Emotional Support/Advice Thread

unknown_user 2019-07-05 22:04:27 UTC #125

It's hard (up to impossible) to hide that I have some problems from depression spectrum from anyone I'm communicating with long enough. But I really don't want to discuss some specific details, like what meds I'm taking, exact diagnosis and another details of this sort.
Today's evening I've come to the massage session in hope to have some rest after the work week. At that point I already was jumpy because of missing taking my pills at morning, tiredness and hardness of finding the way to the facility. Because of last issue I was already late and additionally upset, when I had finally came. And when the massagist gave me the (standard?) survey list, where there were a questions, like: "do you have a health problems" and "what meds are you taking", I started to involuntarily cry, making the whole situation even worse (Ugh, I hate myself in such a moments; it probably looks pathetic, but it's really involuntarily ).

The problem is:
1. I didn't expect that I'll be asked such an inconvenient questions, so I was caught off guard.
2. I don't want to specify what exactly pills I'm taking.
So eventually I refused to fill the form and went away completely broken and depressed and then dealt with it in more typical way, like -

All these healthcare things are controlled by my organization, and they have an access to data I'm filling in ito the survey. So... For anyone who knows: will I risk to loose my job or will I have a problem with law or with anything, if I will hide some info about my health (actually saying, lie?) in such a survey? In my own country nobody usually gives a shit, but I really dunno about the UK.
Or maybe I'm just paranoidal...

vothnthorvaldson 2019-07-05 22:12:16 UTC #126

The only case I see where it would be a problem is that if it's for the insurance, and still, you most likely will only get in trouble if you conceal a disease and then ask for outrageous reimbursements for medications for said disease.

Not saying medications names... well a lot of people can't even remember what they are taking... unless again it's suuuuper expensive and the survey is for insurance.. I don't see the problem.

unknown_user 2019-07-05 22:37:32 UTC #127

I'm a weird person. If a random person trolls and insults me roughly with angry third-tier swearing, I usually just laugh... and, sometimes, answer with four-tier swearing. But sometimes simple, not-malicious phrase or question hurts and depresses me a lot...
Like, this question about the meds.
And also now I recall one case, when I went to the pharmacy shop, asked for meds and showed the receipt to the pharmacists. And it turned out, that one pharmacist was an intern, and the second one taugh her, how to handle realization of regulated meds. And the second pharmacist taught the first one, pointing on my receipt: "Pay attention, when you are writing a record of the selling of meds at this receipt! You should write this record and make a stamp as compactly, as you can. Because this receipt is for chronically ill patien, so there will be much more records, written in this receipt in the future, and you should leave a space for them". And the phrase "there will be much more records" surprisingly stung me... it's so depressing to understand that there will be much more records about selling the pills... for months, years... uggggh.
And also that case, when my therapist said "when I've seen you the previous time, you was almost happy. I mean, happy to that degree as the person of your worldview can be happy at all". "Happy to that degree as the person of my worldview can be happy at all"... it is not much. It means just not to be very unhappy. So every time, when I recall this phrase, it makes me sad.
And all these accidental phrases, beginning with "in such a serious case, as yours"... ewww

minerrale 2019-07-06 11:06:19 UTC #128

For the survey: don't worry about it. I never talk about mental illnesses in these things because that's not what they're looking for. If it's a massage thing, they need to know if you have muscle or bone issues, like a scoliosis or something. They don't expect to hear about mental illness at all! As for medication, as @vothnthorvaldson said, nobody remembers the name of their pills XD

Urgh these so called medical professionals can be so horrible sometimes! Of course you're gonna feel like crap after hearing these kinds of stuff! What in the name of food is wrong with these people, seriously...

unknown_user 2019-07-06 11:25:57 UTC #129

I think it's just too hard to think about of feelings of every patient, when you should deal with dozens of them every day. So, despite pharmacists and medical workers sometimes make me upset, I don't really condemn them for it, if I see that it's done accidentally, without bad intentions against me personally. But, of course, if they insult patients directly - calling them bad words - then I more than condemn.

