(This thread is part of a series! Here's the previous: https://forums.tapas.io/t/do-you-know-how-to-write-a-basic-conversation/41111/1)
This topic will be more useful for novelists than comic writers...but I hope everyone will be able to learn something from it. ^^ Let's begin~
Awkward scene description is one of the biggest turn-offs for me when I read an amateur novel...a bad or boring bit of dialogue will eventually end, but scene description will have to be present throughout the entire book, and I can't go on gagging for that long...
But before I continue getting negative, here are some positive things that I think you should do when approaching scene description. ^^;
1. K.I.S.S.
AKA "Keep It Simple, Stupid". This is more of a stylistic choice than universal good advice, but I think most beginning writers would benefit from a little 'less is more' thinking.
Basically, don't go on and on about the scene. Say as little as you can get away with to set it, and move on. Don't tell me about the leather of the car seats, or the flowers in the centerpiece on the dining table. Just say "they got in the car" or "they sat down to eat" and get on with the event.
Now, this probably sounds a little barebones...but you know what's great about this technique? You can use it to gradually build a scene while the characters are in it. Through a series of small interactions and mini descriptions, the reader will eventually have a more normally-detailed understanding of where the characters are by the end of the scene.
Example (click to read!)
I stepped into the room, and she shut the door, separating me from Squeaky at long last.
Roselite went behind her desk, presumably to get the forms I was supposed to sign. “Juno’s such a wonderful girl,” she said. “She’s got a talent for reading people’s auras, you know. Some of my best Paladins were students she recruited for me.”
“Oh…really?”
“Yeah, she seems to know what people’s talents are just by looking. Warriors, healers, clairvoyants…infamous spies…”
I drew Dante just as she pulled her own Ore out from a desk drawer. It was a brilliant red short sword with a silver hilt.
Dammit. Set up by Squeaky the Wonder-Doll…
“You’re surrounded. There are even Paladins waiting outside for you, if you’re feeling feisty. Surrender now, and we won’t have to hurt you,” she said calmly.
“You won’t have to hurt me? Lady, I could drop you right now,” I scoffed.
“Try it. I’m not the captain of the Red Paladins for nothing.”
She had a point. With her aura strength, I’d probably need at least two perfect shots; maybe five imperfect ones. Meanwhile, she’d lunge at me with that sword and I might lose a limb.
Gotta be crafty.
I shifted my aim and took out the floor lamp. The room immediately went dark.
“SUBMACHINE GUN!” I screamed as I fell back onto the floor. I felt a blade whoosh past my face, scraping my arm as it went by.
Dante changed forms, and I sprayed the room for a good five seconds.
Afterwards, silence.
I crawled over to the curtain and peeled it back to let in the faint evening light.
Roselite was slumped in a corner, her bloodied sword buried in the wall.
^This is a bit of a simplistic version of the technique, but you can still see it working: I don't even bother with a description at first, the room is just 'the room'. But a little later, a desk is introduced...then the floor lamp...and finally the window, with the 'evening light' establishing the time of day. We learn what kind of room the action takes place in WHILE it's going on.
In a more conversational scene, I would do something similar, using elements of the surroundings to pad conversation. For example:
They took their seats on opposite sides of the table.
"You know, call me conceited, but I had a feeling we would end up dating eventually," he said, reclining in the wicker chair. "From the moment we met, I just knew-- it was you and me."
"Y-yeah," she answered. She nudged her handbag into the shade of the umbrella with her foot, trying not to think about the vial of poison within. "I...always kinda liked you, too."
So here, the words 'wicker chair' and 'umbrella' establish this as a scene that's most likely outside, probably at an outdoor cafe or something. So we have a good amount of info already...and these things are just casually worked into the dialogue, as part of descriptions of the character actions. Imagine how much information you can deliver in a longer scene (with a few overt descriptions thrown in to help)!
What is the motivation for K.I.S.S., though? I mean, why bother going through all this instead of just describing everything up front?
For one thing, I think it helps keep the characters grounded in the scene by making the scene itself present in the text. You aren't likely to forget where the characters are when they're interacting with their surroundings at least a couple times a page. It's like in comics, where instead of drawing a series of talking heads during a long convo, you occasionally show the characters doing things with their environment. It adds interest, and makes the setting actually relevant, instead of just a backdrop.
And for another thing, I was taught that books are a medium that feeds off the reader's imagination. No two people will experience a novel the same way...and rather than trying to ensure that their experiences are as similar as possible by giving insanely-detailed descriptions, you should write in a way that gives their imaginations plenty of room to move around. Every once in a while, just remember to give the reader a chance to fill in some of the blanks.
