@HotCrop, I know that I am a few episodes behind on proofreading All In. I started reading them last night and am working on the light edit today.
@IcyMango, do you remember way, way back in the summer writers camp? You offered to let me parody one of your chapters from Her Blessed Curse, and you selected Episode 9. Well, towards the end of that camp, I decided to save this particular lampoon for a later project. Later is now. I am putting together an anthology of these riff segments, and I've prepped a draft which I made from your Episode 9.
I have not posted this yet to Tapas. I want your input before I do that.
Episode 3: Her Blessed Curse
based upon the chapter “Agreement in the Garden”
from the novel Her Blessed Curse by IcyMango
Shiva read the title of the selection, “Her Blessed Curse. Hmmm Isis, is this one of your sufficiently-advanced-technology-is-indistinguishable-from-magic things?”
Isis stopped brushing her fur long enough to answer, “No Goofy Scales, I selected a romance story for tonight's reading.”
Shiva said, “I'll be in my mothership.”
Odin entered the room in time to hear Shiva's statement. He said, “You are already in your mothership. You volunteered to host this reading, Shiva.”
Shiva said, “Weeeeeell, my prediction was accurate then. Why are you late, Canadian Bacon?”
Odin answered, “I thought that I would try being fashionably late for a change.”
Isis told him, “Odin you silly boy, late was so last season. Punctual is the new early.”
Shiva said, “Since we are all here, what do I need to know about this Cursey Blessy Thing?”
Her Blessed Curse is an adolescent romance by the novelist IcyMango. The story follows Elica, a young working class girl in a medieval city. She already has romance blossoming with her friend, Aeres. Their GL relationship gets disrupted when the lord of the her region selects Elica for an arranged marriage to his son. The son is named Valafar, and he uses a halberd.”
Shiva said, “Okay, you had me at halberd. I'll give it a shot, but somebody better get impaled.”
Odin shuttered, “I don't like love triangles. They have three too many sides. I'm comfortable with love dots.”
Shiva said, “I know that I can appreciate romance better than this guy.” He pointed a clawed thumb at Odin. “Let's get started.”
“The man with the halberd I take it. Well, I suppose if you are to be my husband, then we certainly do have things to talk about, don't we?” Elica replied, her cross loosening. But I would still like some time to collect my thoughts.”
Odin interrupted, “The first rule of Halberd Club is nobody talks about Halberd Club.”
“Then how about we take a stroll through the gardens while we talk, I'm sure they'll help you clear your head,” he said, his hand still extended towards her.
“Very well, I'll come with you,” she replied, taking hold of his warm hand to walk with him.
Odin said, “Ick, they're touching.”
“We'll leave through the main door, but I'll show you a side door that leads directly to the gardens when we return,” he said as they left the room, turning towards the same direction she had come from.
Dietz stood in the great hall off some distance, talking to the group that had been watching Valafar's performance. He only gave the duo a nod before returning to his talk as they left the building.
Shvia pointed his claw at Dietz. “He's the murderer. The butler did it!”
Isis said, “Shiva the Destroyer of Chill, show a little patience. Before the physical hazards come, the story has emotional hazards to establish.”
A trellis arch sat on the stone pathway that led into the gardens, its flower covered vines warmly greeting all who would enter.
The view from the main pathway did little justice to the full splendor of the gardens. The intricacy of the structures and the vibrancy of the plants proved to be a powerful combination.
Valafar released her hand shortly after they entered, allowing her to roam about the pathways, dumbfounded by the beauty before her.
“They're amazing,” she gasped as her eyes continued to wander. Her eyes quickly landed on a gardenia bush next to a fountain, its white flowers strongly asserting its presence. “Just look at them,-” she exclaimed, gleefully approaching the large plant, “-aren't they beautiful?”
Isis said, “Then the doormouse lifted his head and said, 'Thank you Alice, you're not so bad yourself.'”
“Do you especially like these flowers?” he asked, approaching from behind.
“They remind me of someone I know,” she replied wistfully, the breeze enveloping her in their fragrance. “Anyway,” she burst out, breaking from her trance like state, “what would you like to talk about?”
“Well, about our betrothal, how do you feel about it? Feel free to answer honestly, I won't mind either way.”
Shiva said, “-- but before you answer, know that if you do answer honestly, Valafar will cut off your head.”
“Well, if you insist that I be honest, my answer would be that I hate it… I have the feeling though that my opinion isn't going to change the matter, now is it?”
“Unfortunately that seems to be the case, though keep in mind this isn't by my design,” he reassured.
Odin said, “He thinks that girls have cooties. If he had his way, he would stay home and play with his halberd.”
“I got that impression when your father spoke of you,” Elica sighed. “So how long have you known about this? I heard you recently returned from Riorna, so I'm guessing you knew before that.”
Odin said, “He had a guest appearance on Riorna 90210.”
“I suppose that you could say that I knew,” he said, walking over to the fountain. “I was summoned back under my father's orders, and considering our issues and state he was in, I should have known his intentions.
“So you're saying you just recently learned of this as well,” she said, watching him as he peered deep into the rippling water.
Isis said, “R-r-r-r-r-r-rippling.”
“To be honest, I was informed right after you were, and my feeling on the matter match yours as it seems. I saw the state you were in when you left his chamber. That must have been the reason you hadn't seen me coming down the hall,” He said, turning his face from the waters to give her a faint smile.
“So I take it there's nothing you can do about this from your position?”
Shiva said, “Elica has already gone from admiring his halberd to dictating his position.”
Isis told him, “Don't make it dirty.”
“The first time she saw her fiance, he was holding a huge steel pole. It wasn't me that made it dirty.”
“Unfortunately not, my father has already sent word of our marriage to the king and nobility. It would completely disgrace our family if I were to call it off now.”
“I see,” Elica replied quietly.
“The bastard knew exactly how to get his way,” he suddenly burst out, dashing the water angrily.
Odin said, “Bursting and dashing, Valafar is a man of action. Even looking at water is violent.”
Shiva said, “The guy was dashing, and that's how she got wet.”
Isis said, “Shiva, I'm gonna wash your brain out with soap.”
“Hey calm down,” Elica scolded, firmly grabbing his arm as she thought of how Aeres would handle the situation.
“How can I possibly calm down? My affair with my father has caused him to drag someone else into the middle,” he hissed.
“Here, look at me,” she instructed softly, trying to calm him as she directed his face to meet hers.
“Look at this weird trick I learned in prison,” Isis said with a giggle.
“Never mind the circumstances of my involvement, e are now in this together, so we need to work together to make the best of it,” she cooed, looking deeply into his troubled eyes.
“You're right,” he whispered, his face softening once again. “I apologize for my outburst, I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me.”
“Oh don't worry about it. I can't say I wouldn't have reacted in the same way,” she said, trying to think of a way to change the mood. “By the way, you looked pretty cool wielding that halberd. How about your teach me sometime?” she remarked sending him a wide smile.
Shiva said, “See? I told you it was metaphor. A dirty, naughty metaphor...”
“Thanks, I'll think about it,” he said with a short laugh.
Shiva called, “OH, I BET YOU WILL! You'll think about it a lot.”
“Wink, wink,” said Odin.
“Nudge, nudge,” said Isis.
“Now how about we go back and put on a show,” he smiled, extending his hand once again, to which she replied by taking it firmly.
“That's the end of the episode, boys. That was romance, a topic on which you both clearly need some help,” Isis reported. “Did you learn anything?”
Odin said, “I learned that Shiva has a case of halberd envy.”
Shiva said, “I learned that when Odin winks behind his sunglasses, he narrates his winking.”