I don't post art for popularity anymore but I still can't enjoy my art

[VibrantFox]

this is going to sound blunt but i mean this in the kindest way possible but i thing what you may really need to do is not care so much and i mean that. Not so much as being apathetic towards art or creation or other folks who are making things but stop getting caught up in numbers, abandon every idea you have in mind as to why people create and most of all abandon whatever overwhelmingly large expectations you seem to have set for yourself whether intentionally or not because the minute you free your mind from overthinking about all those things you can start to get back to the very basics of making

Make things because you want to, regardless of what it is or what character is the focus, make things because it makes you happy, screw whatever idea people have instilled in you and others as to what it means to be authentic because it's different for literally everybody and above all if your burning yourself out trying to make things then take a break.

What you describe sounds like hella burnout and the only way to alleviate that is rest and recharing, refilling that creative bank account and maybe doing other stuff so you're not hard wired stressing about all this

I don't really know how other would feel but frankly i don't care but I've personally come to apoint with art where I'm gonna do what I want for a while. Do I have stories i wanna tell or things i wanna do or stuff i wanna sell? sure absolutely everyone has things they wanna do but we get so caught up in comparisons both in terms of "art quality" or "authenticity" and how quickly other folks are reaching certain goals while were moving at whatever pace we are and then obsessing about what they have versus what we have but none of it matters! which is a good thing because the simple fact of the matter is everyone is on their own unique journey and everyone is doing their own thing and for a million different reasons. so rather than freak out about what am i or am i not doing just do what you yourself want and if you don't know what that is then just focus on enjoying the journey of figuring that out.

ALSO no you probably wont figure it out overnight but the point is to take your time. I think a lot of folks forgot about "stop and smell the roses". We get so caught up in numbers and accomplishments and purpose (which my god i could rant about purpose for hours) but literally just go slow. Pace yourself. Take your time. You might not know where your going but over time things will begin to fall into place and before you know it your falling into a grove

But like to condense...all of that...just allow yourself to not give a shit just a little bit otherwise you'll really only make yourself feel even worse. I genuinely hope that you're able to work things out because the art journey is not always an easy one but i believe that you can find your place again

and sorry for the rant...i tend to get passionate about this kind of stuff ;;;

[IndigoShirtProd]

Or following another artist that doesn't have shared aesthetic or influence.

Umm, I'm sorry. How is this a crime?

I blame Hilda

As for the rest of the post, I can't tell if you're being serious or not. Like I believe your discussion about wanting to create for yourself, but I'm getting distracted by the bit about you blaming a fictional character.

I think @VibrantFox went over this topic pretty well, so I don't have much to add there. So what's up with this blaming Hilda and Luke Pearson bit.

[PapaDom]

Sounds rough, buddy. : /
I know it can be heartbreaking if you give it your best with your art but can't reach "this" level of the others who you look up to. I know it isn't fun spending all your time trying to be like them and wasting all the energy and effort only to be mediocre at best. And I know making art for just getting the numbers isn't really a goal you can enjoy reaching.

But I'm sure I'm not the only one when I say to you: "You shouldn't worry about this stuff. Just do what you love and enjoy it."
Sure, easier said than done, but that's the truth. Comparing yourself to others is one of the reasons artists get burned out. Those are just bad thoughts clouding your mind, leaving you with this feeling of not being worthy. But the world is a vast place, and there are as many artists doing better than you as many artists doing much worse than you. But everyone wants to share their work regardless of the quality. Because they've spent time and energy to create something they've enjoyed making, otherwise, they'll just leave it in the drawer of their room.

And about your Hilda and Luke Pearson problem, you do know that he isn't like the "holy grail of art"? Sure, he has comic books in bookstores and a tv show, but that doesn't make him the best there is. Even professional artists struggle to be on top while trying to one-up the competition.
I don't know about your personal relationship with him and his works, but if Hilda stays your boogeyman, you'll never be the artist you strive to be. Either come to terms with your inner demon or declare that you're going to surpass them.

I don't know if my words will reach you, but I want to share the one sentence that helped me accept myself and helped improve me as an artist:
"I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There is no one I would rather be than me.'"

[rifqifajarzain]

Umm, I'm sorry. How is this a crime?

Not a total crime. This was just my bad mindset years ago. For instance, an artist who likes to draw warfare-related drawings followed by an artist who likes to draw cute fantasy illustrations.

As for the rest of the post, I can't tell if you're being serious or not. Like I believe your discussion about wanting to create for yourself, but I'm getting distracted by the bit about you blaming a fictional character.

...So what's up with this blaming Hilda and Luke Pearson bit.

I am being serious. So serious, it not only ruins my creative journey but also ruins my life. Every time I hear about character design, middle-grade fiction, cartoon, plot vs character-driven stories, Netflix, adventuring, and people talking about how awful Indonesian-made stories and movies are these days, this gal just pops up in my mind.

