Emotional Support/Advice Thread

[unknown_user]

This post contained some whining about my issues (EDITED)

[vothnthorvaldson]

I'm neither good with words and neither do I know how I could help you, but I can give you a piece of advice about the paper and the supervisor.
Tell them a bit about the issue. Not too much, but some. From my experience, there is nothing they hate more than waiting for their students to update them and it never comes. They prefer to know there is an issue and that the work will be delayed (so they can focus on an other student or project). My (difficult) relationship with my PhD advisor improved a lot after I told her the delays on my work were due to me going through a severe depression.

[minerrale]

I don't have a solution to offer any of y'all, but I'd like to remind each of you that you CAN do this. You are stronger than you think. You have defeated many monsters already, jumped many obstacles, you can do it
You are not alone.
You are loved
You are cared for
You are stronger than the monsters

[unknown_user]

@minerrale I appreciate your intention to help. But I can't agree with the particular way you doing this now.

For example, what if the person is alone and isn't loved by anyone? It is a valid option. I personally had periods of life in this state. So what? Should I die? (sometimes I think like yes, but I doubt you really mean it).
What the point to make statements about people you don't know personally? They can easily be a lie.

[vothnthorvaldson]

Same. I would appreciate the attention, but not the message. When I was depressed or overwhelmed I would like someone to tell me:
It's ok if you can't
It's ok if you're not loved or cared for.
It's ok to be lonely.
That would be efficient support.

Just to help people know how to react. I don't want to discourage people of being supportive by being too picky.

[LittleMissDevil]

Good Lord, trying to get an appointment at a psychologist is making me more depressed than I already am. In Germany I can get therapy through my health insurance no problem, but actually getting an appointment is a nightmare. "Only call at these very specific times, where you'll definitely gonna be at work, the time frame is about half an hour and don't you dare leave a message on the mailbox unless you're already a patient". Uuuuuuurggghhhhhh. I've not even spoken to a real human being yet and I'm already stressed out.

I've been struggling with symptoms of depression since October at least and now I remember why I procrastinated calling a doctor again. I mean, I know that I can't deal with these problems alone forever. I know I should get into therapy soon, especially since it is starting to effect my willingness to go to work (I still am going, but it's getting harder). But this process is just so exhausting.

[skicoak]

How did you come about your brain damage?

I've got lots of issues from repetitive brain trauma (which hopefully doesn't lead to CTE) but my issues are mainly physiological not psychological.

[Nail]

I've been having depressions since the 10th grade in school, which makes pretty much a half of my life, and five last years in particular were the most fun, since I've also aquired a panic disorder. I can put my signature under each word you said: no friends, no relationships, I fail at every attempt to get a job, living with my parents at my 30, and a year ago the only person who was able to bring some sense to all of it went merried and now lives in a different sity, so I'm also have a drinking problem now.
I've been on medication and visited therapists, but, I guess, she's (the therapist) being doing something wrong, cause after the visit I usually go to buy some buzz to forget the it.
After all, I've learned to percieve this all as some fucked up journey and paddle through it on a tiny canoe of my morbid self-irony.
I guess, there's some kind of taboo in society about feeling bad, so you're not only feeling depressed but eventually, you're also learning to feel guilty about that, like, your parents were working so hard to make you a happy person, and your friends were so nice to you when you feeled down, and you - piece of shit - not appreciating their efforts. They say that everything will be fine and other stuff, but will they sit with you and help you paddling? No, most of them won't - they have their own lives and it's not their river of shit. So after some time it starts to sound like've been stuck down in a deep dark pit and someone upthere comes and says: "Man, you stuck in a deep dark pit. Hope you'll get out of there" and leaves. Well.. Thank you! And I'm not saing it because I've become cinical or I'm just not gratefull. I'm saying it because of something that was given to me by named person - a piece of real care, that really helps me now.
Anyways. This was my daily dose of rambling. I know how it feels, losing things that you love (to do, to be or be with) but try to concentrate on things that are still tere and what you can do about them. Or I'll kill your hamster.

[unknown_user]

How did you come about your brain damage?

I didn't. It was the conclusion of the doctor, who have analysed electroencephalogram.
I myself don't know how to interpret electroencephalogram graphics results. I've tried to take a look at some text books and papers about it, but they have appeared to be too complicated for the person without proper education. It seems like the person should invest a notable amount of time and efforts to master this, and also should have a lot of practice of recognizing described patterns in real people's electroencephalograms, because they are not exactly are like in the textbook, but can vary widely. So I concluded, that I'd better rely on interpretation of medical specialists with proper education and experience.

[unknown_user]

I've been on medication and visited therapists, but, I guess, she's (the therapist) being doing something wrong, cause after the visit I usually go to buy some buzz to forget the it.

Auch. It seems like the bad sign. Maybe other therapist would be more helpful.

I know I should get into therapy soon, especially since it is starting to effect my willingness to go to work (I still am going, but it's getting harder). But this process is just so exhausting.

Yes, it is. But it is good that you are at least trying to do something to fix it. Wish you good luck with this appointment.

