Click on link to Kiss it Better
Confirm that I am indeed over 18
Read first sentence
Reread first sentence, certain that I read it wrong the first time
I did, in fact, read it correctly
The M rating is certainly warranted
I occasionally read M/M fan fiction, but I personally have never read BL, and I'm a queer woman, so read this review comes with those caveats. I'll also reserve any sort of commentary on the 18+ parts, since this forum is open to all ages.
Beginning the story with something that intense is a bold move, and gives a pretty clear sign of what the tone and content of the story are likely to be like. I think that the interruption and the emotions stemming from it create a stronger hook than the initial paragraph, but that could come down to personal preference, since I'm interested in Inho as a character. The chapter sets up the question of what Inho will do next, and is a good cliffhanger that should convince potential readers to continue on to the next chapter.
The grammar and spelling are both good, and the organization and paragraph structure are similarly well done. I really liked the simile about how fast the elevator dropped, although I think it could come through a lot more clearly if it was its own sentence.
Overall, it's a good first chapter, and I think it will do a great job of hooking potential readers!
My new novel is... well... exactly what it sounds like. It's not the first novel I've written on Tapas, but it's definitely different in tone than my previous work.