Feedback on my Comic (am I doing something wrong guys?)

[Bobler09]

Hey there, I'm the creator of Beyond sight, a sci-fi, mystery webcomic here on Tapastic. I asked for feedback in this forum once allready and got really awesome advice, which helped me develop a lot. Since then I have the feeling that escpcially my art is improving quiet well. Now though (im at page 21 a.t.m.) I'm starting to see new difficulties. Buildup and a good pacing is getting really important, but because this is my first comic ever i have no experience whatsoever with those topics.

My question to you guys is, how can i improve the most in this area? I think especially my storytelling and dialogues need some improvement, but its really hard to tell what exactly is off and what works for a reader...

Also a concern for me is that i seem to have a decent amount of views, but compared to that just a few people that actually subscribed... just a coincident? Is it the slow pacing of my series or is something else significantly wrong, something you as a reader might hate too? I don't know

I would love to hear your feedback on this matter, I don't know who else i can ask... (no one i know draws comics)

thank you in advance and have a good day

littleBobler

[LCT_m_a_d]

I've found the best way to improve in writing is to read a lot. Especially diverse material.
With dialogue I'm finding it's easier to create when I flesh out the character's personality. Taking personal notes on how I would describe a character's personal behavior.

[TheRabbit]

Like @DaikotoDwolv said, read a lot of diverse material. I would also recommend looking into screenwriting tips/tricks and story analysis things (articles/videos etc.) Even though there are some difference between a screenplay and a comic, there are a lot of things that applies to both mediums (like pacing, setup/payoff etc).

As for the few subscribers... hmm...

As I reader, I feel that I need to see more of the plot before I'll decide if I should subcribe or not. Right now, all I know is that Eliah is having some nightmares and that he's going out somewhere. But I don't know where, or why he's nervous to go out.

[Bobler09]

@DaikotoDwolv @asekanina thank you for your feedback! I did some research before i started, but should definitly look into that stuff again... especially reading about screenplays is something i can imagine could help tremendously.

B.t.w. im not crazy about subs, was just confused, cause it looked like people were checking it out once and deciding it wasn't worth reading. I'm happy to hear it is "just" the pacing and not something fundamentaly wrong with the series. I might try out to speed the series up a bit... I'm just carefull, cause I don't wanna tell too much too fast... a mystery is just a mistery as long as nobody exactly knows how to solve it.

[punkarsenic]

actually, 1.4k views aint a lot. 28 subs to 1.4k views isnt wow amazing but its, imo, a fairly solid number. bear in mind page views include every time your subscribers view your page.

looking at your comic, id say that overall its good. your grasp of colour and composition is good, and your anatomy isnt really a problem, you clearly have a defined style and i think it works well overall.
two things that jump out at me as off are A: your lines; i cant quite put my finger on what bothers me about them, but i think generally they need to be smoother, which is a question of tablet settings, software settings, and practice. id also recommend trying out different line colours and weights.
also, B: your protagonist's head is, while clearly a stylistic choice, odd to look at. like, a little too big, a lot too top heavy.

personally, i didnt subscribe when i looked at your comic the first time because im really biased against anime-like styles. theyre perfectly valid and often beautiful, but i dont like looking at them. i couldnt say why others dont, really. like, i kinda know why, but cant put it into words. id recommend working on improving your art, for me thats always the first dealbreaker.

(also, what you did w the chapter icons is super cool)

[Bobler09]

Thank you so much for your feedback!
It really helps me a lot. I was trying to work my way slowly to a style where i draw no, or only partial outlines... more like in a painting, but i might have overlooked, where i should improve first and foremost! Your lineart tipp is gold for me! definitely gonna look into this topic more careful from her on out (i was solely focused on improving the color and lightning of my scenes up till now)...

cant say much about my protagonist, cause im generally satisfied with his design... he might look odd from time to time because i failed his proportions
I can understand you on that anime-stlye part though, even if i dont think the same way, but if it helps, im working on multiple character designs which use a variety of artstyles for the very near future... it was unfortunate that the design of the two characters i introduced first were more or less pure anime-style, even though i tried to spice it up a bit with some background characters (seemingly didn't work too well)

Overall i'm really glad, you provided me with such awesome feedback, I gonna make sure to take a closer look at my outlines, how i use them, how i draw them etc. and also try to spice up my artstlye a but more!