2. Set the tone
When you are the narrator for the story, you become the story's voice and representative. The reader will decide how to experience and think about things based on what you say AND the way you say it.
So when you're setting up a scene, make sure your tone matches the tone you want for the scene. If you want the reader to feel certain emotions about where the character is and what's about to happen, weave those emotions into your descriptions. And when you want the reader to make up their own mind, step back a bit and speak matter-of-factly.
Think about narrators for different kinds of visual media: The people who speak in nature documentaries don't talk as if they were narrating a boxing match. There are different events going on, and different tones and target audiences, so the descriptions of the events within them need to be delivered differently.
Let's look at some examples!
The blue light of dawn revealed the gnarled silhouette of the Cradle Tree.
It was the second day, and still the branches below were silent. Owl-Aster knew not what had become of his brothers and sisters, and for the most part, he was too afraid to find out. So he stayed in the little room on the high branch, listening to the wind rustling the leaves.
This is an excerpt from a high fantasy, naturalistic story (it's actually the very first handful of sentences...so you can bet I worked long and hard on this, and nevertheless it still bugs me).
Obviously, with something like this, you want to focus on aspects of nature in your scene description: the color of the ambient light, the movement of the wind. But also, you may want to use a more archaic way of speaking, to help sell the mood.
'Still the branches below were silent', rather than 'the branches below were still silent'. 'Owl-Aster knew not', rather than 'Owl-Aster didn't know'. The narrator speaks like this throughout the story, even though the characters themselves have a more modern, casual way of speaking.
It's both a technique of contrast and a way of making sure the tone stays 'rustic grandiose', no matter what.
This chapter takes place in the aftermath of a rather violent event, but I don't want the readers to dwell on that: for most of the characters, it's mundane, and just a part of their fantasy world. So at times when this character in particular (who's the youngest, and probably a little traumatized) starts to wax dramatic, in the end, the narrator's calm voice will return to 'reset' the tone.
I want the readers to know that everything's okay...ish. This isn't a story about abuse; I'm not leading up to anything even more violent. On the contrary, we're calming things down, and the characters are just going to learn to cope with this.
Here's another example:
She looked around. It was a rather beautiful home, with white furniture and pastel decorations. It was the sort of place that made you feel as if you’d get into trouble if you touched anything.
A young woman with a buttercream-blonde ponytail sat on the couch in the living room, typing on a laptop. She looked up and smiled at Lockity. “Oh, Peony, is that one of your friends from school?” she asked. “You are going to introduce us, aren’t you…?”
Peony looked uncertain, but decided to oblige the woman in the end. “…Poppy, this is Lockity Runne. She lives across the street,” she said. She turned to Lockity. “Lockity, this is Poppy Berkeley. My…sister.”
First and foremost, you should recognize that this is a different style of narration than the one before. It doesn't use language as grand-sounding, for one thing (I'll admit that words like 'rather' and 'oblige' are a little outside of casual language, but that's more an effect of my natural vocabulary than an intentional choice. ^^; Besides, this is an urban-fantasy story, so a little 'grandiosity' here and there actually helps the mood).
This difference is partly because this story is intentionally written in the tone of a book for younger readers, and partly because, as I said, it's an urban fantasy. We're in a more modern world, where fantastical elements aren't to be marveled at, but to be taken as a fact of ordinary life by the reader as well. A more casual narrator is needed for that effect.
Anyway, the scene is set up to reveal something about a character who's been an antagonist in the story so far. Like her home, she's pretty, polished, and practically perfect...and yet, she seems to have some uncomfortable secrets.
I want the reader to feel tension in that contrast...so I juxtapose the description of the antagonist's cute house and smiling sibling with that same antagonist's obvious uneasiness. It's even more effective if you've read the chapters before, and know how confident Peony usually sounds. ^^
3. Stay in character
Scene descriptions can be even more fun when you're writing in the first person. Now, not only do you have the responsibility of relating the setting to the reader, but you have to do it in a voice that corresponds to the inner voice of the character doing the narration.
And when I say 'you have to', I really mean that. There is no point in writing in 1st person if you don't intend to tell the story through your chosen character's eyes. If you're just going to do cookie-cutter descriptions of everything, write in 3rd-person limited or something; you gotta take full advantage of the stylistic choices you make!
As before, let's look at some examples:
The inside of the suite was dimly lit and very fancy looking, like a palace from a century ago. Y’know, red velvet, gold gilding, furniture legs shaped like animal legs; all that good antique stuff. It was all I could do to keep myself from pocketing some little trinket as we made our way through the parlor.