I tried to ask people how to get out of this but they just call that it's so stupid. They could give me advice but it didn't last long.
I am still able to continue developing my artistic skill but with the price of dropping down my artistic taste.
Hilda makes me think, "Why would I make art and stories and trigger the deep emotional feeling in my creations when I already knew there's Hilda, which was not created by me, even having different genres?"

[IndigoShirtProd]

Hilda makes me think, "Why would I make art and stories and trigger the deep emotional feeling in my creations when I already knew there's Hilda, which was not created by me, even having different genres?"

What I'm gleaming from this is that, as opposed to your own work, Hilda as a character triggers a "deep, emotional feeling" for you and, with the context provided, it's not a positive feeling. Here's what I'm not getting though, why you attribute these negative emotions to this character. Is it envy? Are you envious of the creator and the projects surrounding their work? Was Hilda a prominent character in your life during a difficult time?

I'm sorry if my questions are too invasive or this is too topic is to private to talk about in public. I'm just extremely curious.

[rifqifajarzain]

Not quite the answer. The emotional torque that I am talking about is a deep feeling of awe of the unusual character doing cool or unusual things in their story or an illustration. That's what I was going to do, creating a quality art or story that triggers such feeling before anyone else's triggers my feeling. Heck, I didn't even know about this feeling at that time.

Was Hilda a prominent character in your life during a difficult time?

After she triggered my feeling of amazement from her adventurous scene in the trailer and opening. She appears, especially when talking or creating art and story.

She got direr as I learned about plot vs character-driven story, which some prefer the main character stumbles upon fantastic plot and scene, while some prefer to follow the character's internal desire and deeply relate to them.

[aqua03]

I mean, it's not like you can't also make a story that triggers a sense of excitement and wonder in people as well. It's not like discovering a new country or something where the first person to find it is the only one to have that claim and everyone else is second place. Everyone likes different things, so you could throw your work out there and maybe, just maybe, someone else will stumble upon it and have the same sense of wonder as Hilda does in you.

Or, you know, you could just stop looking at Hilda and the artist's other works altogether if it makes you feel bad. Find new media to inspire you dude, there's tons of stuff out there.

[IndigoShirtProd]

The emotional torque that I am talking about is a deep feeling of awe of the unusual character doing cool or unusual things in their story or an illustration

If that is the case, why would she be a negative voice egging you on to quit creating the things you enjoy? Why wouldn't she be a point of inspiration?

She got direr as I learned about plot vs character-driven story, which some prefer the main character stumbles upon fantastic plot and scene, while some prefer to follow the character's internal desire and deeply relate to them.

These are just story-telling conventions; the way in which a creator relays a plot to others. Some stories are character driven, others plot driven. How are these innocuous conventions keeping you from telling your stories and creating your art? Why would learning about these things bar you from enjoying your art?

[SleepingPoppy]

Sounds like you need to get out of your own head. Neither Hilda nor Luke Pearson has anything to do with your ability to create. You are concocting this idea of the character taunting you to quit, because why? You're upset someone else did the thing you want to do? You don't want to do it if someone else did it better? WHO CARES! There are many many versions of any given idea- if people like something, there is an audience for it, and an audience wants to experience many versions, not just one version. I suggest you think really carefully why Hilda/Luke Pearson should block you from doing what you want with your art. Is this a realistic problem, or are you just getting yourself stuck on something?

If your aim is to create art that makes you feel depth, than it shouldn't matter what anyone else is doing, right? It's about your personal experience with your art. If you think Hilda does that well, then take it as one example and continue on your path.

Personally I often struggle with the feeling that there are many "better" comics out there that people could read instead of mine, and yet people DO read mine. Why? Because people have a lot of room in their minds and heart for many versions of stories and ideas they enjoy. People don't only engage in the top tier level of content.

Sorry if I haven't quite hit on what you're getting at with the Hilda references. I'm not remotely familiar with the character or her stories, and the way you discussed it was a little confusing. But at the end of the day, I hope you realize the only thing stopping you from creating is you. It doesn't matter what other creators are or are not making. If you want to make a particular type of art, you can do that. Why should Hilda or anything else stop you?

[rifqifajarzain]

@aqua03

I mean, it's not like you can't also make a story that triggers a sense of excitement and wonder in people as well. It's not like discovering a new country or something where the first person to find it is the only one to have that claim and everyone else is second place. Everyone likes different things, so you could throw your work out there and maybe, just maybe, someone else will stumble upon it and have the same sense of wonder as Hilda does in you.

Or, you know, you could just stop looking at Hilda and the artist's other works altogether if it makes you feel bad. Find new media to inspire you dude, there's tons of stuff out there.

