I feel like giving up on art (vent)

[Ladilad]

EDIT: Thank you all for your advice! If anyone is reading this thread, I don't really need any more replies. Thanks though!

I don't know if this is art block, burnout, or what...but man, I feel horrible about my art. Ugh, where do I even start.

Lately (as in for almost a year) I've struggled with improvement and energy. Looking back to the time when I was making huge leaps in my art and was having a lot of fun, I noticed a few habits and feelings I had that I don't anymore. I was constantly trying to copy artists I liked, I posted my art all the time, and more than that, I thought my art was good, and that gave me the confidence and the enjoyment to continue.

Because I enjoyed drawing so much, I thought, "Hey, I should take this more seriously." So I started reading books, tutorials, articles, watching speedpaints and youtube tutorials, doing a ton of research and learning about stuff like how light works. Soon enough, I got a lot better at discerning flaws and good techniques in art, and I was really excited every time I noticed something I read about that I never had before. And...I dunno. Maybe I got overwhelmed. I wanted so badly to become an amazing artist, and I consumed as much knowledge as I could, and then I was at a loss on how to apply it. I keep trying to make art, but it doesn't match up to the knowledge I have in my head, and I feel sick and I want to cry and go to sleep forever.

I've definitely seen that chart about "Perceived artistic skill vs Ability to see" and that probably applies to me here? But I feel doubts because it seems like I'll never get out of this funk. It's been such a long time and it's only been getting worse.

the chart:

If I look at it this way, then all I really have to do is keep on making art and trying until my skill catches up to my eyes, but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PRACTICE AND I DON'T WANT TO DRAW IF IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE TRASH.

Also also, the way things are set up in my house is NOT optimal for drawing. Digital drawing, at least.

When I first got my tablet a year and a half ago, I was so excited about having one and being able to draw on a computer that I didn't really care about anything else. Our desktop computer, where I normally draw at, is on a desk with limited space and in the middle of a really open area where my family can see whatever I'm drawing at all times? Over time, I grew to really hate that, because my family (dad and brother especially) likes to look at what I'm drawing and make stupid comments. They don't really know how it's affecting me and they aren't doing it to make me feel bad, so it's hard to say "stop" but yeah...I think I just grew more and more self conscious about my art after a while, and that's one reason.

So a week or so ago, I took my dad's old computer and set up my tablet on it, downloaded FireAlpaca, and things were like heaven after that. I could take it to the living room and position myself so no one could see what I was drawing! I got like, three things finished within the first few days! Aaand then I realized that sitting on a couch and setting my tablet on my knees and leaning forward to squint at the laptop on the coffee table wasn't really healthy. My back and neck were getting really sore.

So then, I moved it to the dining table...still not practical. Now, people could see what I was doing again, and I had to constantly move my stuff around for other people using the dining table, then put my tablet away for meals. Out-of-sight, out-of-mind is definitely true here.

Because of all this, I've been doing more traditional art lately. And I'm honestly feeling really good about it. When I draw traditionally, everything goes SO much faster and when I do a mirror test things usually come out perfectly which is...just amazing to me?? I use to never be capable of that, ever.

But that can only take me so far, especially when I'm itching to make something colorful and easily displayable I guess.

anyway enough of this, the basic idea is that I don't know what to do about my digital art and I wish I could just give up and I want to be able to draw in private (something no one here on Tapastic can fix lol), and I kinda feel like I would draw better if I had a tablet with a display but also what if I'm just making excuses? That's my biggest fear

what if I'm just being lazy and never finishing things anymore because I'm making excuses for my artistic ability

: - ((((

[carloswebcomic]

Okay, this may not sound helpful but you need to eat a bowl of cement and harden up.
You want to draw? Then just draw. Stop thinking about it and stop making excuses.
You think drawing is hard? Try raising a family or living in a war zone, those things are hard. Drawing is a walk in the park.

Successful comic artists are successful not because they are talented or amazingly skilled, they are successful because they just get on with it rather than having a whinge.

