Today, they finally put the name tags on the dormitory doors for the summer students. Mine was the only one on the whole hallway that was falling off...it was just barely hanging on; stuck to the door with one corner. You can't even tell whose name is on it unless you flip it over and look.
And when I saw that, I just laughed...out loud, even. That's me. That's the story of my life. That's all I ever get; just to hang on by one corner all the time. No security, no accomplishments, nothing to be proud of (yet...)...
At least if my life were rotten, that would be something to get used to. But no, it's always just shy of rotten. Unfortunate enough to humiliate me but just fortunate enough that I still think there's hope. It's the sign that almost fell off the door. T_T
Not only that, but I'm starting to feel afraid that I might be a narcissist or something, because I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by idiots. Either children or idiots. Or idiotic children (those are the worst...).
It's not that I think everyone in the world is stupid except me...there are plenty of brilliant people around me all the time. But it's as if they're just window dressing to make me feel bad about myself and nothing more. Like last week in my math class...I will eat my damn fedora if everyone in the lecture just happened to read ahead six chapters before the semester started so they all knew how to solve the first set of problems on their own; I KNOW they didn't; I KNOW I'm not the only non-overachieving student in the class, and yet here I am busting my brains playing catch-up a week later because I still can't do the first problem set, and we're having a quiz on the NEW material in two days!!
^That's all I get from smart people. Shame and embarrassment, and the feeling that everyone knows what to do except me.
The maddening part is that I never have any interactions with them outside of that...do I get coworkers who know what they're doing? No! Family members? No! The few people in my life who I've been able to call friends? Maybe 1 out of 4...! 6_6;
Everyone I'm forced to interact with is always either a moron or has some kind of screw loose or both (unless, of course, I'm actually a narcissist)...I'M always the driver in the relationship; I'M always the adult. I'm always the one who has to grit my teeth and figure it out. Meanwhile, the rest of the world that is apparently able to think is just leaving me behind...
...
...I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. (In a space where nobody really knows me...) When I started this, I was cursing someone out in my head, now I'm feeling much calmer...kind of depressed, but calmer.
Wait, wait...I know what to do:
IDIOT! YOU GODDAMN IDIOT! MORON! SIMPLETON! INSUFFERABLE BORE! LAME-BRAIN, HALF-WIT, STUPID IDIOT!! DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?! CAN'T YOU READ?! CAN'T YOU FIGURE OUT EVEN THE SIMPLEST THING FOR YOURSELF?! WHY?! WHY AM I ALWAYS STUCK WITH THE LIKES OF YOU?!
...Aha, that's the ticket. NOW I feel better. ^^