How the hell do you make friends?

[Scarlet_Cryptid]

I can second the DnD suggestion. I'm 40 years old, and I'm 90% sure the only reason I have a pretty decent number of friends still is that my group is all into tabletop gaming. We had to stop meeting up during quarantine, obviously, but I just started a new game for the first time in years, and I am psyched to be doing this again.

Never underestimate the magic of tabletop gaming for finding a group of adults who are not just willing but eager to make room in their schedules to meet up and hang out together.

[harlan]

I'll third the DnD suggestion. It might even provide inspiration for your art and writing!

[ar-ninetysix]

Nah, I just thought of those questions myself bc I get real introspective at times

One thing I should've added to the busy people bit was that it's an uphill battle, yes, but that shouldn't push you away from making friends with them! You can still invite friends to events to show 'em you care about spending time together, and you can always plan to hang out weeks in advance. Yeah, sometimes a plan might fall through here and there, but the important thing is that you'll both have made the effort to plan it out in the first place. That goes a long way!

[AmazementComics]

Ask yourself why you want to make friends. Making friends and keeping them can be a pain. A lot of them will seek your attention even though you just want to sit at home and relax. Many will ask you to hang out with them when you’d rather not. Saying no, would offend them and cause them to leave you or cause drama in your life…

Keep in mind that there are three types of “friends”….

1. “Hi-Bye” friends (or acquaintances). These are the ones you see at school/work because the context calls for it. You say hi when you see each other and you say bye at the end of the day, but that’s about it. The relationship never lasts when the context is removed, i.e. when you graduate from school or leave the workplace.

2. Regular friends. Social, activity buddies you meet up every now and then to catch up or hang out with. You can generally talk about regular topics under the sun.

3. True, soul friends (or best friends). People you can talk anything and everything with. You may or may not meet up every day, but it doesn’t matter as the strength of your friendship is not determined by how frequently you meet up — it’s more than that. These are the friends you can trust to be there for you whenever you need them, and they will go the extra mile for you. We need such friends.

Friends are naturally compatible with you. That means you don’t have to worry about being shy, being nervous, lacking confidence etc. But understand that relationships can’t be forced. So In the mean time, the best you can do is stay in touch and strengthen your existing contacts. Good luck.

[barakothepirate]

Oh yeah I know that feeling, about rl friends seeing you in phases that are embarrassing. I have schizophrenia, so I've embarrassed myself multiple times while having episodes lol. Also have self esteem problems as well, due to only two friends with one of them being a manipulative asshole and a really weird relationship with my family. Only recently have I started getting over and realised my problems are the people I'm with rather than my personality itself.

Thanks for subscribing to my comic by the way! Also for commenting and the likes! I'll read your novels and comment too!

[barakothepirate]

@harlan
Yeah, making friends through D&D or board games in general has always seemed really appealing. Every person I've met who has played D&D seems to have a lot of friends. Also I hate going to pubs or parties to socialise with large groups of people at once, playing a game together just seems more appealing. Also games are fun.

@ar-ninetysix
Yeah I guess so. Prolly shouldn't be too dissapointed when we end up not hanging out...

@AmazementComics
Why I want friends huh? I've thought that way for a long ass time, like friends aren't worth keeping, cause they do use enormous amounts of time and energy. However, I think that was cause one of my ex-best friends was an asshat, and because I was so socially isolated, and he was popular, I thought I just plain didn't like people. But upon meeting with people and chatting with them online as well as someone I'd met through hospital, I realised that the guy was kind of boring, and that I basically shared nothing in common with him, and talking with anyone else, especially if they share common interests makes me incredibly happy now.
Although a soul friend would be nice, regular ones would be cool as well.
As for friends naturally being compatible with you? I see that now. Again, cause of that asshat friend I always thought I had to fight through shyness and my confidence issues using sheer willpower.

@DiegoPalacios
Oh, so you rarely hang out with high school friends in person as well huh? Now I don't feel so bad...
As for each friend group giving you different types of fun? Yeah I see that, especially talking with people on Instagram, on DeviantArt and here, I see that online interaction can be fun as well.
As for the friend who moved far away? Maybe I chose the wrong words. It's more like we've drifted apart rather than lost them, you're right, I still interact with him over the phone and stuff. And he doesn't live too far away, like maybe a 2 hour drive from where I live, so it's not like I've lost him forever.

Wow thanks for all the replies everyone! And all the follows on instagram! Gotta say, this has really cheered me up!

[Mic_Mac_Roni]

Yes, only blame yourself if it is a legitimate reason. People acting or reacting a certain way is never in your control, the only control you have is whether you stay friends with them or not. Easy to say so but this is the first step to building some confidence. Feeling guilty towards the things you can't control only waste a lot of time and energy. Best use that time and energy on yourself. Though it is hard to master, it does train on a more neutral outlook in the everyday.

He sounds like a big old jerk. Good on you removing him from your life! When people want to be miserable, they will take down anyone closest to them.