To be clear, I am not saying to trigger the feeling to everyone, just to myself.

Another problem is I am currently losing interest in reading other webcomics and watching other web series and arts out there that suit better my real taste. Only one or a few webcomics that I like to read.

I also make illustrations of silhouette drawings that share the aesthetic with children's illustrations and fiction on Instagram. It's more authentic but also has a similar quality to other illustrations. The concept was one year older before I decided not to use it for "being in" Instagram illustrations community. I am still trying to blame myself for not using silhouette illustrations in the first place instead. In other words, I wanted to arbitrarily make illustrations the way other illustrators make them. Hence, why I said about fell into the popularity trap.

@IndigoShirtProd

If that is the case, why would she be a negative voice egging you on to quit creating the things you enjoy? Why wouldn't she be a point of inspiration?

She still can be an inspiration, especially the cute but savory color, the character design, and how she fits well in an unusual community. She became negative when I failed to trigger the awe from my illustrations before her adventurous scene.

These are just story-telling conventions; the way in which a creator relays a plot to others. Some stories are character driven, others plot driven. How are these innocuous conventions keeping you from telling your stories and creating your art? Why would learning about these things bar you from enjoying your art?

It was an accident. I was looking at how to make the story great while retaining the fantastic plot. I then also found out from other people saying that a great story is when the audience cares about the main character, not the plot.

If I found out a story is character-driven, then I can forgive my feeling of awe of their action in every plot because I understand that their action is for their internal desire and it matters.

@SleepingPoppy

...You are concocting this idea of the character taunting you to quit, because why? You're upset someone else did the thing you want to do? You don't want to do it if someone else did it better?

...Is this a realistic problem, or are you just getting yourself stuck on something?

Someone else did it before I did it. I rated my drawings in 2018 still didn't match the quality of other illustrations.
I became more stuck as I still continued to study and experiment with my art, while my artistic taste are falling down.

---

I am still able to figure out how to solve this. The reason I made this post is that I know that I still freak out when accidentally (or intentionally) find a Hilda-related image and discussion. I know she still says, "Drawing dumbass slapstick cartoon again? How shame!", when drawing a slapstick scene. I know she always pops up when finding out a discussion, where people say, "I'd prefer Netflix than Indonesian trash tv shows," as if they bragging about their high-tier status. And I know she would show up when thinking or involving a topic about middle-grade speculative fiction.

[Shomin]

I think all you need is...

[fleurravenbooks]

Not a total crime. This was just my bad mindset years ago. For instance, an artist who likes to draw warfare-related drawings followed by an artist who likes to draw cute fantasy illustrations.

I won't comment on your personal opinion on popularity thing/ creative journey because i can see that you truly believe in what you said and i don't want to push my opinions on you, but i will comment on this follow thing, they could be friends (irl or online), they could just support them, i mean i follow bunch people on tapas even if i don't read genre of their work

[Shomin]

My Top Tapas Favourites are the following three:
Other than the middle one, both at the sides are jolly cute fluffy toons style.

But my own drawing style is as follows:
Dark and not so loony toony...

[Lensing]

Doesn´t matter what you do in life, looking at other people´s work should never affect you in a negative
way. If it does affect you in a negative way then you have to work on that. In my experience it has
to do with self-confidence

[NickRowler]

I am a little confused by Hilda is the one to blame for your own artist block. Sometimes watching/reading other people's stories can spark inspiration. But if a piece of media is just making you feel like a downer, maybe focus your attention on something else instead.

Also, like I have never thought about Hilda once when creating my art, like why would you care? I am saying this as someone who tried to watch the show and thought "this is not for me". I know kids like to read the comics. If that is your goal, to make comics for children, then I would recommend maybe reading a lot of kid comics to see what you need to focus on when creating a story for that audience.

[darthmongoose]

I'm trying to get my head around this and finding it a little difficult to identify the issue, but I'll try to advise anyway based on what I know about the UK scene and Luke Pierson.

Back in the early-mid 00s, Luke was part of the UK small comics scene much like... well, a lot of us. Many of us are actually on Tapas. There was Emma, Paul, Laura, Shazleen, Jade, Sarah, Bex, Morag, Anna, Lisa, Me and a bunch of others, all making little comics to print, entering competitions like the Rising Stars of Manga or the Manga Jiman and trying to catch the eye of publishers. Some of us were more successful than others, some took longer to succeed, some would find our place in webcomics later after the 08 financial crisis.
Luke got his big break early. He caught the eye of an artsy publisher who make coffee table "graphic novels" called Nobrow Press very very early after getting onto the scene and he's been with them ever since. He didn't really remain part of the small press scene after that, and some people felt pretty bitter and jealous about it.