minerrale 2019-07-06 11:28:32 UTC #130

If they hurt my feelings, while I'm suffering from mental illnesses, then they're not good doctors and I tell them so XD
I have come to not tolerate violence or abuse, and even though I understand that they can't be mindful of everyone, they still should emember that we, patients, are human beings.

unknown_user 2019-07-06 11:41:46 UTC #131

This is a valid point. Good doctor - especially psychiatrist or psychotherapist! - should be mindful about the feelings of their patients.
I'm just saying, that it is hard for them to implement this ideal in reality, when they have so much patients and probably feel a lot of stress themselves. And it also may be especially hard to not upset patients with such a mental conditions, which makes everything painful for them. So I'm personally trying to not be mad on doctors, who made me upset clearly non-intentionally.
In the same time, I can tell them, that this and that from their speech made me feel bad, for this and that reason, to clarify the situation and avoid the repeating of it in the future. And I think that it's useful to discuss it, not to bottle up.

unknown_user 2019-07-06 14:22:03 UTC #133

Oh. It's so relatable to me. If I'm saying that I'm drawing comics in real life discussion (despite I rarely talk about it IRL), people's first reaction usually is "cool!". But when they find out that it's a long full-colour diligently (but very unproffessionally, to say the least) drawn saga with black humor and satire and a lot of technical explanations of imaginary technologies, and learn that I'm devoting a huge amount of my free time to it and that by my estimations, I'll draw it for a next 5 years, it causes them confusion.
They are especially confused by my strong reaction on not-constructive unsolicited criticism (my reaction on unsolicited criticism is very different to my reaction on asked criticism). They don't understand, why I put so much effort in such a weird thing at why do I take it so seriously and get offended so easily, if they say anything unpleasant about it.

As far as I remember, I told what's wrong in my opinion at some points?
If you've lost these comments for any reason, don't worry - I'll try to find them or write it down again.

Try to look at it from the side. If someone draw or write even very not-professionally and clumsy, do you think that they are bad or not-worthy person? Probably not.

Oh. I can relate to this point in some degree. But in my case, it's not a disgust, more like irritation. Besides, its mostly caused by those main-page-comics, which I don't like (i.e. if I think that it's not original and/or mawkish). If I like particular main-page comics, I can feel a bit envy, but will not experience much negative emotions in general.

I don't think that people around disrespect you. We all have concerns about our creative works and ourselves, so it's all understandable. ✿ڿڰۣ—

ar-ninetysix 2019-07-06 23:53:46 UTC #134

My stress and anxiety are at a peak high right now lol living in California, you always hear about it, there's gonna be a 'big one' bc we've apparently been having some earthquake drought, and July 4th hits us with a 6.4 earthquake, and we thought that was bad, but no lol why would it be?? We get a second earthquake yesterday, 6.9 or a 7.1, and now there's a government-issued State of Emergency in San Bernardino because, get this, the one we got yesterday was the real one. Yeah, the 6.4 from July 4th was a foreshock! A warning basically! A- And we're supposed to expect a bigger one as an aftershock?? And this aftershock sequence can last days, weeks, months, or even years??? bruh

I've been on edge this whole day so far, just constantly feeling the world swaying back and forth beneath me just little by little, and I can't tell if that's an aftershock or if it's just my mind being scared as hell. And like, I can play it off with loads of sarcasm, like "haha we're all gonna die dudes" but saying jokes like that also hit too close to home for me xD like I'm laughing it off, but I also kinda genuinely feel that way!