[VermillionWorks]

They don't really know how it's affecting me and they aren't doing it to make me feel bad, so it's hard to say "stop" but yeah...I think I just grew more and more self conscious about my art after a while, and that's one reason.

I don't know if you're going to continue using your tablet or not, but perhaps it might be good to be honest with your family and tell them you find them looking at your art and commenting on it distracting and frustrating. You don't have to be mean about it if they're just playing with you, but if it were me I'd be like "Dude, quit looking, you're bugging me". XD Otherwise not sure what to tell you there other than try to ignore it. Artists are like cats, we do prefer our own corners. =P Any possible way you can set up a relatively ergonomic workspace for yourself somewhere else?

Then again, there's nothing wrong with drawing traditionally either if that's what you prefer. Lots of artists still do it that way and can still make amazing work that way.

I don't think you're being lazy, but like @carloswebcomic said, if you REALLY want to draw then you just have to go for it in spite of all else.

[shazzbaa]

Please don't feel bad!! This is really easy to fall into -- this weirdly sneaky thing where the desire to draw gets mixed up with the desire to Be Good At Art, or to Be A Good Artist. Being Good At Art/Being A Good Artist is part of it, but it isn't the important part, y'know?

I've always described drawing when you feel like everything is garbage as feeling like vomiting; it's no fun but you have to get something out and it feels better once you do. It sucks, but SOMETIMES that's what you gotta do. And if that's where you are, I'm really sorry!! But you can get through it!
But I'm not sure that's it. You say that you feel sick and bad about your art and that it's only getting worse, but you also say you're feeling really good about it and are proud of how your art stands up to the mirror test. It seems like there's more to it than just feeling like your art isn't good.
Reading this, it feels like you've put a whole lot of pressure on your creation process, where you have to be good and you want it to feel like it felt before and you want to feel as good as you felt you were before... like, it's tough to have joy in drawing when there's so many measurements you're holding up. You can't look back at what it was like before and measure your success on that, because we are always, always changing.

I don't know if you were looking for advice, but if you are, I would say not to worry so much about "practicing to get better again," this idea that you've lost something important and have to find it again. It's not gonna be like it was before -- it's gonna be something different, but that something different can still become satisfying and fun. ;u; Look for that instead!!

As far as privacy goes, please...... consider telling your dad. : ( You know him better than I do, so maybe this isn't an option..... but if you tell him, "When you look over my shoulder and make little comments about what I'm drawing, I know you're just kidding around with me, but it makes me feel really, really self-conscious," it might be something he had never realised, that he wouldn't do if he knew it was actually making you feel bad. And if you tell him that way, you're not accusing him or telling him to stop, you're just telling him that it bothers you, so that he knows.
It might not help, but if you think it'd be possible to raise that concern in a kind way, it might be better than resenting him for something while not giving him the opportunity to help fix it. : (

Last thing I'll ask -- can you get instagram on your phone? This might not be an option, but I want to mention it in case it is. Instagram is a good place for sketches and traditional stuff, where cell-phone photos of traditional work fit right in, so if it's a thing you can do, it might be a way for you share your traditional art more easily until you figure out a solution for your digital situation. ;u;

[Michelle]

I understand how you feel, and don't think that you're alone! Every artist goes through this feeling, even professionals. It's normal. It's good that you don't want to give up, even though you're frustrated.

Don't feel guilty if your struggles feel insignificant, or you can't bring yourself to draw all the time. Speaking as someone whose depression loves throwing a wrench in my drawing schedule, sometimes it helps to step back from the tablet/sketchbook and find other ways to practice, like looking at art books, watching inspiring movies, or just going out for a walk and studying life. Just know that beating yourself up and calling yourself trash isn't doing you any favours.

I don't doubt it's hard to work when you don't have a dedicated work space. I hate drawing in public, it makes me crazy anxious, so I have to find a corner table in the coffee shop or something so I don't feel too nervous. If your family is making comments that make you feel uncomfortable, there's nothing wrong with telling them that. Sometimes people don't realize their light-hearted joking might make someone anxious.

