Great Dialogue/Writing Examples

[El_Psy_Congroo]

So after posting in the favorite/least favorite animated shows thread, I was reminded of the show, The Weekenders and looked up the first episode on a whim. I wonder if there are any kids tv shows that have this quality of writing anymore.

I wanted to share an excerpt from a scene I thought was great in terms of introducing new characters (Tino's mom) and establishing relationships. I also think it would be great if people posted examples of dialogue and/or writing they thought was done well. It can be transcribed from any medium.

BACKGROUND: Tino, Lor, Tish, and Carver are 4 friends who spent their weekends together since they were kids. Carver and Tino overhear the girls talking about Lor's crush and Carver mistakenly believes she likes him. Not wanting to ruin their friendship he decides to ignore Lor. The scene then cuts to Tino having dinner with his mom.

Mom: Well this is an awkward situation. Carver needs to look deep inside himself to see how he feels, then talk to Lor about his feelings, and hers.

Tino: Gee that's a great idea mom. Too bad Carver's a guy!

Mom: Yeah... but I can dream of a better world can't I?

Tino: [Picks at gloppy food] What am I eating here anyway?

Mom: Hey, don't change the subject. You know if Carver doesn't talk about this it won't just go away, it's going to ruin your whole group.

Tino: [Still poking at "food"] Is this a tentacle?

Mom: Okay fine, don't listen to me. You know just because your father and I got divorced doesn't mean I don't understand relationships.

Tino: [Freaking out now] This is squid! Y-y-you're feeding me squid! [Runs upstairs]

Mom: [Calling after him] Yeah well maybe if we don't talk about it, it'll go away.

Obviously a lot of credit goes to voice actors and animators but I thought behind it all was some great writing. Its humorous, grownup, beautifully displays the dynamic of the relationship, and even sprinkles in some backstory without it being on the nose or irrelevant.

[marygold]

Yeah, honestly planning conversations is one of the hardest things for me. I gotta make sure I change the angle, make things flow, sometimes I feel like I'm being repetitive with everything. And then there's what to say. I gotta be concise!

[maxzaguishi]

When I write about major dialogs, interact with the images for the page is not so boring

[El_Psy_Congroo]

@marygold
@maxzaguishi

I've actually started writing my dialogue before I even plan the page, so I know what is being said in a scene. I find working on the script in isolation is better because if the writing can stand well on its own, it can stand well on the page. Arranging type on the page is an art in and of itself for sure, but for this thread I was aiming more for examples of good writing by itself.

[Michelle]

That whole dialogue example is pretty good, except for this one bit:

Mom: Okay fine, don't listen to me. You know just because your father and I got divorced doesn't mean I don't understand relationships.

I haven't watched The Weekenders, so maybe it works better on the show, but... gah... the whole "state something to a character that said character already knows about" always feel so awkward to me. It's just not how people naturally talk and it always feels a little forced. I feel like if they wanted to introduce the divorced parents aspect, they could do it by mentioning visiting his dad for the weekend or something. Though that's just my personal take.

Dialogue is super hard though! I feel like it's the most difficult thing to nail down when writing a script because it has to move the story along and feel natural. Having characters talk pure exposition is really clunky and boring, but having them just banter for 5 pages about nothing is bad too. I find it really tricky to strike that balance and often have to have a couple people read over my dialogue so they can point out moments where I forgot how people talk. :B

[El_Psy_Congroo]

Actually I debated that line for a while but I ruled in favor of it. I think for this conversation it works because her point is not to state or explain that she's divorced but to bring that fact up in the context of their conversation. This would actually be pretty normal in a real conversation because you're just bringing up a fact you both know but only in order to add said fact to the discussion. Her statement is implicitly "Being divorced doesn't mean my relationship advice is ignore-able."

I think it feels uncanny for some viewers, because they lack the knowledge and are learning this for the first time - so you get the sense she's saying it for the sake of those beyond the 4th wall. But I would give this one a pass because its natural - to me at least. There are definitely times when you feel a character is literally saying "Blah blah exposition blah blah" but I would call that a sin if its bizarre in the conversation.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I can see that. Like I said, I haven't seen the show so it might feel a lot less weird in context. It really does depend on the scene as a whole.

[Kayke]

I loved Weekenders as a kid! I watched it every saturday morning!

I would say my favorite writing is probably in Buffy. The dialog is funny and smart, but also has a lot of emotion in it. Each character also has a clear voice, which I think is important. I'm sure if you gave me a bunch of random one liners out of context I could tell you which characters said which since they all use their own sort of vocabulary and slang.

[El_Psy_Congroo]

I loved Weekenders as a kid! I watched it every saturday morning!

Didn't it just have the greatest theme song?

I've heard a lot about Buffy - my mom even wached it haha - but I think I was only like 10 when it came out. I do really like iZombie (though I'm not caught up) and I've heard people comparing the two. Writing-wise I think it would pass the one liner test.

"I don't even need to be this attractive. It's just icing. " - Ravi

[Vikiro_Hop]

Bleh here I was ready to take the piss and then you bring back some good memories of the weekenders, Tino's interactions with his mom were some of the best parts of that show. I'm actually kinda scared to go back and look up that show, I'm not sure it will live up to the nostalgia. But the dialogue you provided just played out perfectly in my mind. Damn good characters that show had.

@Michelle Yah I think you would have to see it, the mom has a very amusing deadpan delivery that just reading the lines doesn't do it justice. Their back and forth flows really well and I imagine it's a lot less awkward in show. (gotta get that exposition in somehow!)

[El_Psy_Congroo]

The scene starts at 5:44. Whoever uploaded it slowed down the video a bit but there are other websites you can watch it on if its too weird:
EDIT: if you change the speed x 1.25 its just right though there are a few artifacts
EDIT 2: Did anyone know WAYNE BRADY sings the theme song? Because I didn't.

[Memokkeen]

I think that was a great example - thanks for sharing! I mean, the way what wasn't said almost told more than what they did say...

Writing is strangely hard. I've never pictured myself as a comic-maker, and when I was younger I used to write. So my way of doing things is I write a script, thumbnail it, then draw... but somewhere between the steps, I start looking at my script and realize I don't have space for the "witty" dialogue, plus that when I really start to pick apart my writing... everything looks bad. Not really sure how to fix the writing and/or my attitude, haha.

But yeah.. that was actually a fun piece of dialogue. Well made.

[El_Psy_Congroo]

I know exactly what you mean. That's actually why I thought to start this thread, I figured the best way to improve writing dialogue is to look at that of other writers which really stand out. Then pick it apart to figure out why.