Visually it looks way better, but I think you lost a little of the brevity in the originals. If it's not essential exposition right now, it doesn't have to be said right away (like say, the elder of the town). The movement shown in panels sometimes tells a way better story than narration so it should just fill in the blanks what would take too long with images, like the names of the places that you already put in.
Also, Page 2 might have some display issues on mobile because the text will get mixed up with the background. I recommend having a little bit of white or transparent-white border(called Stroke on photoshop, dunno about other software) in some of them.