On the flip side, it is good to develop a thicker skin to drawing around others. Like I said, I know public drawing can trigger a lot of anxiety, but the alternative of only being able to draw in 1-2 specific locations kinda sucks. So you just have to build up the confidence. If it helps, put some headphones in and listen to music or a podcast so you can drown out those external things that make you feel nervous.

[Kayke]

I definitely went through a stage when I was younger where I'd get upset when people looked at or commented on my unfinished drawings when I was working on them. I was honest with my family about it and explained how it made me feel and it took a while for them to get used to, the transition from me being a kid who always wanted to show them my drawings into a teen who was more private about my work, but they eventually got used to it because they didn't want me to be upset. Then I went to art school and had people ALL up in my personal space while I was drawing and completely got over that feeling... but yeah, I know where you're coming from and it's rough.

I hope you can find a balance of getting your dad and bro to back off a little while you're drawing, but also get more used to drawing around people because that is good too.

[AliceHoffmannArt]

So... I have a few suggestions you can try out, maybe it helps.

You said the digital work station is a laptop? Maybe try drawing in a café or library then. Seems counter-intuitive because there may be even more people but hear me out: The people there usually aren't interested in talking to others (at least where I'm from) and if they do you probably won't see them again. And you can grow by interacting with them, heck they might even praise you and give you mini confidence boosts.

You can have a real talk with your family to tell them just how you feel. This is probably uncomfortable and might not feel easy for you but it's a good way to set boundaries, feel better at home and maybe even build more trust with your family because you're being honest. I don't know how your dad and brother are character-wise, so you'll be the better judge.

In terms of how you perceive your art, maybe it's best to still strive for a good result but stop caring about it too much. Easier said than done but at the end of the day what is it but lines on a sheet/ digital file. It can be weird to think about that we're all stressing about stains on paper. You are attempting to make illusions that other people see objects in. Funny, huh.

You can set yourself smaller goals like "I want my drawn hands to look more realistic" and work towards it. Doing all aspects at once can be over-whelming. It can be a fruitful challenge too if you get around liking the thought. For now, take it easy.

In order to measure how other people perceive your drawings, try entering contests. It helps to get used to feedback, keep deadlines and if you're skilled enough you'll eventually win prizes. It's a neat bonus.

Good luck, you can do it!

[KoalaMari]

You're not alone for feeling this way. I had this problem also like a year ago, but in a different situation. I felt like my parents weren't really supportive on what I really want to do (or maybe it was just me). I couldn't get a job as an animator, I got depress, and it went like a drag for a long time. However, I got over it because I did something about it. I mean it just can't end this way. I AM AN ARTIST. I NEED TO SHOW THE WORLD ENTERTAINMENT AND WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF (whether it'd be animation or webcomics). Every problem has a solution that's why I took the course Pharmacy Tech so I can easily get a job, while fulfilling my dream at the same time. And for you? You already have all of your equipments in your hands. If you don't want people watching over on what you're drawing, then go back to the couch and get a table where you can place your laptop and tablet. OR you can set up a table, get a higher chair and that'd be more comfortable. Now, if you think you're just making excuses, then you're having a burnout. You need to stop drawing for a while. Trust me it will help. Stop for like weeks or months, while you're at it, go outside with friends or do something fun. Once you get back at drawing, you'll be able to enjoy it again. Don't give up and that's how you'll reach the summit.

[Ladilad]

Honestly, despite everything, I DO "just draw" and, in fact, draw a lot, for at least a few hours daily, and I push myself to draw even when I don't feel like it. I'm not being lazy, sitting around thinking about drawing but never actually drawing, that's not me. I'm just disappointed in my art. I keep making things, but I guess basically nothing is meeting up to my standards and it makes me frustrated.

Also, I would never, ever equate learning to draw well to raising a family or living in a war zone. I know the stakes are not so high, and drawing is nowhere near as important or difficult. But drawing isn't easy, either, and this statement feels more like belittlement than encouragement. You probably don't mean it that way, though, and I understand what you're trying to get across, so no worries.

Successful comic artists are successful not because they are talented or amazingly skilled, they are successful because they just get on with it rather than having a whinge.