I- I dunno what to do, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, I'll be here for the remainder of my life which could range from like 3 minutes to 9 years bc of the wobbly ground

DiegoPalacios 2019-07-07 00:41:03 UTC #135

As someone who lives in Chile, a seismic country, i kinda know what it feels. Hope the Architecture in California has a quake proof design. (in Chile is a common practice)

I was lucky not to be in the big 2010 quake of Chile (8,8), but all the stories my family told were shocking.

but i can tell you this, if you and your loved onesknow the protocols on what to do in a quake, you will probably be fine.

ar-ninetysix 2019-07-08 16:12:31 UTC #136

I didn't reply to this and um.. oops lol I initially just meant to post it as a .. screaming into the void thing. My posting it gave me this weird reassurance like "yes, I got everything out there, look there's proof of it right there" lol

Anyways, yeah, for the most part, a lot of the architecture is built for earthquakes, but like.. you never know. The apartments I live in have this huge backyard type of area, no wires or cables above it, and the apartment I live in is right next to that, so.. We'd be safe enough there. My parents stuff packed already, which like.. I wish I'd known about that xD

I was definitely more on edge about it a few days ago, just like the adrenaline or whatever kinda stuck around lol I've been feeling these "phantom quakes" which is basically earthquake PTSD and my body's feeling stuff that's not there. So, uh.. yeah, I panicked lol

DiegoPalacios 2019-07-08 17:04:28 UTC #137

glad everything went okay, the first time experiencing earthquakes is scary, (who wouldn`t freak out when the world around them starts to tremble?). I saw earthquake PTSD on my family for a while, luckilly they are getting better.

unknown_user 2019-07-13 23:31:29 UTC #138

Does anyone know, what this thing is?

How aware people are about it?

It's actually one of the reasons of my tiredness from IRL social activity. I DON'T have a full Prosopagnosia, but even partial one causes problems in social interactions. Parcicularly, I CAN remember faces of people, whom I met for more than dozens times OR faces, which have very unusual traits. But speaking of all other people - I DON'T recognize them by faces. I recognize them by other traits - like voice, hair, clothes style, body peculiarities, manner of talking, topics they are talking about, context in which I meet them, etc, etc, etc.

It's actually quite typical for me to meet an "unknown" person, who starts talking to me the way like they know me. So, in responce Im just answering their questions and am saying neutral things to support the converstaion, and also analyze the person and their speech to sort out, who is it. Sometimes it analyzing becomes complicated, and it requires a lot of thinking in this case. In this case, it makes me really tired. And there is always a probability, like, 1% than I don't succeed.
The more active social life I'm living, the more stressful this factor becomes. It limits my social activity.

But I really don't know, how to explain all of this to people, who didn't read and don't know anything about this mental flaw, so I usually just don't talk about it. When I didn't recognize someone, and they told me about it with upset or suprise, I just said: "It's hard for me to remember faces, sorry". But person usually look at me with distrust in responce ( yes, bad memory on faces doesn't prevent me from recognizing people emotions. ) So I doubt they really understand what do I mean.

Sometimes I'm wondering, why am I so sick. It's hard to believe that just the ONE person can have so many problems with their brain.

vothnthorvaldson 2019-07-14 00:35:09 UTC #139

I'm very bad with faces too! I also wonder if there is a relation with my social issues, in one direction or the other.

This happens all the time... And often when they leave, I only managed to have understood where I know them from, but often not exactly who they are.. It's already good if they did not see I'm lost...

I mostly use hair, voice and clothing style to recognize persons that I don't see regularly. Because my job is very good for that, with customers coming in relatively large amounts and some of them weekly, some monthly, some less, I kind of do my little studies on them, hehe.
I generally recognize the weekly ones after 2 to 3 months (so I saw them 8 to 12 times), but for about 20%, I will never well recognize them (sometimes yes, sometimes no; or recognize them without certitude).
If I see someone less than once a month, even for years... it's very difficult, unless I speak with them very long each time AND they have other recognizable features.

I'm also terrible at perceiving and worse, remembering gender or ethnicity of people. I need to have them in front of me to 'check', as an active check that I have to think of doing, and I need to voluntarily 'store' the information, i.e. tell myself 'next time you see this person, remember that they are this or that". One could think it's a good thing, but no, NOT AT ALL. People generally hate it, and no one believe I don't do it on purpose.

It's certainly not helping us introverts

kaetana 2019-07-14 01:52:55 UTC #140

Oh, I have this too! I can usually figure out who people are if they are in a context I expect to see them in (like, oh I'm talking to someone at the game store, that narrows my mental list down to people I know I see here - other details like voice and hair are usually enough to recognize them then). But if I run into somebody in a totally different context from where I normally see them I can end up having no clue who it is haha.

