Do you ever just sit there and re-think you're life choices?

CallMeMattheww 2019-04-25 19:45:05 UTC #1

Currently I'm a law student, I think I'm gonna either graduate this year or next if things go well so that means I officially enter the real world in a few months, what sucks is that I was hoping that before I graduated I thought I would be making money off of digital painting or webcomics so that I could pursue my actual dream of making video games but since 2015 every comic I've made / uploaded on Tapas / Webtoon has kinda flopped (To be fair, I never made anything mainstream so I guess I have no one to blame but myself in that regard) and since I focused all my time making comics I never really practiced digital painting so now I'm just in a slump.

In one month I'll be writing my exams but I can't even get myself to study because I'm just stuck on all the choices that put me here, I can't even be bothered to work on any new comic because in the back of my head I'm just thinking it's gonna flop anyway (I know you shouldn't be making comics in hopes they'll be successful but this was supposed to be a means to earn money to funnel into my actual dream so yeah....that wasn't the smartest choice huh? LOL)

Now I know that I probably sound like that annoying girl crying about her Instagram being deleted but that's something I've come to accept , these are legit 1st world tears, A lot of people have told me that I will probably be able to continue pursuing my dreams even while working a 9 to 5 but seeing how for many other people it just doesn't work out like that, mainly because real life always catches up with them (family, bills, rent, kids etc....) so I doubt I'll be able to escape real life and me funding my dream of moving to a different country to start a video game company is really unrealistic (Honestly it wasn't that realistic to being with but I guess I figured if comic creators like Jeph Jaques / Zac Weinersmith could earn 8000 - 12 000 dollars on Patreon then maybe I could do the same)

But yeah please don't read this as a pity post, I know I'm gonna snap out of it maybe in a week or so, I just need to watch some KPOP - panicked gay / Try not to laugh vids and I'll probably feel better, this is just me choosing to type out how I feel right now and sending it off into the internet, I read somewhere that this helps when you're in a slump (I guess it helps to get it off your chest....IDK) but yeah, TBH I'm not sure what the future holds for me but I'm sure I'll be able to move on forward even if my dream of making video games never materializes, I mean that's what being human is right, we evolve, find new goals and pursue new things right? RIGHT!

P.S. sorry for the incoherent way I wrote this forum post, I'm just typing whatever it is that comes to mind without thinking about if it relates to anything, also side note anyone want to recommend any fun meme Instagram accounts similar to these ones cuz I want to brighten up my Instagram feed:

QueenofBabyLoon 2019-04-25 19:55:01 UTC #2

Story of my life. Those four words sum up my feelings.

I have realized that actually to succeed, you should simply never have a back-up plan and just bet it all on your dreams. People who have nothing to fall back on have no choice but to succeed and are willing to do everything (read everything) that is necessary to succeed at what they need to succeed.

I am not able to do that. My personal life has been so hectic, so unstable that I look for stability in a job and salary. The salary I will eventually be making will be payment for intellectual prostitution. The only thing I hold dear is writing. It is the only thing in this world for which I have a rigid moral code. The only thing about which I am truly, purely intransigent. And yet, I know that as soon as these two years are up, there is a chance I will never have time to write again.

The thought brings me fear and anguish. But as you said: evolve, find new goals, pursue new things. I will become the best intellectual prostitute I can!

TJSchongar 2019-04-25 20:56:43 UTC #3

I've had the "I need to rethink my life" talk with myself MULTIPLE times. It usually comes up when I realize I'm not dedicated enough time and effort to the things I KNOW I really want to do.

At the same time, though, I don't know that I'd be as good an author 10 years ago than I am now, and I'm now starting to see the beginnings of traction. So while I wish I'd been able to have more success long ago, I have to wonder if I just needed more practice, life experience, time to meet the right people...any and all sorts of things.

So yeah, maybe that's all. Maybe you need to live your life a little while before you get the right timing or enough life experience that you can add that storytelling depth to your comics that you need. Could be all kinds of things. But don't give up.

A-weird-girler 2019-04-25 21:09:54 UTC #4

Honestly same. and it's kinda true what @QueenofBabyLoon said, since the only reason I'm still going on my dreams to become a surgeon is that i have nothing more. Even after getting rejected from med school twice I still keep going because I can't do much else, and that's when the whole "rethinking my life" comes in, since in my eyes if I had learned more things I wouldn't have this problem

QueenofBabyLoon 2019-04-25 21:15:01 UTC #6

Med school student here. I am slowly moving towards where you want to be in life. I know that in one year, when I start my pre-clerkship, I shall lose everything. I already have no friends besides my mother. I haven't read a book in ages, unless the Robbins or the Harrison count as literature! My writing is slowly going down the drain.

