the window. A lot of learning how to argue with civility is just learning how to take your emotions out of the driver's seat and allow logic to rule your behavior (not necessarily your argument).
Instead of proving and disproving, focus on presenting and analyzing. And remember, you can walk away at any time.