Yes, no biggie!

[clarissapattern]

This is a really good post, so much in life and the media is put on romantic relationships, but friendships can be just as difficult to find and maintain. Loneliness is so horrible.

[TheLemmaLlama]

Hot take -- you don't; you just do stuff which involves other people, and some of them might happen to stick :P

One thing to point out is that as someone looking for friends, you are essentially asking people to allow a random stranger into their regular lives for the intended point of becoming a part of it. In a way, it's sorta intrusive. If you start talking to people with already busy lives.. it's gonna be a uphill battle to try to awkwardly insert yourself into their schedule.

Tbh this is a good reason imo to not focus specifically on making friends, but just doing things that you want to do in their own right, which may just so happen to involve other people That way it's not about you but the activity; you're not inserting yourself into their life, but rather helping enhance an activity that they've already chosen to insert into their own life :]

I didn't have friends as a kid because I always worried I'd be burdening others by making friends with them :'D I'm now much more confident and satisfied with my social life after changing my perspective :] (There are certainly reasons why making friends might be tougher as an adult, but it was very much the opposite for me lmao XD)

---

Btw @barakothepirate, followed you on insta; feel free to talk to me about anything at any time :] If I ghost you, it's probably because I just haven't figured out what to say/have nothing to say; don't take that as a sign that I find you annoying, I'm unannoyable (and I will tell you explicitly but politely if that ever changes ) If you want to continue the conversation or say something else, just do it; I get it if it feels weird or awkward to you because it's not how people normally communicate, but I personally don't find it awkward at all

Probably someone who I at least hang out with in real life, and who would like to do stuff with me without me asking them or approaching them all the time.

It's reassuring to hear you say that; I'm always afraid of asking specific people to do stuff (as opposed to just announcing I'm doing stuff and letting whoever join) because I'm afraid of being creepy, so it's good to have explicit permission :'D (We probably can't hang out IRL though, for obvious reasons :P)

[barakothepirate]

Wow that's really good advice, about enchanting their chosen activity. Thank you! I'll keep it in mind!

Yeah, about burdening about other people by being friends, I can relate, especially as an adult in my mid twenties. Most of the people I hung out with I never invited out, they always invited me out first, was always afraid I might annoy them.

Cool! Yeah I'd love to chat on insta! You've got a cool artstyle just looking over it and your comic on tapas. Love to talk to you!

@clarissapattern
Yeah, I never really understood that. Although never really having a gf myself, it seems like having a good friend or two is like having one anyway, aside you never moving into together or having sex/a family. For me at least, I've always kinda prefered having friends over a gf. There's no pressure or anything with them, like having to be good enough for them (I have a low pay job), being attractive enough (also fat), being tall enough for them or whatever (I'm short). Although, don't get me wrong, would be nice having one, but yeah, so many problems with romantic relationships.

[Mic_Mac_Roni]

I agree on this statement, Clarissa. Part of me theorizes that the only reason why people focus on romance is because they gave up trying to get friends or keep friends. Finding their one "true love" seems more doable than keeping or getting friends.

Notice how some romance stories ONLY focuses on the main lead 's romantic relationship and nothing else? A good romance novel/comic will always mention how the lead character juggles the friendship, family, and work/school life with the romantic partner. Not drop everything for the romantic partner. Unless the mc was living under a rock or chose the hermit lifestyle, this isn't realistic.

Atleast, explain why the MC doesn't have a life outside their romantic partner.

[simplykit]

[ueonts]

Good thing about being older is that online friends can quickly become IRL ones.

[simplykit]

my way to make friends.

fight them in hand to hand combat.

after you've beaten yourselves up bloody and both fall down on exhaustion

you share your life struggles and goals

both laugh out loud at your differences but more on your similarities

you fist bump and become friends for life

[barakothepirate]

@simplykit
Lol. I've been in fights before. That never happens, anime lies. Sure you don't usually wanna kill each other after, but you usually too embarrassed to talk with each other after as well. I wish anime was real.

[clarissapattern]

having friends should like you say be less pressured than trying to make a longterm romantic relationship, but can be as emotionally fulfilling. You are reaching out, you are being honest, you will meet people that you click with

[Mic_Mac_Roni]

You forgot that friendship is magic.

[Headypigeon4180]

A lot of my friends online were made through comment sections or on forums. I like forums ^^

[simplykit]

@barakothepirate i was referring to fight club lol

oh yes! i wish anime was real too! then all the anime waifus would be mineeeeeee wooh! 🤣

[HarryM]

I'm in the middle of a fight with a friend of almost 30 years. We had a bad day, but instead of talking it out he chose to blacklist me. So... we're in the "giving each other some space" phase? I'm going to send him a hand-written letter in a month both apologizing and calling him out on his own bs. It does make you wonder if it's worth it, though. But then, what friendship would be, otherwise?

It's very disheartening. Then I look at my dog like, THIS is FRIENDSHIP!

Get a dog. Dogs are the best, haha.