I shall make big bucks I don't care about. Have a stable 80 hour/week job.

I don't know where you live, however getting rejected from med-school a few times is normal. I know people who went for it 5-6 times before getting in.

sprite_1ww 2019-04-25 21:18:56 UTC #7

So essentially just back yourself into a corner and let the natural "fight or flight" response take over

QueenofBabyLoon 2019-04-25 21:21:32 UTC #8

I really don't know. I mean, if it works for animals, it should work for us too. I wish I had come up with that theory actually (well, I did come to the conclusion myself, three years after an article about it had been published in Forbes - I am always late in life).

A-weird-girler 2019-04-25 21:46:38 UTC #9

Thank you I guess. And I live in Guatemala, so not many opportunities to begin with

moop 2019-04-25 21:56:07 UTC #10

I don’t know your situation but can you look into legal jobs at game companies as your day job? It’s still not making games but it would put you in a fun environment and maybe make connections that can get you closer to it.

I try to frame my life as everything that happens gets me closer to what I want, even if a job just teaches me that I don’t want another job like that. You can also aim for a 9 - 5 office job that has down time that allows you to work on things when it’s slow. Its definitely possible to balance work and life and personal projects, it takes time to get used to that and to figure out how to make it work for you, but I do it and I know other people who do. Even people do art for a living have to balance it with other side jobs while also working on their own stuff.

joannekwan 2019-04-25 22:15:41 UTC #11

That is a very good suggestion! Seems pretty cush too with a high chance of retention (aka they won't lay you off as quickly as other sectors).

My friend is a environmental concept artist at a big game company and she is often overworked. Her previous job was at another game company that folded.

So games are a pretty tough industry to get into and stay in. If you were looking into starting a company, I would suggest trying to develop stuff for mobile first. Development cost is low compared to more complex games, and you could be a third party developer for companies seeking someone to make them a mobile game.

But yeah, there's no shame in working a day job to finance your passion. Real life will catch up with you no matter what you're doing day to day, and it will interfere (speaking as someone who's been freelancing for the past 4 years). I'd rather be working a day job that gives me a steady income so I know I have bills and food covered, than scraping by on a dream and being homeless.

Everyone's path is different. It may lead you to unexpected places, and areas that aren't the most joyous, but the important thing is you keep moving.

Merle 2019-04-25 22:27:19 UTC #12

Having a 40+ hour job and still working on your dreams isn´t impossible either.
I worked 45 hours the entire last year (with 2 weeks vacation, wohoo), still managed to go the gym 3x a week, meet up with friends on the weekend, go to college for a few credits and most importantly
work on my comic enough to put out 1 episode a week and have a big backlog.
It takes a lot of dedication, and you might have to settle with cutting out screen time/working while getting your screen time, and planning well, finding ways to work efficient.

I am only starting college now (it was a gap year of working abroad), but this experience has helped and motivated me a lot.

JeanGuillet 2019-04-26 05:29:53 UTC #14

why not instead of doing a webcomic you do your video game that you've been wanting to do?

Likri 2019-04-26 06:52:59 UTC #15

I'd ask why you went to law school if your interest is in the field of visual storytelling, but one month till finals is a bit late to rethink this choice.

At this point, I'd say you gotta cut your losses and take up a work in the field that'll give you enough to save up a safety net to fall back once you decide to risk it all with a passion project like a comics or video game. You can't work if you don't eat or your electricity is cut off.

Honestly, you aimed too high with your patreon expectations, that's not nearly the average someone doing webcomics makes.

Right now you need to focus on working up the means to your ends, while taking the free time for practicing your skills - be it drawing, storytelling or game dev. You gotta have at least somewhat of a plan before diving into a very unstable career choice. If you want a shot at success, you gotta do the prep work - there aren't many chances to figure things out on the go if you're not sure when your next paycheck will be and how big it'll turn out.

Speaking as a commission artist that lucky enough didn't quit their current part-time job, because a big promising project they've been working with for the last year went into hiatus for an unpredictable time.

Zin_Trollborn 2019-04-26 08:03:57 UTC #16

What a friend of mine did with her life : studies in jobs that gave her a good amount of money and that recruits people often and then, used all that steady money to self-publish her novel and pay very good artists for fine artworks to promote it.

Also I spend my time re-thinking my life choices because the studies I chose and what work I'd wish for don't even exist where I live and I can't move away yet.