[HVOICE]

Just wanted you to know the artwork in the beginning is stunning! Very nice, enough to get me to sub anyway. XD

As for pacing, yeah unfortunately when there isn't much going on in the pages with each update, it'll take a while to gain a following, especially if there's no inciting incident right off the bat. Generally comics like this are better received if the majority of the pages are read in one sitting. You'll gain your fanbase little by little, you just have to be patient.
It took me 2 years just to get 600 subs on Tapastic. When I posted my comic on Webtoons, my sub count skyrocketed immediately, but by that point I already had all of chapter 1 and half of chapter 2 completed, so they were able to get a feel for the story a lot sooner.
There's a really great webcomic, one of my favorites called Rumplestiltskin, she made this comic to be read in book form someday. Its a really good read as a whole, but as a webcomic that posts page by page, the pacing can seem really slow.

As for dialogue, do you ever read your scripts out loud?
When I took playwriting and screenwriting classes, we would always have other people read our scripts. Sometimes I would come in thinking I had the best thing I'd ever written until I heard it read aloud. It's a really good way to catch unnatural sounding dialogue.
So if you haven't tried this already, just read your script out loud. Pretend you're a voice actor or something, or better yet, pretend you are your characters. Become your characters, put yourself in their shoes and really think about how they might say this line. You'll be surprised how much of a difference it'll make.

[Bobler09]

Thank you so much for your feedback!
Yeah, i'm pretty aware that my pacing might be a bit slow for a comic that releases bi-weekly... before i started drawing this I had two scripts, this one and a one which was much faster paced... didn't like the 2nd thouh, felt kinda rushed for me, and missed atmosphere... a lot less estabishing shots, even shorter dialogue, etc.

That tip with reading my text loud helps a lot... tried this out a minute ago and found already a handful lines, which i probably could do better. This'll help me a lot in the future.

took a look into Rumplestiltskin too... it looks really good, definitly need to check it out later, when i have the time.

[revisionstudios]

The biggest thing I noticed is that you're not economic with your panels, and that's what's killing your pacing!

This is mostly true for your first scene, where he's getting up, getting ready, and going through the city for his job interview. It took a whopping 13 pages to get there, when you could have conveyed the information you wanted in less than half of that. You've gotta get rid of the minor actions and start implying travel, especially in transitions.

For example, if you show a character going up a flight of stairs, you don't want to dedicate a whole page to showing it. You just have the one panel of them going up it, then the next one they're already walking away from the stairs. The action is implied.

Similarly, the audience will understand if you show him in the city for a page or two (enough time for some of your dialogue and interactions), and then he shows up at his destination.

I think overall you have a good thing going though, I would maybe work on character consistency (sometimes they look odd at different angles). You have good panel layouts, it's easy to understand, and nothing is too static. Good job on that front!

P.S. It doesn't really strike me as anime, seems like you have a pretty meshed style as is. Style is so relative lol.

[revisionstudios]

I found a concrete example for you in my own comic. Go here and to the part where the lady says, "Just ask the receptionist to direct you." (a little over half down the update, at the end of page 6)

Were you confused about where he went or how he ended up where he did? Because all I did was show him talk to a lady and then get out of an elevator!

[Bobler09]

Thank you for your feedback.
Ok, so i gonna take a second look at my pacing. I start a completly new scene the next page, so i'll be able to try out some new stuff without breaking the style of the comic even if it doesn't work out perfect... your example is really helpfull btw. i like it a lot!
Character consitency is hopefully something you get better over time... at least i have the feeling that i improved allready compared to the first pages. still is a long way to go though

I'm so happy that you guys provide me with such awesome feedback and tipps, im really looking forward trying them out as soon as possible!

[revisionstudios]

Oh yeah, there's a lot of improvement so far, don't worry about that. You're doing great. Honestly my biggest recommendation would be to go back to basics, maybe draw some skulls or skeletons, the muscles on top, then the skin. That sort of thing helped me out. Do you use character sheets? Drawing their head from a front, side, back, and 3/4 view would help (just make sure you line up their features, like eyes/nose/mouth/chin between each view).