[]
We ended up on the roof.
There were all kinds of strange instruments up there; probably a bunch of OM devices that powered, controlled, and watched over wrought-knows-what. It was like being in a metal jungle.
I tried to look past the twisted things, to the fields around the Asylum. They were bright green, almost blinding in the sunlight. Shadows of clouds rolled over them like ships on the ocean; the wind was strong. A storm might be coming in soon…
These two descriptions are done by the same character, even though they're very different in tone. The first one is more relaxed and casual, and the second one is a bit more emotionally charged, almost poetic.
Nevertheless, the similar informal word choice and simple vocabulary helps make it clear that they're said in the same voice. This is helped by the fact that, in the story, she's one of the only characters who speaks this way, so her dialogue and descriptions always stand out as hers.
Here's an example of a description from a second protagonist in that same story, who gets her own chapters written from her 1st person perspective:
A few hours later, I knocked on Roselite’s door, as nervous as could be. She answered with a smile and welcomed me inside. I hoped her cordiality would last…
The suite was more or less cleaned up: the broken glass was gone, and all the furniture was in order. But the window had been temporarily replaced with an unsightly tarp (held down with duct tape) and there was still a hole in the wall where her sword had been.
The difference is clear, yes? This is a character who is much older and more mature than Protag 1, and has a completely opposite personality. Protag 2 would never remark about wanting to steal whatever was in the room, and likewise, Protag 1 wouldn't care how 'unsightly' the tarp on the window was. She might call it 'trashy' or 'sad', if she noticed it at all.
In a story like that where you have POV switches, it's important to have well-established narrative voices so the reader always knows who's speaking. But even when you only have one 1st person narrator, the story will go much more smoothly if they always sound like themselves. That way they can drift seamlessly between real-world observations and internal monologue, two common features of 1st person storytelling. Here's one last example, also from Protag 2:
I heard the tarp rustle and went over to it— not in time to catch him, unfortunately. It seemed that his Inclinations afforded him some kind of invisibility…
I turned around to look at Roselite’s body. The arrow (or bolt, as he’d called it) had cut clean through her skull as only an Ore’s power could. Dark blood slowly oozed out of the wound, soaking the carpet around her head.
I felt a bit guilty, somehow. If Roselite hadn’t died, then I probably would have: I was outnumbered, and I hadn’t drawn Sarastro in quite a while…
But I had been saved from her by one of Ferrocene’s men, who (on top of threatening me with death as well) had betrayed his own business partner for whatever reason. The whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth.
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So those were the shoulds...now it's time for the shouldn'ts. >:]
I guess it's less like 'shouldn'ts' and more like 'be careful withs'...as I always say, pretty much any artistic decision can work in the right context. But these are techniques I've seen that often go awry:
-POETRY
If you've never written poetry before, maybe don't start the first scene of your new novel with it. In fact, maybe don't use it in your novel at all...
If nothing else, just know that it will change the reader's perception of your story, just like using surreal art in a comic. Things will feel less grounded in any kind of reality and more nebulous...if that's what you want, go for it. But if you just want your writing to sound pretty, you probably don't have to go quite that far.
-Descriptive essays
This one is a bit up for debate...after all, a lot of celebrated, famous authors used this technique: Victor Hugo comes to mind. And I've heard Tolkien can get quite rambly.
But from what I've heard, even from people who are fans of those authors...generally, ain't nobody got time for that. I look forward to re-reading the Hunchback of Notre Dame someday, but I will totally skip that entire chapter about cathedral architecture and not feel the least bit guilty about it. I'm here for the story, not for the lecture...
Basically, write a descriptive essay if YOU really want one in your story. But don't write one in the hope that it'll prove interesting to others...9 times outta 10 it will do the opposite.
-Adjective Saturation
Seriously, you gotta take it easy on the adjectives. You don't always need to include them; using one (or more) before every noun in a paragraph just makes your writing look amateurish.
Observe:
"He hesitantly entered the small room. Inside there was only a blue bed and a brown wooden chair, over which was draped his cunning adversary's trademark red leather coat. The special book he was looking for laid on the tiled floor, surrounded by torn-out yellow pages."
"He hesitantly entered the room. Inside there was only a bed and a chair, over which was draped his adversary's trademark red coat. The book he was looking for laid on the floor, surrounded by torn-out pages."
I think the paragraph reads a lot smoother without all the unnecessary adjectives...but feel free to disagree with me on that (the type of adjectives used is definitely also a factor).
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Well, that's all I have for this. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions, you know what to do.