In terms of trying to explain it to people, if I'm not recognizing them or am worried that I won't be able to find them by face again later, I'll usually just say something like "Oh I have face blindness so I can't recognize you by face, you might have to help me out there!" And I dunno, it seems like usually framing it as them helping me avoids them getting offended about how I won't recognize them? It definitely makes social interaction a lot more exhausting though.

vothnthorvaldson 2019-07-14 02:03:32 UTC #141

I just remember a funny scene two weeks ago:
Someone passed walking fast in front of my stall, trying to keep up with a running kid, and as they pass, they said "I can't stop, as you can see, but say hi to (my spouse's name)!"

So all what I had to tell my spouse, is that a medium sized blond person who by the sound of their voice, was probably male, said hi. Good that was not an important message

vfinnigan 2019-07-16 21:02:59 UTC #142

We call that "compassion fatigue" or just plain "burnout" in my line of work. It's a real problem that requires rest, some counseling, and perhaps time off.

unknown_user 2019-08-02 10:51:31 UTC #144

< DELETED > Tldr: TIM and whining, as always. Decided to delete after a while

dawgofdawgness 2019-08-02 11:05:31 UTC #145

I wish you wouldn't blame yourself for these things, feeling nothingness and loneliness after talking to other people isn't your fault and you should never feel ashamed for "having everything yet not being happy". It's just a thing that happens. Not your fault. don't let others, especially family, convince you otherwise.

I feel you on that... somewhat? I guess I get the feeling of wanting to be happy and trying to convince yourself that you're happy but when you stop distracting yourself with socializing you realize that it was just a short burst of superficial energy when you talked with other people. Well I can't really help much, since I'm just a high schooler with not a lot of life experience, but it helps to have friends you can always come back to. It can even be an internet friend or a long-lost childhood friend. Just someone you can bounce back to and maybe vent out to so you won't feel like you're just wandering around forming insignificant relationships with other people.
And also, self-confidence is the key to happiness a lot of the time! I can't just tell you "be more confident!" Because that's like:

But... you know, little things. When you wake up, take a good look at yourself in the mirror and accept the fact that you ARE a snacc and you are looking great today. If not, wear some nice clothes or something or do your hair differently. Eat good food and exercise. Watch a tv show. Find a hobby... happiness will find you.

unknown_user 2019-08-02 14:38:40 UTC #146

Yeah, I wish I could. But I hear everywhere that if you can't enjoy what you have and are whining about "petty" things, you are negative and toxic person, and it's your own fault that you are unhappy. I know that it's not quite true, especially for people having problems with depression, but I still can't completely ignore this kind of opinions, because it's again, what you are hearing everywhere.
I regularly see discussions in the internet (and sometimes IRL), where people, for example, condemn beautiful girls, whom they seen in expensive cars, or in expensive restaurants, or in expensive clubs, who has an unhappy face. They are saying something like: "For people like her, it's never enough. I wish I could afford myself to have an unhappy face with what she has!". Even despite I'm not so beautiful and don't have an expensive car, I still think that people can think like this about me as well.

Yes, I think you've catched it. It is really this way.

If you are high-schooler, it doesn't necessarily mean you can't give a useful advice, even for people older than you. Maybe you have less experience in general, but you also could have different experience from my own, which I didn't have, and thus learn something different from it, which I haven't learned.
About friends - yes, it could help... but I have a problem with it. I'm not completely sure, whom can I call a friend. I had a couple of old friends, but they slowly became estranged from me during the last years. And now it became even worse, cause I was too carried away by my new life in the new place, and I've lost connection with my old friends even more. Besides, they are on the huge physical distance from me now. So, after all of this, I don't know, if they still care about me? Honestly, I'm too hesitated to write. It will be a punch to me to discover that they don't give a shit about me anymore, aren't close people to me anymore. But if it's true, I will learn it some day anyway, so probably I should try even despite of it..