I suppose my post was rather whiny. But it's kind of the result of a year and a half of frustration with no outlet to vent so please forgive me if I wanted to complain a little, haha. However, I'm certainly not relying on anything like "talent" to get me anywhere. Like I ever had talent in the first place xD

Thank you for your post. I appreciate that you took the time to give me advice.

[Ladilad]

-snip-

Thanks! Yeah, I've actually said, "Please don't look, don't watch me, can you please go," but it was a little hard for my family to stop looking which is why I eventually said "ugh, never mind!" and set up my dad's laptop so I could go draw in peace. I'll work harder on trying to find a comfortable and ergonomic workspace, since that's my biggest annoyance right now.

thank you. I still draw in spite of what's annoying me, but I would definitely prefer somewhere I actually felt comfortable drawing at. But it's so true, thank you again, for your time and advice!!

-snip-

Thank you SO SO much. This is very helpful to me. I was actually just reading a book yesterday with some similar advice and it just really resonated with me. The artist of that book happened to be going through a similar phase in her artistic development so her advice was really applicable.

I think you've hit the nail on the head, I feel like I'm seeing for the first time. (okay okay that's too dramatic) Combined with the book I was reading and your post, it's just like, "Woah, this is really true." I've lost enjoyment in the drawing process, I've become very results-oriented, and I have too many standards that I can't hold up...but I'm really glad someone pointed that out because now I have an idea of what to do about it.

Next time it happens, I'll try to bring it up with my dad. Usually he just doesn't know my limits, and it's difficult for me to speak up and tell me dad what I actually think or feel, lol. One of my most crippling flaws, heh. But I'm working on it!

Thanks so much again. I'm really grateful for your opinion.

K, I gotta go eat breakfast, and I gotta do chores and stuff, but I'll come back later and reply to the rest of these. Thanks everyone!

[Mharz]

You had it easier. My mother used to call my drawings demons/demonic back when I was younger even though they're just a bunch of anime drawings. It's a good thing I had my own room where I can draw in private but I totally hide my drawings whenever she comes to the room. I hide my drawings because I'm afraid they might throw away/burn them. Things are much better now because my mother acknowledges me being an artist somehow.

But yeah I totally feel you on this. I used to be so conscious and nervous when people look at me when I draw because I know within my self that I'm not good. Like drawing itself it'll get a lot of getting used to but one day you'll definitely gonna be able to draw even if many people are staring.

Whether you chose to do digital or traditional is up to you. It's still drawing no matter what medium you use. I used to have low self-esteem in my drawings and thought a couple of times that maybe this isn't for me but I'm a super stubborn girl and kept of pushing on this career even though I know I'm not that good because I can't think of any other job than this.

Anyway, I hope you get through with this and keep on drawing no matter what.

[Ladilad]

-sniiiiip-

Thank you so much. I made a few changes to my environment and I think things will get better from now! I appreciate your advice very much <3 it's good to know other people go through and have gone through similar things. True, I probably need to grow a thicker skin, and that's a work in progress ;w;

-snip-

Heh, I'm probably going through a similar stage right now. It's cool that you got over it, I hope I can too. Honestly, I don't mind drawing around people too much, but sometimes I'm afraid to break out the tablet and draw when my dad or brother is around to laugh at my art. Again...nothing they say is mean-spirited, exactly...but man. I can't stand it when they make fun of my art. But yeah...everyone is telling me to girl up and get better at drawing around people, so I trust there's an element of me just needing to grow some confidence, too. I was a big crybaby when I was younger and I'm sure some of that still remains in me xD And I'll talk to my dad/bro when it comes up again.

Thank you so much, I'll take your advice to heart!

EDIT: I had no idea my thread was gonna be closed because of my edit in the OP whoops. @CatharsisGaze @marisebastian78 @avimHarZ thank you guys so much for your advice <3 & sorry I can't thank you in a fuller message.

[PotooGryphon]

Thank you all for your advice! If anyone is reading this thread, I don't really need any more replies. Thanks though!

As stated by @Ladilad, the original poster, no more replies are needed. This topic is now closed. New replies are no longer allowed.