[Nail]

Auch. It seems like the bad sign. Maybe other therapist would be more helpful.

It would be the fifth one then, and starting everything from the begining makes little sense. And I have no money for it anyways.

[minerrale]

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this. But I have a deep love for people in general, so you are at least loved by one person you have never met. You are not alone in your suffering, there are millions of us. That's what I meant ><

[Nail]

Auch. It seems like the bad sign. Maybe other therapist would be more helpful.

You know, to be fair, there is one thing she did for me...
So, I never considered myself an attractive person. I mean, my teeth were growing all over the place since childhood andat the age of 23 I started to loose hair. Well, I wore brackets for a year and changed the haircut, but it's not that my complex of inferiority went missing. Non the less, I was playing with the idea of me being somewhat attractive time after time, but quick look through the photos of me from most recent event, would usually made me depressed for no less than three days. Also I was noticing girls on streets or at the bar looking at me sometimes, but I always thought it's just was that something has stuck to my face, or I was making weird expressions while submerged im my thoughts. It sometimes was going to the extend when they were making some passes toward me. But I just thought they're kind of weird or something.
Anyways, at another day I was telling this all to Tatyana (the therapist), and she was like: "Man, what's wrong with you? I mean, have you seen yourself? You're quite allright".
So I thought: "Ok, she's trying to chear me up. It's her job after all" (I'm often getting quiet paranoid, when people saying good things to me). So I left with that though. But soon after I started too look a bit closely to the people, lloking at me at the street, and, yup, they're looking at me exactly in THAT way: mostly younger girls, sometimes, women of older age... sometimes guys. The weirdest was what it were those two girls, kind of my age, but only if you summ up their both ages. So I was passing by, when one of them them saw me and said to her frien: "Look, what a guy". And then they both were literally follwing me with their eyes untill I walked by, so they couldn't see me.
It can look like I'm bragging here right right now, and maybe I am, a little bit, but it all seams so ridiculous to me. I'm literally laughing, thinking of this. I'ts just so weird to me. I'm kind of attractive... what the fuck. I still blame my beard, that finaly looks like something like a beard and my grey hoodie, weraing which I look like a Jesus. I still look, like shit on photos. I'm just not getting it.

[unknown_user]

So, I never considered myself an attractive person. I mean, my teeth were growing all over the place since childhood andat the age of 23 I started to loose hair. Well, I wore brackets for a year and changed the haircut

LOL, I had 34 teeth instead of 32, and they have grown as they want. At least, you was managed to allow yourself a brackets! I haven't them yet. Can't save enough money for them for a long time.

About attractiveness in general... hell, I don't know either.
I have grown up in a small provincial town. Most of inhabitans of this town were Slavic, and some were Korean. I had mixed nationality of slavic + some blood of dark-skinned north races, so I couldn't count as any of them.
When I was a kid, other kids have said that I'm very ugly and will never find a boyfriend. The most hate and disgust was induced by mine a bit darker tone of skin and unusual face features, cause, for some reason, most of kids in that town have thought that only white-skinned people may look good. My misshapen teeth and my cheap clothes, inherited from relatives, as well as weird behavior (of course), have induced their mocking, too. They have shown their disgust for me in all possible ways, so I've started to believe myself that I'm exremely ugly and cause disgust to people.
Though, then I've moved to the capital, where more different nationalities are represented, so people here are less aggressive to not-quite-slavic appearance. Also to this point my family have already afforded themselves to buy normal clothes to me, and I myself learned to take care about my appearance better (as well as behave less weird, so people become less irritated by it). And surprisingly many people have started to tell me that I look good. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Well, the lesson which I've learned from that is that estimation of person's appearance is noticeable subjective... it is closely interlease with:
- prevailing national composition, which people around are used to see;
- the behavior and manners of the estimated person;
- the tastes of particular persons, who give an estimation. These tastes may differ a lot;
- current fashion and beauty standards in the particular society, which, of course, tend to change.

[Nail]

It's all about bein loved after all, and the way it is is that we love against everything, not for something in particular. It's what holds the whole peoplekind together afterall. I'm quiet drun right now. I've have inherited quiet pour sense of tact from my tather, so I'm sorry if I sound like an ashole, but there's a documentary called Children of Darkness (you can find it on youtube), and there's a guy, and he's not allright, burt there's a girl, who says: "He's fucking allright to me". That's the girl, everyone should have. Unless you don't want to... Or a guy...

[LittleMissDevil]

Got an appointment finally. It doesn't mean that I will get therapy right away, but it is a first step which in it of itself is a relief somewhat.

[NeonKnight]

My father always said that life is a constant fight, you have to keep fighting always. dont give up even defeated, rise up and hit that btch called life , let her know your not someone to stomp around as she likes. Never give up and always strike harder!!

[unknown_user]

(EDIT: irrelevant post)

[minerrale]

I am so glad that you're feeling better! Keep on going, you're awesome and I fully believe in you!

[unknown_user]

How to delete my old post? Its so mawkish that I want to puke.