Let's be clear. Like it, hate it or feel completely ambivalent about it, Luke is a career comic creator who makes works that fit the vibe and target audience of a specific publisher because that's his job. He has created Hilda, a perfectly marketable children's graphic novel for nice middle class parents to buy for their nice middle class kids about a polite little middle class girl who looks like her parents buy all her clothes from Boden who goes on wholesome old fashioned adventures. It is a very sellable product and he has done a very polished job of it. Well done, Luke.

Hilda is not ground-breaking, it's just polished and very well focused on the target market. It was bound to succeed because Luke was already working for a publisher with a good following and he's very good at creating work for that market. It has a strong, consistent brand identity and it's simply well-put-together.

What I'm saying is, if the number one aim you have as a creator is to be Luke Pierson, to make polished comics for middle grade readers and to pitch them to print publishers, it is entirely within your power to do. Study some tutorials, get some feedback on your work, try to deconstruct and recreate the art styles of artists making popular print comics for that market and make an inoffensive standalone adventure graphic novel in the same vein and pitch it to Nobrow, Self Made Hero, Scholastic etc. He's a very solid creator, but he's not exceptionally imaginative in a way nobody can match, he's just very reliable, easy to work with because he's quiet and so doesn't cause drama, makes polished work and stays in a profitable niche. If anything, his success is because he doesn't take wild risks with highly imaginative or experimental work, and puts work that sells above work with extreme passion behind it.

[Calandria]

You know I also feel very identified with you and I have wondered a lot if I should continue with these types of goals, but I have felt a little more motivated knowing that I am not the only one, I recommend the YouTube channel of the artist Naoki Saito, he spoke once on that topic and said that possibly being trapped in those negative feelings will never help you improve as an artist and if you consider it convenient: start from scratch, change your drawing style, diversify, don't have such high expectations about your art, don't compare, don't let your surroundings overwhelm you. Sometimes the change is not so bad.

Naoki Saito illust Channel

[rifqifajarzain]

What I'm saying is, if the number one aim you have as a creator is to be Luke Pierson, to make polished comics for middle grade readers and to pitch them to print publishers, it is entirely within your power to do.

Hmm... not kinda the answer, although I can still be inspired by him and his work. My goal was again, to trigger the deep emotional feeling of awe from unusual the story and character with my illustrators'-like illustrations on the Instagram illustrators community before anyone else's. But due to my ineptitude, ambition, and lack of authenticity, I abandoned that silhouette drawing idea and instead, make other kinds of illustration the hard way.

What I want now is not to freak out when looking at a Hilda-related image/fanart and hearing people talking about Hilda (and other Netflix-related), as I say to myself that this is the part of the consequence of trying to arbitrarily create illustrations that are able to match others'.

I don't want to be obliged to watch the show and study its story (and art). And in the next year of 2022 (or even now), I want to give this another try to trigger the emotional feeling of awe in my drawings and stories but also be more authentic.

[IndigoShirtProd]

Then watch something else. I don't know where you got the idea that Hilda was the be all end all for examples on the this emotional feeling you want to replicate. You need to take it upon yourself to figure what about Hilda made you feel this way. You don't think it's envy, you say the emotions aren't negative and that you think Hilda could be used as a source of inspiration. Well it doesn't have to be the only source. It's time for some introspection on what content brings out this feeling in you. What attracts you media-wise and why is that the case. Do they remind you of a good memories, was a scene just really cool? Once you figure that out, it'll be easier to replicate that feeling but with putting your own spin on it.

I feel like you mentioned before in a previous topic how you want to get to the cool scenes but not was to worry about all the build up to theose scenes. I don't know if you decided to write around those scenes to give them more impact, but without that mindset, your scenes are going to come off shallow no matter how much effort you put into them.

Maybe take a break from content creation and go consume media you enjoy or are similar to the video you're going for. Watch tutorials on youtube about character creation and storytelling, listen to other creators talk about their struggles in regard to making things they like, and practice drawing. Practice, meaning you don't have to show it to anyone. Then, after all that time of soul searching, learning, and practice, watch Hilda again. By then, you should have the tools to understand why the show made you feel the way you felt. And instead of being a point of contention, it can be a point of inspiration alone.
That's my advice, though you are free to ignore it and figure out something for yourself.

Lastly, ineptitude can be fixed with time and work. Ambition will grow when you goals become more clear. And I understand you feelings of being inauthentic with you art; my work has been called shallow before, and while it stung, they were right to an extent. It can be hard to put yourself out there through the work you make, but authenticity isn't based on how emotionally raw or deep your work is. There are plenty of people making authentic things that don't pull at the heart strings. Authenticity is based on how honest you are when it comes to your work. I'm being authentic when it comes to my art because I enjoy making it and looking back on it, or it speaks to the kid in me. Maybe you're not at that point yet but I'm sure you will be.

[system]

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